# How do YOU make the Baby Jesus cry? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165 "2001-06-17T23:41:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2001, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/41 "2001-06-19T20:48:43Z")
Post count parties make the Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/42 "2001-06-20T01:15:01Z")
Pictures of stretched anuses make Baby Jesus Cry ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/43 "2001-06-20T02:25:59Z")
A long long time ago I can still remember how that baby jesus used to cry And I knew if I had my chance That I could make jesus wet his pants And maybe he’d be happy for awhile. But vB searches made him gasp even with threads of a stretched out ass Bad news for the b.j. he kept on crying the whole day. Well I remember of his sigh and something touched me deep inside when the dopers came together to try to get baby jesus to cry. So cry cry baby jesus cry. oh felching and the belching brings a tear to his eye And good ol’ wisemen they come stoppin by saying soon you gonna be crucified. soon you gonna be crucified. oh, did you write the book of Dope? And did you have faith that ol’ Cecil’s the hope In stopping what makes jesus weep? And do you believe that jesus blubbers when you post of goats and a box of rubbers well you know that baby jesus prefers sheep Well jesus seems to be out of luck With a pink ol’ ass that just ripe for a fuck and I know that sloppy seconds would suck The day baby jesus cried. And we were singing Cry cry baby jesus cry. oh felching and the belching brings a tear to his eye And good ol’ wisemen they come stoppin by saying soon you gonna be crucified. soon you gonna be crucified. ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/44 "2001-06-20T03:09:59Z")
**Ender** , you are a genius. 😃 Bravo! Rose ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/45 "2001-06-20T04:27:20Z")
That post made the baby Jesus cry (but it made me laugh). Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/46 "2001-06-20T04:37:40Z")
Laughing so hard you pee makes the Baby Jesus cry. Ender, you fucking rock. (No disrespect intended to Esprix, who rocks.) ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/47 "2001-06-20T04:58:13Z")
The Baby Jesus Buttplug makes baby Jesus cry. [http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.html](http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.html) ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/48 "2001-06-20T04:59:29Z")
spitting chaw makes the baby Jesus cry excessive rain makes the baby Jesus cry Lambs make the Baby Jesus cry yuppies make the baby Jesus cry mean people make the baby Jesus cry scary people make the baby jesus cry mean and scary people make the baby Jesus cry mean and scary people spitting chaw make the baby Jesus cry mean and scary people, who just happen to be yuppies, spitting chaw make the baby jesus cry mean and scary people, who just happen to be yuppies, spitting chaw while riding on a lamb make the baby jesus cry mean and scary people, who just happen to be yuppies, spitting chaw while riding on a lamb while it’s raining excessively make the baby jesus cry ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/49 "2001-06-20T05:23:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > **Wasting His precious natural resources by driving a Ford Excursion two blocks to Whole Foods to buy some free-range tofu makes the little baby Jesus cry.** You know, if I wasn’t too lazy to have a signature, I’d ask for that. And I surf the web on company time–that makes the baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2001, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/50 "2001-06-20T06:30:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fnord1966 \* > \*\*The Baby Jesus Buttplug makes baby Jesus cry. > [http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.html](http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.html) > \*\* How much you want to bet He’s not using enough lubricant? In my experience, having $24 left in the bank and 12 days until payday always makes the Baby Jesus cry! ---
**Author:** ![Sparteye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Sparteye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparteye)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/51 "2001-06-21T02:31:48Z")
When I was very little, I had a baby doll which, when fed water from a little baby bottle, would then “wet.” Due to some incident I no longer recall, the doll lost one of its eyes. I named the doll “Baby Jesus.” I never made Baby Jesus cry, even out of only one eye, but I sure could make him pee. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/52 "2001-06-22T02:44:54Z")
Watching **A Charlie Brown Christmas** makes the Baby Jesus cry. And the end of **Charlotte’s Web** fucks him up pretty good, too. But finding out that someone else is wearing the same prom gown as him makes him sob uncontrollably in the girls’ bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/53 "2001-06-22T06:21:33Z")
This’ll make Baby Jesus cry… Hey, kid…guess what happens to you in your early 30s! Uh-huh!! And there ain’t no way you’re going to get out of it, either! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/54 "2001-06-22T06:27:11Z")
Dial-up internet connections make the Baby Jesus cry. AAA TripTik maps make the Baby Jesus cry. Vegemite makes the Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Spooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Spooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spooky)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/55 "2001-06-23T11:23:57Z")
I’ll tell you what will make the Baby Jesus Cry… being wrapped in swaddling clothes, laid in a manger, and put out on someone’s front lawn during the Yuletide… and left there till July! ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/56 "2001-06-27T19:25:29Z")
[Thinking that he is an alien makes the baby Jesus cry.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=75378) ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/57 "2001-06-27T22:48:39Z")
I hear that Tear Gas made Big Baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/58 "2001-06-27T23:37:56Z")
Homosexual sex makes the baby Jesus squeal like a pig. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/59 "2001-06-28T00:46:45Z")
Burt Reynolds makes the little baby Jesus cry. Qwest DSL makes the little baby Jesus cry. Strippers (female exotic dancers) wearing pasties make the little baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165/60 "2001-06-28T03:27:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*Homosexual sex makes the baby Jesus squeal like a pig. > > Esprix \*\* As long as it’s a happy pig! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-make-the-baby-jesus-cry/69165.md?page=4)