# How do you know if a girl likes you or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256 "2013-05-24T19:30:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/21 "2013-05-24T23:10:17Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > **AngelTorres** , thank you for reminding me why I didn’t waste my time and effort on having kids. Threadshitter ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/22 "2013-05-25T01:45:15Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > **AngelTorres** , thank you for reminding me why I didn’t waste my time and effort on having kids. This is pretty out of line for this forum…let’s avoid making these type of posts again. > [@campp](#): > > Threadshitter If you feel a post is breaking the rules or needs staff action, report the post instead. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/23 "2013-05-25T09:04:16Z")
> [@AngelTorres](#): > > Ok, I’m 13, I know that’s a little young but I have this\*\* major crush\*\* on a girl;). We are like total best friends for a long time. However, I sometimes feel she wants to be than that. Why not just ask her…because I’m afraid that if she says no things will get _awkward_. So, how do I find out without asking her??? If you are wondering about whether she likes you or not, then chances are she doesn’t like you. The doubt you are feeling is probably the result of her sending subtle negative messages which you do not want to believe. Anyway, the way to find out if she likes you without any awkwardness is to make a mild sexual advance in such a way that you have plausible deniability if she rebuffs you. So for example, you are talking with her, alone. All of a sudden you say “Hey, guess where I am going next week?” or “Guess what book I just read?” At the same time you put your hand on top of her hand. So it’s possible that you are just touching her to get her attention about something you consider important. Then you leave your hand on top of her hand while you are talking. If she pulls her hand away, it means you are the victim of unrequited lust. But at least it won’t be awkward since you can pretend to yourself and her that you were only trying to get her attention. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/24 "2013-05-25T09:20:19Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Ask her friends. God NO! You never know whether the friend you’re asking happens to have a crush on you and will lie out of spite… (yes, I had someone do that when a guy asked about me, why do you ask?) Ask her. Or touch her - but not grab, a soft touch, ok? Put your hand on her waist (her waist, not her ass!) or her back (if there’s a tit there, it’s not the back). It’s like asking, but in sign language. Best case scenario she’ll snuggle in; worst case she’ll brain you… (ok, no, just kidding - worst case is she steps away). ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/25 "2013-05-25T10:35:47Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > If you are wondering about whether she likes you or not, then chances are she doesn’t like you. The doubt you are feeling is probably the result of her sending subtle negative messages which you do not want to believe. Or she’s giving off subtle positive messages, but you aren’t sure enough of yourself to believe them. > [@brazil84](#): > > Anyway, the way to find out if she likes you without any awkwardness is to make a mild sexual advance in such a way that you have plausible deniability if she rebuffs you. So for example, you are talking with her, alone. All of a sudden you say “Hey, guess where I am going next week?” or “Guess what book I just read?” At the same time you put your hand on top of her hand. So it’s possible that you are just touching her to get her attention about something you consider important. Then you leave your hand on top of her hand while you are talking. If she pulls her hand away, it means you are the victim of unrequited lust. But at least it won’t be awkward since you can pretend to yourself and her that you were only trying to get her attention. They’re 13. She might pull her hand away because he has cooties. What he should really do is ask her to help him get a date with the hottest girl in school. She will reluctantly go through with it because they are friends, but if she gets steadily more frustrated and hostile, he’ll know she likes him! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/26 "2013-05-25T18:42:07Z")
You two are 13 and are good friends. Enjoy it. Tell her you like her. And then tell her that in addition to “liking” her, that you “like, like” her. Then tell her that some idiot on the internet said that you couldn’t kiss her until you were both married. But you think he might me an idiot. Then ask her if she thinks the person on the internet is an idiot. If she says that I am an idiot, then she like, likes you. And yes, I’m an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/27 "2013-05-25T20:41:31Z")
I think you don’t really. She could be sending you positive signs and you keep missing them. Or she could be not that into you, but you keep reading her diplomatic attempts to let you know as positive signs. You just never know until you ask. I think you should ask her out and brave the awkward. Ask her out- once - and if she rejects the offer then take the hit and don’t ask again. If it fails, yes, it will be awkward, but it’s not the end of the world and it will pass. If she doesn’t respect you for asking, she was not worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/28 "2013-05-25T21:10:08Z")
> [@AngelTorres](#): > > However, I sometimes feel she wants to be than that. Why not just ask her…because I’m afraid that if she says no things will get _awkward_. If it makes you feel better, this never happens when you are an adult. The ability to engage in satire disappears too, so growing up is a mixed bag. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/29 "2013-05-26T01:15:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Instead, go with “Sara, would you like to see The Hunger Games with me this Friday?” Then she doesn’t have to choose a boyfriend right then and there, but can rather just accept or reject that certain invitation. Only, don’t take her to see the Hunger Games. Or whatever the sequel is called. It’s not a good first date movie. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/30 "2013-05-26T01:25:22Z")
