# How Do you know if you're in Love **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2000, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213 "2000-08-13T21:12:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Road\_Rash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@Road\_Rash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Road_Rash)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/21 "2000-08-14T03:12:34Z")
If you start doing weird ass things you do not ordinarily do is a good sign of being in love. On the good side it can include writing poetry, writing good poetry, partying more, doing new things, have sex like greased pigs. But it is an emotional roller-coaster ride and there are moments of jealosy, fear of commitment, resisting temptations of non-commitment (how/why do the really hot girls always hit on you only when you have a steady girlfriend). It can be quite distracting from your personal and professional life. There is also the kind of love only people who have been together awhile have. They have seperate lives, but sleep together and have sex but not every night together. They do girl/guys out with their female/male friends seperate from each other, and spend time with couples together. One cooks, the other takes care of the yard. One does the bookkeeping, the other sets the social calender. The first paragraph describes me. The second a very close friend, who has a very good relationship with a pretty, hard working girl worthy of any man. ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/22 "2000-08-14T03:58:21Z")
I think I remember something that Hobbes from the cartoon _Calvin and Hobbes_ said that explains it. Though I’m paraphrasing, medically speaking, first you see her and your heart falls into your stomach, then you get all clumsy, and when you go up to her you lose control of your mouth and jabber like an idiot until she walks away. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/23 "2000-08-14T04:07:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bear\_Nenno \* > \*\* > Ask yourself, “If this person was shot in the face and seriously disfigured. No more nose, one eye, half a jaw, etc. Would I stay with him/her through it all and still love him/her just the same?” > > If you think about it thoroughly and give yourself an honest answer, you will know. > \*\* I’ve used this myself. It’s gruesome, but damn, it works. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/24 "2000-08-14T06:12:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pLt \* > \*\*You know you’er in love when they are the first thing you think of in the morning, the last thing you think of before sleeping and all you think of in between. \*\* The same can be said for infatuation. My test (nobody has passed it yet): Would I give up everything I have to be with her, including everything I believe? ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/25 "2000-08-14T06:49:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeeshan \* > \*\*well sex won’t be different,or is there any difference in making love and fucking? > Bye > Zeeshan \*\* Making love and fucking are two different worlds. Fucking is just having sex randomly and without any feeling to it. Having sex is having some feeling, but not in a close way, not like in a loving way. Making love is sharing a beautiful act between two people who show love for each other in every circumstance. It’s kind of hard for me to explain this, but it takes a lot of feeling to make love and none to fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/26 "2000-08-14T07:28:30Z")
Well, the most reliable way is to stay in extremely close proximity for twenty years or so. If you can still stand them, dispite all thier problems and failiures, and once you see them at thier very worst, you proably love them. Pretty much any other test can give you a false positive, via either lust, real sympathy, (which can be one hell of an aphrodisiac) fear of being alone, need of comfort, self delusion, desire to fit into accepted social roles, watching too many romantic movies or shojo anime, or bad clams. Nobody _really_ knows, I think. I’ve seen too many people who were just _so sure_ that their love was perfect and forever, and later it just didn’t take. Give it some time, and if you still feel the same, and if you seem compatable, give it a shot. If I wasn’t such a romantic, I just MIGHT consider the possiblity that maybe this whole love thing is just the rationalization of our social structure, primal drives and fears. Who’s proponents I might actually have contempt for if I didn’t envy them so much. Making love is about intimacy and comfort. Fucking is about chemestry, passion and pleasure. And sometimes power, if you’re into that kind of thing. They’re not completly mutually exclusive, but usually its one or the other. Ideally, one hopes to find a partner with which one can do both, though not necisarily at the same time. If only because once you hit 65, fucking becomes more difficult. Or so I’m told. I’m not sure that fucking involves less feeling, though, ssskuggiii. It’s just that it requires less intimacy. And real intimacy is very scary. Think of it this way. You make love with your good side. You fuck with your evil side. 🙂 Calling on my \ _vast_ romantic experience \ of course. Feel free to dismiss this as me talking out of my ass, but I’m feeling . . . introspective tonight. – “This is how I see it. Everyone else is out doing this, while I sit at home in my underwear eating a grilled cheese sandwich.” ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/27 "2000-08-14T11:01:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fille\_parfaite \* > \*\*There are twelve or so ways to say love in Latin. You know why? Because our society has fucked with the word love 'til we don’t know a gurgle in our stomach from a lifetime commitment. Real love is a lot of hard work. > > You wanna know my theory? Use people. Use the hell out of them! Tip them upside down and shake them like fucking piggy banks until you have all their nice, shiny pennies in your hot little hand. Then smash them on the sidewalk and proceed on your merry way… > … > So, enjoy this person while you have them, but know that you could live without them and that “love” as a word means nothing. It’s actions that supply the proof. > \*\* I pity you. