# How do you stop looking scary to people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2014, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759 "2014-11-16T11:44:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/41 "2014-11-16T23:36:29Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Seriously. I know a few guys about that size and if any of them threatened to “fuck my corpse” I think I’d laugh so hard the sound waves would knock them over. Yeah, I’d actually be concerned about eating disorders with those kind of numbers. Tell me **Grude** , when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you see a ‘fat- **Grude** ’ looking back at you? Possibly mocking you? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/42 "2014-11-17T00:14:31Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I’m not sure if it is a good or bad thing in balance, it probably does a lot of good based on the area I live in. > > But yea a large cross section of people report me as scary, even though I am so polite and well mannered. A few see through to the feral intelligent caveman beneath that won’t take no shit from anyone, but I hide it as best I can. > > I imitate normal human reactions as closely as possible, and this puts people off saying no one is that polite and calm.😕 > > Occasionally I get a chance to drop the human mask, like when a homeless guy got up in my grill telling me if I didn’t give him so and so he would kill me. I immediately dropped the mask and rose slowly to face him stared him in the eyes about an inch away that what made him think I care. STARE…go ahead and try and when I kill you, i’ll fuck your corpse gently. STARE. > > Dude broke eye contact and went away L O L > Anyway there is something very intelligent but feral and violent when threatened inside me, my wife hates it and I don’t particularly like it. How to fake being non-threatening. I would say…make efforts to stop doing or looking like most of what this paragraph describes. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/43 "2014-11-17T00:19:04Z")
After reading all of the OP’s posts, im convinced that the term “scary” is being used to mean the exact opposite of what he thinks it means. “He’s ain’t gonna fight, he a scary boy.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/44 "2014-11-17T00:57:47Z")
> [@grude](#): > > [snip]… A few see through to the feral intelligent caveman beneath that won’t take no shit from anyone, but I hide it as best I can. > > I imitate normal human reactions as closely as possible, and this puts people off saying no one is that polite and calm.😕 > > Occasionally I get a chance to drop the human mask, like when a homeless guy got up in my grill telling me if I didn’t give him so and so he would kill me. I immediately dropped the mask and rose slowly to face him stared him in the eyes about an inch away that what made him think I care. STARE…go ahead and try and when I kill you, i’ll fuck your corpse gently. STARE. > > Dude broke eye contact and went away L O L > Anyway there is something very intelligent but feral and violent when threatened inside me, my wife hates it and I don’t particularly like it. How to fake being non-threatening. Maybe because you are scary as hell and are doing a shit job hiding it. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/45 "2014-11-17T01:50:02Z")
I would say, the reason people think you are scary is because (wait for it) you ARE scary. I’m scared of you and you don’t even know where I live. I hope. I was going to say, try wearing pink bunny ears, but after reading your responses, I’m pretty sure those would just make you scarier. Thing is, it doesn’t sound like you want to BE less scary, you just want people to not see who you are. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/46 "2014-11-17T02:50:05Z")
I’m not trying to stick up for our OP here, but size can be deceiving. The guy I used to use as a personal trainer was 5’9", 140 lbs., and looked scrawny in street clothes. Just about my twin, but 20 years younger. The difference between us was he could deadlift 450, squat 400, and bench 290. And was a serious \*krav maga \*disciple. And had been a PBR bull fighter in the early days. Grew up on a farm & was captain of his college rodeo team 3 of 4 years. He was not large or imposing looking. But he was hell for determined. And he could kick ass like nobody I’ve ever seen. I’m not saying our OP is like my trainer. But I am saying I learned a new calibration for just how much strength and how much fierce could fit in a small package. The OP \*may \*have the attitude but apparently not the oomph to back it up. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/47 "2014-11-17T03:01:20Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > 6’4"+ > North of 350# > Wearing biker disguise? > Wearing pilot disguise? > Wearing a swim suit? > When I’m happy? > When I’m sad? > When I’m mad? > In combat? > You are messing with family? > Trust more dogs than people? > When others are behaving badly? > If I just had sex? > Just heard a good joke? > Ate a bacon sandwich? > Motorcycle started first kick? Okay, I’m picturing you on a freshly-started motorcycle, wearing a leather biker vest, World War I flight goggles, and flowered swim trunks, with your dog by your side, a bacon sandwich in one hand, a watergun in the other, laughing at a joke, and having a post-coital cigarette. No offense, dude, but that doesn’t really sound very scary. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/48 "2014-11-17T03:49:00Z")