Mace means no. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/31 "2013-05-26T17:59:41Z")
Her liking you is not a prerequisite to asker her out. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/32 "2013-05-26T18:39:08Z")
> [@AngelTorres](#): > > Ok, I’m 13, I know that’s a little young but I have this\*\* major crush\*\* on a girl;). We are like total best friends for a long time. However, I sometimes feel she wants to be than that. Why not just ask her…because I’m afraid that if she says no things will get _awkward_. So, how do I find out without asking her??? Just be yourself, lad. Like loads of books, like loads of music, keep yourself clean, be funny and kind. It might not always work, and that is hard at your age, but you’ll be fine. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/33 "2013-05-26T19:08:18Z")
Look in her eyes. You’ll know. If her eyes look just like everyone else’s, there is nothing special going on. I’m not sure what the difference is, but I think two of the indicators are appearing slightly watery, which makes them more reflective (sparkly), and the pupils will dilate (get larger) a little. Learning to recognize that will last you the rest of your life, and serve you well. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/34 "2013-05-26T19:26:50Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Look in her eyes. You’ll know. > > If her eyes look just like everyone else’s, there is nothing special going on. > > I’m not sure what the difference is, but I think two of the indicators are appearing slightly watery, which makes them more reflective (sparkly), and the pupils will dilate (get larger) a little. > > Learning to recognize that will last you the rest of your life, and serve you well. this also works for diagnosing concussions! ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/35 "2013-05-26T20:28:19Z")
Plausible deniability, i.e. indirect speech. The absolute best lecture I’ve ever seen on the subject. Well worth watching if you have ten minutes: [RSA ANIMATE: Language as a Window into Human Nature - YouTube](http://youtu.be/3-son3EJTrU) ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/36 "2013-05-26T21:32:37Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > Plausible deniability, i.e. indirect speech. The absolute best lecture I’ve ever seen on the subject. Well worth watching if you have ten minutes: [http://youtu.be/3-son3EJTrU](http://youtu.be/3-son3EJTrU) That was pretty good. Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/37 "2013-07-09T11:17:02Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Or she’s giving off subtle positive messages, but you aren’t sure enough of yourself to believe them. Based on my experience (and that of other men I have discussed this with), that’s very unlikely. How many girls have you pursued in your life? > [@](#): > > They’re 13. She might pull her hand away because he has cooties. Well then the question of whether she likes him is kind of a moot point. > [@](#): > > What he should really do is ask her to help him get a date with the hottest girl in school. To me that sounds like a good way to end up in the Friend Zone. Have you ever tried this or seen it tried in real life? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/38 "2013-07-09T13:26:04Z")
Time to inject a little realism into this dynamic. If she is interested in you, the odds that this girl is going to be your soulmate, where you’re going to date through high school, get married, have kids, and grow old together is about 1,000 to 1. The remaining 99.9% of the time this girl is going to just be a girlfriend for a while and you’ll hopefully have fond memories of your time together, however long or short it may be. Let’s also ask, how many girls do you know who you have no particular romantical interest in? These girls are not bad or worthless, they’re just not girls you feel romantic about. It’s OK for these girls to like you without you liking them back, and it’s OK for you to like this girl without her liking you back. So, what it boils down to is this… You need to be OK with the idea that she’s not interested in you. I mean, really OK with it. If you’re not OK with it, that’s a problem you have to solve for yourself before doing anything. Then, just be direct and honest, say you’re interested in going out with her, but you’re totally cool with it if she’s not, and MEAN IT. If she’s not interested, drop the subject forever, and don’t turn into some asshole because of it. ---
**Author:** ![Sterling\_Archer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Sterling\_Archer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterling_Archer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/39 "2013-07-09T16:01:35Z")
99% of girls give off obvious signals when they like a guy. Things like touching your arm when she laughs, putting her arm through yours when you’re walking, but the most obvious one of all is how she acts when you greet her unexpectedly. Does she light up and smile? Or is she just like “Oh it’s you, hey.” If you’re still not sure, put your hand on her arm next time you are laughing together. That will tell you all you need to know. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256/40 "2013-07-09T16:19:30Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Ask her. Or touch her - but not grab, a soft touch, ok? Put your hand on her waist (her waist, not her ass!) or her back (if there’s a tit there, it’s not the back). It’s like asking, but in sign language. Best case scenario she’ll snuggle in; worst case she’ll brain you… (ok, no, just kidding - worst case is she steps away). I’ll have to go ahead and give my own “God NO!” to your touching advice. Drewtwo gave the best answer so far. Just ask her out on a date and be clear that you mean it is a date. If she says no, and you’re worried about it being awkward, know that whether or not it’s awkward is entirely in your hands. If you’re awkward and hurt by it, it will be awkward and weird. If you carry on and shrug it off as no big deal, it won’t be a big deal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-a-girl-likes-you-or-not/659256.md?page=3)