# How do YOU mend a broken heart? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 25, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101 "2006-09-25T18:22:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Yeeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/96bed5/32.png) [@Yeeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeeter)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/41 "2006-09-26T03:10:40Z")
Ok, I just had my heart broken a week ago. Since then, I’ve had a longing to be with my friends and family. I spent Sunday with my buddy Bryan and that helped. Keeping busy is good, but you have to do something that will occupy your mind, I’ve found myself spending every spare minute thinking about HER. One brain activity that has been helpful for me is Sudoku, you need to find something you enjoy like a puzzle or even some artistic outlet. I have tried sketching/doodling but it’s all coming out as women (not skilled enough to draw specific women). Oh and have music or television fill the silence, I end up talking to myself when it’s quiet and the subject of my discussions is usually HER. I have spent a lot of time on SDMB, which is kind of like having friends to talk to. I am also consumed with trying to resolve being HER friend at some point (see [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=389237)). I’m not good at this stuff, so I don’t know why I’m trying to give advice. Cheers and good luck, you’re not alone -Y. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/42 "2006-09-26T03:19:20Z")
Having just been through (and I would suppose still technically in the middle of, though getting better) the same thing I can give you a run down of what I’ve done to make myself feel better. Week one: drinking, not quite to excess but enough that I can distract myself without everything reminding me of her Week two: self delusion, kept telling myself that I was better off, and even though I didn’t actually believe it it made me feel a little better for a while. Week three - present: Threw mayself obsessivly into my hobbies and even picked up a new one, writing, at the advice of someone here (I apologize but I can’t recall who it was). I tried throwing myself completely into my job, but that ended up depressing me more as I am not a huge fan of my work and acting as though it was all I had in my life was not pleasent. And if it makes you feel better appearing high maitenence (hell, even _being_ high maitenence) is not a universal turn off for guys. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/43 "2006-09-26T03:21:28Z")
I always try to keep busy and be with other people. I’m one of those girls who perversely enjoys wallowing in despair, which I know is not good for me, and being with other people doing stuff usually helps me snap out of it. So I usually curl up and sniffle for awhile, then force myself to get out of the house and act like a human being. And then there comes that time when I am able to look back and be like, I am SO over that now. It does come eventually, thank God. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JoeSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b487fb/32.png) [@JoeSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeSki)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/44 "2006-09-26T03:35:04Z")
Jog. Run long, run hard, and run fast. It feels like you’re beating yourself down and picking yourself up all at once. You won’t even notice the miles ticking by. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/45 "2006-09-26T03:37:18Z")
[QUOTE=Alistair McCello] And if it makes you feel better appearing high maitenence (hell, even _being_ high maitenence) is not a universal turn off for guys. [/QUOTE] Well, that’s something I guess. However, I’ve lost so much weight that most of my clothes are falling off. I’m not going to look super high maitenence in sweats. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/46 "2006-09-26T13:43:28Z")
I get in my car, pop in the Everclear and drive around the city bellowing “Santa Monica” at the top of my lungs. I do this for a long time. Then I get on the rowing machine and smash the living hell out of my legs and arms, followed by enough crunches to make me almost puke. Then I go get fucked up and play some video games. Sober up, do some more singing and driving. Repeat as necessary. Then I pathetically start calling all my backups to see who is single and who is not, and sniff around to see if anyone wants to have a tawdry fling to help me rebuild my self-esteem. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/47 "2006-09-26T13:49:22Z")
[QUOTE=Grossbottom] Then I pathetically start calling all my backups to see who is single and who is not, and sniff around to see if anyone wants to have a tawdry fling to help me rebuild my self-esteem. [/QUOTE] Shit - I don’t have any backups. I was talking to my girlfriend who just got married (sister of Mr. Heartbreaker, actually), and she was talking about her now husband’s good female friend who had her nose out of joint about the wedding. Apparently, the groom was her “backup”. I guess many women have a “backup” guy that they figure they’ll end up with if no one else comes along. That, in and of itself, strikes me as a little sad. Worse though, is that I have NO backup. Well, unless my dog counts. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. \ Broken heart and no backup. It’s a sad, sad day in the Wonderland household. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/48 "2006-09-26T14:21:00Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Shit - I don’t have any backups. [/QUOTE] OK, there’s the bright side, right there – you won’t end up with some guy you don’t **really** like! Sure, you may be down for a while now (and sorry, I don’t have any creative ideas for combatting _that_). But at least sooner or later (probably sooner rather than later in your case, too) another guy will come along – who you’ll be with **because you want to** , not because he was your “backup plan.” Think of all the girls (and guys) who end up marrying their backup plans, and rotting in a hell of their own making. You’re in a far better position than they are, even right now. ---
**Author:** ![sishoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@sishoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sishoch)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/49 "2006-09-26T14:48:50Z")
I was dumped on New Year’s Day About the middle of January, I signed up for a marathon in June. I’d never run a marathon before but I knew that I was going to have some free time for a while. Training kept me busy until… Marathon day, June 5, 2005, Rock n’ Roll San Diego. It was my birthday, biggest party I ever had. Finished in 4:00:23 (just couldn’t break 4 hours, dang it!) Still not dating by the Fourth of July, when my brother brought one of his empoyees to the family picnic. We were married on May 21 of this year. Just never know what life has in store… ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/50 "2006-09-26T15:10:22Z")
