# How do you judge character? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515 "2000-06-15T20:44:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jaytini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@jaytini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaytini)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/1 "2000-06-15T20:44:14Z")
I think this is something that everyone does, sometimes without even realising that they are doing it. for my self the best way for me to judge character is to go out to a restaurant with someone…and watch how they order their food, eat, treat the staff, etc…this comes from years of waiting on tables. however, i have found that the majority of times, if someone is rude to a server, i really don’t want to be friends with them, the bad characteristics carry over. (for example, went out to eat with my manager the other day…total bitch, kept asking where our food was, rude to our nice server, and that was the validation i needed to know for a fact that I DO NOT LIKE HER!!!) so what i want to know is…does anyone else have an unusual way of assesing someone’s personality, the clincher, if you will, if someone is acceptable friendship material? ---
**Author:** ![Norway\_Maple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e47c2d/32.png) [@Norway\_Maple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norway_Maple)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/2 "2000-06-15T20:54:17Z")
The people I like are always smiling, but never phoney about it. You can tell when they don’t think you are still watching and their expression turns cynical or bored. ---
**Author:** ![Occam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Occam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Occam)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/3 "2000-06-15T21:00:14Z")
I find out what they laugh at. Nothing betrays character like their humor. ---
**Author:** ![Sadderbut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sadderbut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sadderbut)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/4 "2000-06-15T21:30:25Z")
Write this down, you will want to quote it: “Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at” ~ Göthe ---
**Author:** ![Dumbguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dumbguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dumbguy)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/5 "2000-06-15T22:17:14Z")
I have a dipstick I use. It’s fairly accurate, though a little uncomfortable I’ve been told. ---
**Author:** ![billyt123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@billyt123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billyt123)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/6 "2000-06-16T01:24:45Z")
I sit back and watch how the person interacts with other people more than how they treat me, but i think that is pretty normal. My stranger test would be how they treat silence. Can we be alone and not say anything without there being an “uncomfortable” silence or do you have to fill every second telling stories just for the sake of saying something. Those people are the ones i stay away from ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/7 "2000-06-16T02:20:34Z")
Animals – watch how they treat them. Not only pets, but wildlife too. Do they slow down for the squirrel in the street or do they swerve to hit it? Do they understand why the bird sits on their car’s side mirror and poops? Do they calmly wash it off for the third time that day, or do they run for the .22? I’m sure there are exceptions, but overall, I think animal lovers are “good” people. But then I know a lot of folks who don’t really like animals, and they’re fine people too. And the woman who sits across from me at work as horses, dogs, cats and rabbits, and she’s a pain in the ass. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![SaintAlphonso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@SaintAlphonso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaintAlphonso)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/8 "2000-06-16T17:59:51Z")
I think it’s more than just what they laugh at, although that is certainly important as well. To me, someone who’s willing to laugh at themselves is someone with true character. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/9 "2000-06-16T18:32:54Z")
My mother told me, “you can always tell a lady or a gentleman by how they treat the help.” ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/10 "2000-06-16T19:13:20Z")
You can also tell by how they treat animals. And children. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/11 "2000-06-16T19:45:41Z")
How someone treats animals is important to me. I would probably not want to be friends with someone who clearly didn’t like animals, and I’d never go out more than once with a man upon discovering that he didn’t like animals. And I’d walk away in a second from someone who was _mean_ to animals (after making sure the jerk wouldn’t be hurting any more animals anytime soon … ironic, huh?). The server test is pretty good too. So is seeing how supposed “big shots” treat the support staff at their companies - you can always pick out the two-faced suck-ups that way. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/12 "2000-06-17T05:24:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > You can also tell by how they treat animals. And children. > \*\* I really don’t need to hear any more. This answer here says everything that’s needed. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/13 "2000-06-17T06:19:54Z")
Waitstaff, children, animals, it tends to boil down to one thing: How do they treat people (and critters) with less power than them? Ialso keep an eye out for what makes them laugh, especially if they can laugh at themselves. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/14 "2000-06-17T06:59:52Z")
Many of you are applying the “Golden Rule” test to how you judge others. Do they treat others as they wish to be treated? Works for me. Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/15 "2000-06-18T03:54:09Z")
Aims and intentions are all well and good, but talk is cheap. People tend to show you who they really are all the time, their actions give them away and always will. But it’s easy to be snowed by the persona they want to put out. When you think someone is acting out of character it’s usally an indicator that you were wrong about the assessment of their character. I read somewhere ‘If someone is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.’ ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/16 "2000-06-18T04:31:30Z")
Most of the above… The definition I’m still striving to achieve is, “a lady is one who is passionately concerned with the rights of others.” I’d say it also sums up the derided but valiant definition of “gentleman”. _Reputation_ is the the decision of onlookers, _character_ is what you are when you look inside. Tangential but useful point: the people who are the hardest on themselves, in quiet, dark moments, are the least likely to offer casual offense to others. Character is _trying_; failing sometimes, but keeping a benchmark nonetheless. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Twin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e68b1a/32.png) [@Evil\_Twin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Twin)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/17 "2000-06-18T05:27:32Z")
The best clue to character is choice of pen name. People with just one are inhibited. People with two are normal. People with several are outgoing, and flexible. People with dozens or thousands are programmers, who have made it a science. People with no pen name are completely without dreams. ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/18 "2000-06-18T09:14:52Z")
AuntiePam “Do they slow down for the squirrel in the street or do they swerve to hit it?” Uh… I’d say I’d put them forever on my shit list if they went out of their way to hit it. I guess I’ve gotta agree with Mangeorge… golden rule. If they treat others like shit, I can’t expect anything different from them. I try to treat others the way I’d like to be treated. And that includes fun and games. I get teased and bated out here but I know it’s mostly in jest. For the most part, everyone is pretty respectful of everyone else. But then there is this new poster… Sigh… ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/19 "2000-06-18T15:58:22Z")
I forget who said it, but I really agree with the quote “Character is what you are when no one’s looking.” The Golden Rule. Always. phouka said " How do they treat people (and critters) with less power than them?" Very telling, that. Veb, I like what you said also. Animals and children: how someone treats them says a lot about the kind of person they are. I don’t have any one way of assessing (I hate the word _judging_) someone’s character, but use a combination of these ways. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515/20 "2000-06-18T16:14:32Z")
‘He who can laugh at themselves, shall never cease to be amused’ -handy [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-judge-character/22515.md?page=2)