# How do YOU make the Baby Jesus cry? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165 "2001-06-17T23:41:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/1 "2001-06-17T23:41:05Z")
There are a lot of things that make the Baby Jesus cry. Anal sex, for example, makes the Baby Jesus cry. Chopped liver makes the Baby Jesus cry, I’m sure. What else? (I’m sorry, but I find the whole ‘\_\_\_\_\_ makes Baby Jesus cry.’ so very funny. Have at it, people. Make me laugh. :)) Rose ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/2 "2001-06-17T23:43:32Z")
Diaper rash? Teething, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/3 "2001-06-17T23:45:54Z")
Anal sex only makes the baby Jesus cry because He isn’t using enough lubricant. Told a kid I am fighting with that self-pity makes the baby Jesus cry, and that he (the kid) is thereby making Jesus colicky. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/4 "2001-06-17T23:54:54Z")
I make the baby Jesus cry by telling him he’s adopted. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/5 "2001-06-18T00:04:56Z")
Dunno 'bout the Baby Jesus, but my grandma always used to say that when girls whistled, it made the Virgin Mary cry. Course, she also said not to sit on cold concrete or else we’d get piles… I bet piles would make the Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/6 "2001-06-18T00:07:55Z")
When you touch yourself, the saints cry. -Crow T. Robot ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/7 "2001-06-18T00:14:21Z")
_I_ make the baby Jesus cry. No, seriously: I make all babies cry. I just look at them and they burst into tears. I’m still trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing … ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/8 "2001-06-18T00:18:56Z")
I’ve got a list 🙂 Raised Jewish. Currently Wiccan. I swear like a Teamster who dropped a hammer on his foot. I flirt. I go commando 75% of the time. I lust in my heart (and other places) for Jeff Hardy,Stinky Paws,others I won’t mention. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/9 "2001-06-18T00:21:37Z")
Knickers makes Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/10 "2001-06-18T00:31:52Z")
I play Dungeons & Dragons, which as we learned from Jack Chick, is evil. Playing D&D makes Baby Jesus cry. I also enjoy reading the Harry Potter books, which promotes witchcraft, which makes Baby Jesus cry. And **hardygrrl** , you left out being a Cubs fan. I think it’s obvious that God is not a Cubs fan, so rooting for the Cubs makes Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/11 "2001-06-18T01:03:54Z")
Onions ? Tear gas ? The _Pearl Harbor_ movie ? The TV Fall line-up ? And **Crunchy** , if playing D & D makes Baby Jesus cry, what does playing _Call of Cthulhu_ make him do ? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/12 "2001-06-18T01:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by detop \* > \*\*And **Crunchy** , if playing D & D makes Baby Jesus cry, what does playing _Call of Cthulhu_ make him do ? \*\* I don’t recommend that. That just pisses him off. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/13 "2001-06-18T01:23:45Z")
I, like many, read CAPAlert for fun. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/14 "2001-06-18T01:45:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > > And **hardygrrl** , you left out being a Cubs fan. > I think it’s obvious that God is not a Cubs fan, so rooting for the Cubs makes Baby Jesus cry. > \*\* Whereas rooting for the Cardinals makes Satan do a happy,get out of the tarp roller’s way dance. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/15 "2001-06-18T01:58:03Z")
Not eating all of your dinner makes the baby Jesus cry. Not sharing your toys makes the baby Jesus cry. Not saying “please” and “thank you” makes the little baby Jesus cry. Giving up your dog to the animal shelter makes the little baby Jesus cry. Little children who don’t sit still and pay attention in church make the little baby Jesus cry. Laughing at the handicapped makes the little baby Jesus cry. Driving 10 MPH under the speed limit in the passing lane on the Interstate makes the little baby Jesus cry. Billboards make the little baby Jesus cry. Wasting His precious natural resources by driving a Ford Excursion two blocks to Whole Foods to buy some free-range tofu makes the little baby Jesus cry. Wal-Mart makes the little baby Jesus cry, especially when they close down a big Wal-Mart to open an even bigger Wal-Mart across the street. El Paso, Texas makes the little baby Jesus cry. Bill Gates makes the little baby Jesus cry. “Whackings” on The Sopranos makes the little baby Jesus cry, but the long-haired hippie adult Jesus stays home on Sunday night to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/16 "2001-06-18T02:20:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Whereas rooting for the Cardinals makes Satan do a happy,get out of the tarp roller’s way dance. \*\* Sweetheart, about the tarp-roller incident… The horse can’t feel the whip anymore. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/17 "2001-06-18T02:21:13Z")
Dammit! After I hit submit, I think to say: Beating a dead horse makes baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/18 "2001-06-18T02:33:45Z")
Fine Crunchy…I’ll let the tarp roller incident drop. However…I’d like you to take a look at the NL standings when you have a moment…gee,is that Chicago in first place? [sub] You have to admit,Crunchy my pet,it’s funny. Just give up and admit it. You’ll feel much better.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/19 "2001-06-18T03:22:32Z")
Using the search function makes Baby Jesus cry. I learned that from **Anthracite.** ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/20 "2001-06-18T03:27:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > **gee,is that Chicago in first place?** I know. Shocking isn’t it. Of course it doesn’t really matter who’s in first now. Brag at the end of the season, if you still have a reason to. Of course, bragging makes baby Jesus cry. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165.md?page=2)