# How do you handle your spouses most annoying habits? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 23, 2017, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045 "2017-04-23T03:40:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/81 "2017-05-03T13:24:59Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > Cock and Ball Torture? :eek: > > I think I’ve been reading too much Dan Savage. Either that or your … hobby … is getting out of control. 🙂 Try this: [Cognitive behavioral therapy - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/82 "2017-05-03T19:49:22Z")
We just celebrated our 35th anniversary. There are things that he does that drives me up the wall and no matter how many times I try to change his ways he continues most of them. Sometimes he will say “you know you were right about blah blah blah” and then I almost fall off the couch. But most of the things he does that bug me, by this point just make me laugh because I can’t believe he does them! I try to think of the good things he does and that kind of helps. The best thing that really helps me is that I have a very good friend that I walk with EVERY morning for about an hour with our dogs. We vent and laugh about our husbands’ goofiness ALL the time. We try to top each other’s husband stories. We are not alone!! ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2017, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/83 "2017-05-17T15:47:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > A person over the age of 6, who is not mentally disabled, who forgets to close the refrigerator door? That would be a big deal to me. They are supposed to close by gravity when correctly leveled. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/84 "2017-05-18T06:11:00Z")
How do you handle your spouses most annoying habits? “Yes dear.” She snores but I can’t sleep without hearing it. She goes full rogue religious. I tape up religion-agnostic commentary. Can’t do without her. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2017, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/85 "2017-05-18T23:07:42Z")
She takes 10 minutes to say what I could say in 30 seconds. She lollygags; whether it’s leaving home or work, it takes a million times longer than she says it’s going to. He leaves out really important details. He gets in too much of a hurry. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2017, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/86 "2017-05-19T01:58:12Z")
I’m gonna bet he exaggerates too. A million minutes being 1 year 11 months or so. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2017, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/87 "2017-05-19T02:20:05Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > Please give me strategies to cope. I’m sure anyone who has been married for a long time has dealt with this so please share your wisdom! Well, I’m not sure I have the answer. When she gives me Horrific and Undeserved Shit for just being creative, often I just withdraw. When I try to share dreams with her and she says she’s too busy to listen its frustrating. (I was always told that wives and husbands listened to each others dreams). When I try new ways to cook food to save money and she refuses to taste ‘anything cooked by your hand’ but bitches bitterly about money being tight, I really want to tell her to go take a flying leap off of a short pier. I don’t know why she’s so head-fucked now, but I honestly don’t like any part of this side of her. ---
**Author:** ![catkabrick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@catkabrick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catkabrick)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2017, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/88 "2017-05-19T23:33:01Z")
Significant Other and I have had our fights (especially in the early days) but we do pretty well. What works for us? We love each other. Rather be together than apart. We talk to each other (and not just about what’s p-ing us off.) We listen to each other. We’re nice to each other. We say please and thank you and other silly stuff. We praise each other. Praise will change behavior bitching won’t touch. Nineteen years and better all the time. Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2017, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/89 "2017-05-31T14:56:53Z")
I always find it amusing when I see someone’s wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of “he puts up with all my craziness but I can’t imagine being with anyone else”. No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn’t reached a point where he’s ready to call it a day. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/90 "2017-05-31T16:12:14Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I always find it amusing when I see someone’s wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of “he puts up with all my craziness but I can’t imagine being with anyone else”. No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn’t reached a point where he’s ready to call it a day. But I mean, it depends on how that individual defines their own ‘‘craziness.’’ I often say I’m crazy, or sometimes act crazy, but objectively I’m not behaving all that badly. My crazy is worrying excessively about my cats (I won’t be a neurotic mother, no sir), not flinging dishes across the room. **Sr. Weasel** has a habit that has been annoying the piss out of me lately. So I waited until it wasn’t immediately relevant and proposed that he work on it, and in exchange, I’m willing to work on some little thing I do that annoys the piss out of him. He thought I was proposing to work on my own thing out of excessive guilt, but really I was just trying to be fair. He’s working on his thing and I picked something I know annoys him. ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/91 "2017-06-01T03:59:22Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I always find it amusing when I see someone’s wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of “he puts up with all my craziness but I can’t imagine being with anyone else”. No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn’t reached a point where he’s ready to call it a day. Eh, we’re both crazy here. I’ll leave it at that. Neither of us want to submit the crazy to anyone else at this stage of life, so here we are.😃 A minor one, but one that either just started happening or I just started noticing. He scrapes his teeth with his fork, almost every bite. Now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop cringing. Which means, for every entire meal. Help? I mean, it’s annoying as all get-out, but also can’t be that good for the old teeth… Nor is it pleasant for him to see me cringing every 20 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/92 "2017-06-01T12:32:42Z")