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/28 "2000-08-14T11:10:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamadryad \* > \*\*Okay. If your dearly beloved comes home from an all-night pub crawl, and vomits repeatedly, and soils his or her drawers, and babbles incoherently the whole while, and possibly mentions the names of three or four people you’ve never heard of, and you get them cleaned up and in bed and get their things cleaned up and clean the bathroom and STILL manage to look at them with love…then it’s love. \*\* or… If your dearly beloved comes home from a boys night out to the strippers, and wants to as Chiefy so kindly put, fuck you, its probably not love. ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/29 "2000-08-14T12:04:15Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by CanadianSue \* \*\* > [@](#): > > or… If your dearly beloved comes home from a boys night out to the strippers, and wants to as Chiefy so kindly put, fuck you, its probably not love. \*\* HAHAHAHA Thats a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/30 "2000-08-14T14:14:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Would I give up everything I have to be with her, including everything I believe? The first part of that sentence, yes. Definitely. The second part is a bit dangerous. Sorry, but that involves changing yourself to please someone else, and that’s about as wrong as wrong can be. Sure, you can change little things about your belief pattern–I sure as hell never thought about having children until I fell in love, but changing everything is just a little much. In love, you want someone you can be completely yourself with, without fear. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/31 "2000-08-14T15:03:28Z")
“How can you tell the difference between love and an infatuation?” If you are a guy, look at your mother naked & also look at Britney Spears naked. Then input & decode those feelings. Want to know if someone likes you? Watch them & see if they preen. Preening is one subconscious clue. ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/32 "2000-08-14T22:01:36Z")
What the hell is preening? ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/33 "2000-08-14T22:10:01Z")
Well, according to my girlfriend, you have to have those, and I quote, “mushy gushy” feelings. 😕 Hijack Ladies, please tell me what the hell that meens. ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/34 "2000-08-15T12:46:09Z")
i dunno but the mushy gushy feelings are for girls,or are they for both sexes and what exactly is a mushy gushy feeling? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/35 "2000-08-15T16:22:55Z")
PREENING: To make oneself slick. Okay, if you are a guy, you walk down the street. You see a woman coming down the street & as she sees you, she pulls her hair back & maybe adjusts her clothes a little. That’s preening to impress the attractive male. Some women aren’t so obvious. A lot of times I have a woman with me & later the woman told me that a lot of women were looking at me. I can’t tell because they do that when Im not looking at them. Sometimes I can catch them in a store window by looking at the reflection. mushy gushy feeeling: time to change the panties. ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/36 "2000-08-15T16:25:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\* > mushy gushy feeeling: time to change the panties. > \*\* Thats just plain sick…funny as hell…but sick. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/37 "2000-08-15T16:38:15Z")
I had a psych professor once who told me about this study where they monitored the brain activity of people experiancing various emotional states. Fear and being “in love” were nearly indistiguishable. Explains why so many women fall for “the bad guy.” That ain’t love, it’s a misinterpreted fear responce. As for the mushy-gushy feeling, you got me. Does she use phrases like “iggly-piggly” and “schmooky-wooky,” too? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/38 "2000-08-15T16:47:06Z")
How do you know? Easy…no such thing as love. Hell, SOMEONE has to be the cynical bitch around here. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/39 "2000-08-15T17:12:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Drain Bead \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Would I give up everything I have to be with her, including everything I believe? > > The first part of that sentence, yes. Definitely. The second part is a bit dangerous. Sorry, but that involves changing yourself to please someone else, and that’s about as wrong as wrong can be. Sure, you can change little things about your belief pattern–I sure as hell never thought about having children until I fell in love, but changing everything is just a little much. In love, you want someone you can be completely yourself with, without fear. \*\* Good work Libby. I was going to mention something about that as well. When you give up what you believe for another person, I don’t see how that person could respect you. Sounds like more of codependence. I’m sure that’s not what you intended iampunha, but watch the definition. ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213/40 "2000-08-15T17:17:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles \* > \*\* > As for the mushy-gushy feeling, you got me. Does she use phrases like “iggly-piggly” and “schmooky-wooky,” too? \*\* No she doesn’t. She is very strange. Oh well, i’m sure there good feelings. And as long as she still has them im fine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love/29213.md?page=3)