[QUOTE=Grossbottom] I get in my car, pop in the Everclear and drive around the city bellowing “Santa Monica” at the top of my lungs. [/QUOTE] I get into my apartment, pop in the Bombay Sapphire and fly around my condo bellowing The Wall or The Promise Ring or “Messages” by OMD at the top of my lungs. But it doesn’t work. All my broken hearts are festering and making me irretrievably bitter. “Backup”? What’s a backup? If I found an actual love, that would work, but it hasn’t happened yet… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/51 "2006-09-26T16:04:23Z")
[QUOTE=Ludovic] “Backup”? What’s a backup? If I found an actual love, that would work, but it hasn’t happened yet… [/QUOTE] Exactly! This whole backup plan thing has me confused. Why on earth would anyone have someone in the wings, just in case? Jeezo, Pete - talk about selling yourself short. However, when I’m 87, and single, sitting in my rocker with my shotgun and old crusty dog, maybe I’ll be wishing I had a backup plan… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/52 "2006-09-26T16:13:25Z")
C’mon woman! Some guy you liked turned out to be uninterested. That’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear it. But aren’t you still a whole, healthy, self-contained organism capable of finding everything you need live and thrive? You are entitled to your few moments of sadness, but how do you get over it? You simply live. Get on with it. Are you really going to let some outsider, who didn’t appreciate you enough to begin with, deprive you of happiness? He shouldn’t have that power over you. He doesn’t have the right. I’m sorry, but there is no trick to it. You just need to decide to dust yourself off and get back in the race. You can do it tomorrow, or you can do it next week. Time makes it easier, but once you have wasted time, you can never have it back. I dunno… some have opined that I don’t really have heart, and shouldn’t give such advice. I disagree. I have one. It even works. I just don’t let anything get to me for very long. And even when something does get to me, I don’t let it show. I know, it sounds like a deodorant commercial, but it works for me. Backup plan?! How much would it suck to be someone’s backup? No thanks. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/53 "2006-09-26T16:32:49Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] C’mon woman! Some guy you liked turned out to be uninterested. That’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear it. But aren’t you still a whole, healthy, self-contained organism capable of finding everything you need live and thrive? You are entitled to your few moments of sadness, but how do you get over it? You simply live. Get on with it. Are you really going to let some outsider, who didn’t appreciate you enough to begin with, deprive you of happiness? He shouldn’t have that power over you. He doesn’t have the right. [/quote] Heh - Are you going to start singing Gloria Gainer next, 'cus that would be super cool. FWIW - I totally agree with you. I never get het up about men so I’m really wigging out about the fact that I’m feeling all mopy about this one. I think perhaps I’m transfering all the stress from the rest of my life onto this one thing and making it a much bigger deal than it should be. Be that as it may, I still feel crappy. Again, though - I really do think I have an ulcer and maybe I’m interpreting the upset stomach, and nausia, and burning insides as heartbreak when, in fact, all I need is some Pepcid AC. DAMNIT! I hate this. ☹ :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/54 "2006-09-26T16:39:55Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] most of my clothes are falling off [/QUOTE] Well, _hi!_ ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/55 "2006-09-26T16:44:11Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Well, _hi!_ [/QUOTE] Heh - I was with my friend walking though the mall wearing my Seven for all Mankind jeans which I refuse to get rid of because they were $270. I started running with her stroller (containing her son) and my jeans actually _fell right off_. It didn’t help that I was wearing silky underwear, but DUH-AM, that was NOT what I wanted at that particular moment in time. I managed to catch them before they actually hit the ground, but barely. So, I’ve had to go and buy a new pair of jeans. grrrrrr. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/56 "2006-09-26T16:50:06Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > However, when I’m 87, and single, sitting in my rocker with my shotgun and old crusty dog, maybe I’ll be wishing I had a backup plan… Wait… you mean that a shotgun and rocking chair doesn’t count as a back up plan? Shoot. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/57 "2006-09-26T16:53:24Z")
[QUOTE=Alistair McCello] Wait… you mean that a shotgun and rocking chair doesn’t count as a back up plan? Shoot. [/QUOTE] Humm - perhaps I need to widen my scope to include this… ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/58 "2006-09-26T17:02:02Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] How about some REALLY creative ideas? [/QUOTE] Well, this is _not_ creative at all, but, since it hasn’t been mentioned… How about taking out a personal ad? A lot of the online options are free, up to a point. Not necessarily to try to _find_ someone, but just to put together your “_Relationship Resumé_.” See how great a catch you really are. And, if guys write to you saying, “WOW! can I date you?” you can shoot them down. Now _that_ will make you feel better! ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/59 "2006-09-26T17:12:56Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Heh - Are you going to start singing Gloria Gainer next, 'cus that would be super cool. [/QUOTE] Like a Farley Brothers sing along montage? Yeah, that would cool… in creepy, campy, sorta way. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101/60 "2006-09-26T17:49:24Z")
[QUOTE=SiXSwordS] See how great a catch you really are. ! [/QUOTE] See, I already think that I’m a great catch - it just seems that no one else agrees. Maybe that’s part of the problem…😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-mend-a-broken-heart/374101.md?page=4)