# How do you "identify" the sexual orientation of strangers? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723 "2003-05-22T02:47:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/21 "2003-05-22T12:45:59Z")
I don’t have gaydar, per se. If a guy wants me to think he’s gay, I can pick up on THAT. Women, on the other hand…are a dead giveaway. Lesbians tend to love me. I get hit on by LOTS of women. Go figure. I’m not sure why that would be. And most of them don’t think I’m gay, either. They just want to have sex with me. ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/22 "2003-05-22T13:06:46Z")
I _thought_ I had gaydar. Then one of my best friends - who seemed like the manliest man around - told me in secrecy that he was, in fact, gay. Of course, it made sense after the fact. He’s a manly man who likes manly things because he likes men. :wally Now I don’t even try. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/23 "2003-05-22T13:12:58Z")
I’m with **CrazyCatLady**. Sex is not a part of my life anymore, so I really don’t _care_ if people are gay, straight, bi- or a-. Never occurs to me to ponder it, and when people, unasked, volunteer their sexual orientation, it strikes me as vaguely amusing, if anything. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/24 "2003-05-22T13:21:13Z")
Many people have thought I was gay. I am straight but not narrow. (my gay friends call me that) Most of these were women whos gaydar went off around me. I think many of them thought I was gay because I didn’t want to sleep with them. Or at least did nothing to try to sleep with them. I figure someone is gay when I see public displays of affection with someone else of the same sex. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/25 "2003-05-22T13:22:35Z")
Like **MrVisible** , I have no gaydar or it’s broken. I worked with a guy who minced, smelled wonderful, designed and sewed his sisters’ prom dresses. I kept introducing him to cute guys, but he’s married now and has four children. I made a lousy shot in a pool hall once & this lovely girl came over, put her arms around me & tried to show me how to hold my cue. I had no idea she was coming on to me until it was much too late. (Rats.) If **Cruktar** knows a good gaydar repairperson, please let me know. **matt\_\_mcl** – what 2 major identifying symbols do you wear? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/26 "2003-05-22T13:24:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by summerbreeze \* > \*\*matt\_\_mcl – what 2 major identifying symbols do you wear? \*\* Is that the sound of a whoosh I hear? ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/27 "2003-05-22T14:01:49Z")
Wouldn’t that be more like a swoosh? Or a swish, even. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/28 "2003-05-22T14:14:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Who they boink in their spare time is none of my business. If they’re not hitting on me, I couldn’t care less about their orientation. \*\* Kinda the way I look at it, too. I don’t understand some people’s obsession with other people’s sex lives. Being married and monogamous, it hasn’t been an issue for me anyway. Still, I don’t ponder the sex lives of my married or single friends, or of strangers. That sort of thing is most definitely TMI in my book. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/29 "2003-05-22T14:18:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*I lumber. I slouch. And I’m gay. Make of that what you will. > \*\* You’re living a lie!! ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/30 "2003-05-22T16:42:47Z")
Well, it seems that some people put it out there so far that it might be construed as rude if I were not to get the message. I think everyone can tell that certain people are gay, because they want you to know. I do tend to assume straight unless I’m given some evidence otherwise. But I think it’s somewhat disengenuous to say that you never pick up on the signals people are sending. Either that or rude. They are making those choices for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/31 "2003-05-22T18:02:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > \*\*Heterosexual men tend to lumber. Gay men rarely lumber. \*\* Lumber? 😕 Is that what lumberjacks do, the kind that wear women’s clothing and hang around in bars? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/32 "2003-05-22T18:42:38Z")
GAYDAR is so passé, get with the times. Infra-gay is the modern method. ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/33 "2003-05-22T19:29:15Z")
I have rarely had an opportunity to use my gaydar. I was right about one guy being gay, but I knew briefly a girl and never suspected once that she was a bisexual. I live in a small Southern town. If there’re homosexuals in our midst, they all hide it well, to my mild disappointment. I thought I’d have an advantage in this department, too, being as Kinsey-2 bisexual as I am. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/34 "2003-05-22T21:13:55Z")
Its usually a combination of things, but really hard to pin down. Generally speaking, one can tell by paying attention to body movement. A good number of gay men tend to carry themselves in a very slightly more feminine way, or be a bit warmer/friendlier than most straight guys. Eye contact is another thing. Most gay guys will keep eye contact with you for a little bit longer. Think a more subtle version of what most guys do to women. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/35 "2003-05-22T21:52:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Priam \* > \*\*If I think they’re attractive, they’re probably also straight. Hence why I’m sitting here… alone… in a dark house _chokes back a sob_ \*\* Oh please! All the hot guys always turn out to be GAY! Don’t give me that. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/36 "2003-05-22T22:14:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Oh please! All the hot guys always turn out to be GAY! > > Don’t give me that. > > ☹ \*\* Oh puh-lease. Seriously though, it probably at least partially comes from the allure of the unattainable. Things look a lot better when we know we can’t have them, and tend to lose that shimmer once we’ve found out that in fact we can. Its like the Christmas present you spent months agonizing over, sure it would be _the perfect gift_ any child could ever want, but you couldn’t have it yet no matter how much you pleaded for one gift early. Suddenly Christmas day rolls around, you open up the present… and suddenly realize its just a cheap piece of plastic made in China, not as pretty as the commercials made it look. ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/37 "2003-05-22T23:04:32Z")
I don’t know that I can tell, but I got a good giggle out of the gay assumption base solely on “red Tulips”. In some crowds, any mention of “red tulips” could ONLY indicate a hetero male who uses vulgar euphemisms. …and that’s all I have to say about that! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/38 "2003-05-22T23:33:35Z")
I just whip out my Palm Pilot, fire up [this](http://www.palmtown.com/games/xgm74.php) and I have conclusive proof. I had no idea there were so many 'mos in my area until I used this handy dandy product! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/39 "2003-05-22T23:37:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Lumber: the opposite of mince. \*\* Okay… if you julienne, chop, and grate I no longer need a food processor. 😃 😉 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/40 "2003-05-22T23:39:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > \*\*You’re living a lie!! \*\* I pointed my Gaydar programme at you and it came up with: “See Tarzan, hear Jane.” Now… _who’s_ living a lie? :dubious: 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723.md?page=3)