# How do you handle unwanted hugs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 10, 2014, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251 "2014-11-10T17:38:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/41 "2014-11-10T21:31:41Z")
Wasn’t raised in a huggy family, converted as an adult. Don’t mind to give or get some hugs now, at all. Totally understand some don’t care for it. The hugging I loathe is when you go meet your hubby at the bar, and his stupid friends, who’ve been there all afternoon. They all want to give a big hug, and I’m all like, “Yeah, yeah, you love me! Get off!” I may not have been gifted in height or weight, but I did get these very pointy elbows!🙂 And I WILL use them! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/42 "2014-11-10T21:34:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The Rhymer Rules would prohibit me from pushing her onto her ass, but not from stlrong-arming her and telling her to fuck off. You, sir, are a true gentleman. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/43 "2014-11-10T21:34:22Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > I vaguely remember Miss Manners recommending responding to unwanted hugs by doubling over like you’re in agonising pain, but I could be imagining that. I think that was advice for pregnant women who have uninvited people touching their bellies. As for hugs, I’ll put up with excessive numbers of them from Mom & aunts at family reunions (one or two when we first meet is OK, but then they tend to go on). Other people, I’ll do my best to dodge. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/44 "2014-11-10T21:41:24Z")
> [@Miss\_Mapp](#): > > I think that was advice for pregnant women who have uninvited people touching their bellies. > > As for hugs, I’ll put up with excessive numbers of them from Mom & aunts at family reunions (one or two when we first meet is OK, but then they tend to go on). Other people, I’ll do my best to dodge. My mom died in 2006, and my favorite aunt a couple of years later. I’d put up with endless hugs from Carl if I could get one more from either of them. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/45 "2014-11-10T21:49:11Z")
> [@Uniqueorn](#): > > “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” > Virginia Satir, “Mother of Family Therapy” Has she got any double-blind studies to prove this? 😃 I’m fussy about who touches me. This does not include exuberant acquaintances in the grocery store. So be it. I tend to think this is a cultural thing. My mother’s family is originally British and German. We are not huggers. And we don’t do a lot of “sharing”, thank god. I have some friends who hug and I don’t mind it, and some who don’t hug and that’s fine too. I think my best friend of the last 30 years and I have hugged…eight or nine times? Tops? We just aren’t huggy. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/46 "2014-11-10T21:57:51Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > I tend to think this is a cultural thing. My mother’s family is originally British and German. We are not huggers. And we don’t do a lot of “sharing”, thank god. For me it was more a religious thing. Growing up Roman Catholic and going to large-ish churches, we never hugged anyone. Later, I switched teams and became a Lutheran and went to a small church (about 35 regular attendees) and the ‘standard’ greeting was for everybody to hug everybody. Took me a while to get used to hugging other men, but then I got comfortable with it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/47 "2014-11-10T22:13:35Z")
> [@jayrey](#): > > I felt my blood pressure rise when you said that this jerk announced that he was going to hug you after you’d clearly told him it wasn’t your thing. What a pompous ass. It’s not unusual for people to demand hugs and insist. I insist not. > [@Uniqueorn](#): > > “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” > Virginia Satir, “Mother of Family Therapy” Oh, bullshit. I don’t get or give more than 3 hugs a month, and I haven’t dropped dead, I haven’t failed to bathe and I haven’t stopped growing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/48 "2014-11-10T22:31:55Z")
Like [this.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i65t_iGni7E) ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2014, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/49 "2014-11-10T23:12:15Z")
> [@Miss\_Mapp](#): > > I think that was advice for pregnant women who have uninvited people touching their bellies. That was it! It would probably work for the hugs too, though. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/50 "2014-11-11T00:10:48Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I’m not much on hugging, either. I deal with it by turning every attempted hug into a “holy hug.” I do that too, except I put my inside arm across my chest, in between us, so we don’t actually touch, while putting my other hand on his shoulder. That second hand also keeps anyone for closing in. And I smile and ask how he’s doing. Most people figure out damn quickly that I don’t do hugs. It surprised the hell out of a few overly people but they generally never try again. It’s actually not an aggressive move, just defensive, and quick. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/51 "2014-11-11T00:52:35Z")
Guys typically aren’t harassed for hugs unless they encounter an older relative. I guess Skald the Rhymer could start rapping a rhyme. They wouldn’t try to hug a dude performing would they? It’s kind of hard to hug a moving target. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/52 "2014-11-11T00:53:38Z")
I tense up so abruptly that I hope it’s clear I don’t want to be touched. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Holdsworth_Effect)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251/53 "2014-11-11T07:14:24Z")
Confession here- learned the hard way not to hug some people. They cringe. (Once is enough, the mistake is recognized, and I apologize). On the receiving end, if I’m unwilling to be hugged, I turn to the side, cross an arm over my chest, or in an extreme case, knuckle them in the solar plexus. Apparently my willingness to follow that with two stiff fingers to the base of the throat is evident is clear because I’ve never had to do that. Mostly I don’t mind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-hugs/704251.md?page=2)