> [@Elemenopy](#): > > A minor one, but one that either just started happening or I just started noticing. He scrapes his teeth with his fork, almost every bite. Now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t stop cringing. Which means, for every entire meal. Help? I mean, it’s annoying as all get-out, but also can’t be that good for the old teeth… Nor is it pleasant for him to see me cringing every 20 seconds. Once my wife pointed it out to me, it started making _me_ cringe. Can’t say I _never_ do it by anymore, as accidents will happen. But I’m at least aware of it, now, and will rectify the situation if I have such an accident. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/93 "2017-06-01T14:55:06Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I always find it amusing when I see someone’s wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of “he puts up with all my craziness but I can’t imagine being with anyone else”. No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn’t reached a point where he’s ready to call it a day. Said another way: “I love that he puts up with my shit; whether he gets anything out of the deal is immaterial to me. It’s all about me, and only about me.” I can’t imagine hanging out with, much less marrying or staying married to, somebody like that. But apparently it’s commonplace. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/94 "2017-06-01T15:51:37Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I always find it amusing when I see someone’s wife posting stuff on Facebook along the lines of “he puts up with all my craziness but I can’t imagine being with anyone else”. No. He fucking hates your crazy bullshit and it just hasn’t reached a point where he’s ready to call it a day. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > Said another way: “I love that he puts up with my shit; whether he gets anything out of the deal is immaterial to me. It’s all about me, and only about me.” > > I can’t imagine hanging out with, much less marrying or staying married to, somebody like that. But apparently it’s commonplace. Really? I always parse that statement as “I’m know I’m not perfect. My spouse also knows I’m not perfect, yet chooses to put up with my imperfections without constantly pointing out every little one.” Seems to me like most successful relationships fit that mold. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/95 "2017-06-01T16:07:08Z")
That’s a reasonable interpretation leaning to the charitable side. Had she said “He puts up with all my craziness but [del]I[/del] \*he says he \* can’t imagine being with anyone else.” I’d have read it exactly your way. Likewise “He puts up with all my craziness [del]but I can’t imagine being with anyone else[/del] _and I put up with all his craziness_”. Same thing. Those edited comments are reflexive and even-handed. My point was that both halves of her comment were about her from her POV. “He puts up with my shit and \*I \*like that.” He only figures into the conversation as an abuse sponge, not as a person much less as a partner. Is that simply sloppy writing on the part of the woman (who is after all a hypothetical / composite construct of **msmith537** ’s imagination and Facebook readings) or is it an example of a truthful admission contrary to interest? Darn good question. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/96 "2017-06-01T16:17:59Z")
Yeah, that’s a lot to read into a single statement on Facebook. For all we know, she has low self-esteem and overestimates her flaws. Or she really is one of those clueless self-centered people. Absent context, it’s hard to say. [Here’s One That’s Less Ambiguous.](https://kathyparker.com.au/2016/08/16/how-to-love-a-woman-who-has-been-to-hell-and-back/) ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/97 "2017-06-01T17:14:02Z")
Interrupting in conversations. She says it a female thing, that they can multi-task and she and her friends do it to each other all the time. In my mind, this is a very annoying social blunder and she’s just rationalizing her behavior. Talking over her doesn’t work. Talking louder doesn’t work. I’ll try stopping in mid- sentence, wait for her to finish her interruption and then ask if I may continue. That may work for a sentence or two. Sometimes it gets to the point where I say/yell, literally, “Would you just shut the fuck up and let me finish?!” Then she gets offended. This happens mostly in serious conversations/disagreements but also when someone is telling a story. Its like she doesn’t know how to have a silent thought or save it for a natural break in the conversation. I’m open to suggestions on this one. Calling to me from another room or floor in the house. I guess she expects me to either yell back or go to where she is. For this one I just don’t answer at all. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/98 "2017-06-01T17:35:42Z")
Today is my fifteen year being-in-a-relationship anniversary. I often wonder how I got it so good. I’m sure our effort over the years counts for something, we have excellent communication and we made prudent choices in who to marry, but there must be a lot of luck, too. He does some things that genuinely annoy me, but it all seems like piddling bullshit when I consider the positives. I read somewhere that people in happy relationships have a positively distorted (read: inaccurate) view of their partners. I think he’s a fucking miracle of a human being. I think when these little things start to get to us, it’s because the fundamental needs of the relationship aren’t being met in some way. We may interpret normal human foibles as evidence of the other person not caring. It’s a red flag that the partnership needs some nurturing on a more basic level. And yeah, sadly, when this doesn’t happen, I think the best choice is to move on. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/99 "2017-06-01T17:49:47Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Maybe it helps to consider that this thing that makes him such a fundamental part of who he is, that you love about him, comes with some necessary drawbacks that are worth the price. Yup. My husband’s picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of Type A. His objective in all things is to do them as efficiently as possible. He spends a lot of time being irritated by other people for being in his way while driving, or in the grocery store; whereas I’m the kind of person who goes with the flow. I can enjoy being in the moment even while housecleaning or folding laundry, but he ATTACKS mundane tasks, strikes them off the list, and goes after the next thing with all speed. He works all the time, and I can’t very well put my feet up while he does…and you know what? We have a great life and nice stuff and interesting projects to do and things to talk about. I’m a person of little to no ambition, and it’s good for me to have plans beyond “read books, watch TV, and sleep”. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2017, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045/100 "2017-06-01T17:56:02Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Once my wife pointed it out to me, it started making _me_ cringe. Can’t say I _never_ do it by anymore, as accidents will happen. But I’m at least aware of it, now, and will rectify the situation if I have such an accident. Knowing me, I probably pointed it out by threatening to stab you with a shrimp fork. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-your-spouses-most-annoying-habits/785045.md?page=6)