# How do you "identify" the sexual orientation of strangers? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723 "2003-05-22T02:47:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/41 "2003-05-22T23:50:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by summerbreeze \* > \*\* > **matt\_\_mcl** – what 2 major identifying symbols do you wear? \*\* The advanced homosexual needs no identifying symbols. The radiance that issues forth from them shows to all the beacon of a lighthouse of homodom they have become. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/42 "2003-05-22T23:53:37Z")
OMG guys I’m ROTF at this thread. I LOVE it. All my friends know I have an innate sense about gays. I can spot a fem lez from 100 yards and a gay guy from 200. I worked with a gay guy once and he was AMAZED at my percentage 80-90% accurate. I knew my husband wasn’t gay even tho everyone else thought he was! I think it’s funny tho that most people look at me and say I’m straight. They all assume that just because I’m married that means I’m straight. As a matter of fact, I’m as close to being a lesbian as you can get and still be considered bi. I love ALL women 😉 but I only have sex with one man… my hubby. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/43 "2003-05-23T01:54:18Z")
Um…mince? I’m sooo out of the loop. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/44 "2003-05-23T02:00:22Z")
Walking in tiny, prissy little steps. Like a ballerina. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/45 "2003-05-23T02:12:01Z")
My friends tease me because they can use me as their gaydar (unwittingly, of course) “Hey Malkie, do you think that boy is attractive?” “Totally.” “Damn, prolly gay then.” “Gee, thanks.” I’m amazingly accurate. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/46 "2003-05-23T02:59:27Z")
No, it wasn’t a whoosh; I have two earrings in my right ear (I know, way retro) and I try to have at least one other symbol (either rainbow or pink triangle, or at least a slogan like 2Q2BSTR8) at all times. ---
**Author:** ![superstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@superstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/superstar)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/47 "2003-05-23T07:44:12Z")
I’m a very Fem Lesbian, and most people think I’m straight. Which makes it hard. When I go to clubs they think I’m a straight girl hanging out with my gay friends for a bit of fun. Luckily I’m with another Fem Lesbian so I don’t have to worry anymore. But really Fem Lesbians don’t get approached as much, except by guys. But I can still spot other Lesbians by their eye contact, which seems to linger a little longer than usual. Except for the really butch ones they are a dead give away, you’d have to be blind! What makes me laugh is when my super butch lesbian friends tell me that their parents don’t know they are gay!!! Oh my God are they stupid? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/48 "2003-05-23T07:51:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by superstar \* > \*\*What makes me laugh is when my super butch lesbian friends tell me that their parents don’t know they are gay!!! Oh my God are they stupid? \*\* I believe the word is “denial”. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/49 "2003-05-23T10:56:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrazyCatLady \* > \*\*Well, frankly, I try to spend as little time thinking about other people’s sex lives as possible. It just tends not to occur to me to think of other people as sexual creatures at all. \*\* I thought it was just me:D My thoughts rarely wander over to anything appoaching a thought about the sex lives of men I’m not interested in, but occasionally the startling thought " Holy shit, all men have penises all day everyday!" does filter through. I mean, all of them, the old guy looking for prunes at the grocery store, the guy getting gas, the guy dressed in the Wildcats costume…then I try to think about something else, quickly. So, yeah, I don’t tend to think much about the sex lives of strangers. Unless they’re in a gay pride parade, or fondling their companion, the thoughts about their orientation probably aren’t going to register. ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/50 "2003-05-23T11:33:25Z")
**superstar** : me, too. Only giveaway (to some) in my physical appearance is my short fingernails. I carry a rainbow keyring, but around here people think the rainbow symbolizes cheerfulness, not gay-ity. Like a lot of you, I don’t think about the sex lives of strangers much; started the thread because other people seem to – the cashiers mentioned above went on to speculate about the potpourri-buyer’s boyfriend, etc. – & all I thought about him was that he must like his house to smell nice. And, **Priceguy** , it’s not just parents who’re in denial. After 7 years my kids still refer to my partner as my “housemate.” ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/51 "2003-05-23T15:25:11Z")
short fingernails? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/52 "2003-05-23T19:53:35Z")
I’m pretty close to being oblivious. If the person in question is another guy, I’ll figure out that he’s gay if he says so or he makes an explicit pass at me. Occasionally I’ll have my suspicions (That guy makes me uncomfortable, why the heck does he always stick his tongue out at me at the end of every sentence?) but I can never figure out how people can be so sure. If it’s a she, put me down as yet another person whose most accurate barometer of whether or not she’s gal-centric is that I find her fascinating and attractive ☹ (So why the heck _can’t_ straight women behave and carry themselves like Rosie O’Donnell? Explain me that!??) When I was younger I seemed to foul up other folks’ gaydar something awful, but as I’ve become middle-aged and probably less cute I probably don’t get scanned in the first place as often. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/53 "2003-05-23T20:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Lumber: the opposite of mince. \*\* That works for food, too. I have remarkably little in the way of gaydar. I have to see an actual PDA before I’m likely to catch on, and even then, not always. A member of my family has been gay my entire life and I never caught clue one until, at age 18, I walked in on her and her girlfriend… I’ve been told that several guys practically threw themselves at my feet and I had no clue whatsoever. I’ve also developed crushes on or asked out a surprising number of lesbians. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/54 "2003-05-23T22:52:54Z")
What I’d like to know is do gay people know when we’re straight? That doesn’t seem to have been discussed yet in the thread, well sortof, but in reverse. Do gay people have “straightdar”? ---
**Author:** ![soulsearcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@soulsearcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsearcher)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/55 "2003-05-23T23:06:25Z")
i have the worst gaydar ever. i was speaking to this really nice guy at a pub one night, who had his legs crossed knee directly over knee, and would occasionally put both hands on top of said knee and lean towards me, and it took a jab in the side from a galpal to bring me enlightenment ---
**Author:** ![superstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@superstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/superstar)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/56 "2003-05-23T23:39:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*What I’d like to know is do gay people know when we’re straight? That doesn’t seem to have been discussed yet in the thread, well sortof, but in reverse. > > Do gay people have “straightdar”? \*\* I assume everyone is straight to start with. The weird thing is that there are millions of “straight” people who would try gay sex once or twice for curiosity or a bit of fun… so who knows??? I’ve had straight people come on to me more than once!! ---
**Author:** ![summerbreeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@summerbreeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/summerbreeze)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/57 "2003-05-24T03:09:42Z")
Oh, **Terminus Est**! What sweet innocence! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/58 "2003-05-24T19:15:41Z")
Really-what DO short fingernails have to do with it? Because I’m a straight female and my nails are usually short-they’re really weak and when they get long they get raggedy and catch on things. But I do like to paint them and I wish I COULD have them long-but I’m a dunce when it comes to manicures. If I could afford to get my nails done once a week, I would. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/59 "2003-05-24T20:25:36Z")
Well there are other art forms that long fingernails tend to get in the way of. As I understand it. ---
**Author:** ![irishbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishbird)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723/60 "2003-05-24T20:57:19Z")
We were always told in school “If you don’t know, ASK!” so that’s what I do. Haven’t offended anyone yet 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-identify-the-sexual-orientation-of-strangers/176723.md?page=4)