People sometimes are freaked out because my eyes don’t focus on one place. If I try very hard I can do it; if it’s a job interview or a date, I can usually manage. But it’s hard, and when I don’t do it some folks find it creepy. I don’t blame them, but I physically can’t keep eye contact for an extended period of time. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/49 "2014-11-17T04:04:16Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Yeah, the street face and accompanying body language discourages most panhandlers, chatty people on airplanes, and small children. Hee. This reminds me of my favorite panhandler story. Generally I stare and make no reaction to panhandlers, just keep moving. But when I was in DC I worked for a homeless social services agency so I was a little looser about it since you got a feel for some of the guys. “Can I ask you something?” “As long as it doesn’t have to do with money.” “Will you make love to me?” “Ha – nah!” “Why not, I don’t have AIDS.” “Nah…” “OK…then can I have a quarter?” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/50 "2014-11-17T04:05:28Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > People sometimes are freaked out because my eyes don’t focus on one place. If I try very hard I can do it; if it’s a job interview or a date, I can usually manage. But it’s hard, and when I don’t do it some folks find it creepy. I don’t blame them, but I physically can’t keep eye contact for an extended period of time. This is a tough one too. I try to concentrate on what someone is saying, but meanwhile I’m thinking, make eye contact, make eye contact,…whoa, but not too much eye contact! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/51 "2014-11-17T05:11:51Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I’m not trying to stick up for our OP here, but size can be deceiving. > > The guy I used to use as a personal trainer was 5’9", 140 lbs., and looked scrawny in street clothes. Just about my twin, but 20 years younger. > > The difference between us was he could deadlift 450, squat 400, and bench 290. And was a serious \*krav maga \*disciple. And had been a PBR bull fighter in the early days. Grew up on a farm & was captain of his college rodeo team 3 of 4 years. > > He was not large or imposing looking. But he was hell for determined. And he could kick ass like nobody I’ve ever seen. > > I’m not saying our OP is like my trainer. But I am saying I learned a new calibration for just how much strength and how much fierce could fit in a small package. The OP \*may \*have the attitude but apparently not the oomph to back it up. Ok but 5’10" and 120 is fucking _skinny._ I used to date a girl who was quite tall at 5’11. At her lowest (and unhealthiest imo) weight she was 127 lbs. And she honestly looked so thin she looked ill. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/52 "2014-11-17T05:59:15Z")
If the OP is as skinny as he claims, he probably looks like Skeletor. Skeletor is one scary dude. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/53 "2014-11-17T06:03:19Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I’m 5’10" in heels, 120lbs is being generous. How \*you \*doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/54 "2014-11-17T06:15:56Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > If the OP is as skinny as he claims, he probably looks like Skeletor. Skeletor is one scary dude. LOL. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/55 "2014-11-17T06:56:04Z")
I once walked into a hotel looking for a weekly rental wearing blue jeans with blue jeans jacket and I had long hair at the time. The desk clerk, attired in a pinstripe suit, made it clear to me that they would run a background check and didn’t allow any funny stuff. That same year, after moving out of an apartment, I wanted to stay in the local youth hostel one night, and the preppy desk clerk asked me to get a hotel. And again that same year, I was thrown in jail for 48 hours on a DUI charge that was later dropped because my blood test was clean, and a prison guard said he didn’t want any funny stuff. I’ve had short hair since, and haven’t had any more of these encounters. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/56 "2014-11-17T12:48:04Z")
Self absorption + sneak bragging, about what a dangerous guy you could be. Doesn’t paint an attractive picture of anyone. From someone 5’8" / 120lbs, it’s kind of laughable too. I think you have revealed more about yourself than you intended here. And it’s not becoming, as you can see from the responses, I think. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/57 "2014-11-17T15:10:20Z")
Ah, another **grude** thread that delivers. Good show! ETA: With a bonus **Gus** sighting too. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/58 "2014-11-17T16:12:14Z")
I used to have long hair and a big bushy beard after finishing college. I had a few ladies either leave the elevator or not get on when the door opened. I knew then it was time for a visit to the barbershop. A bushy beard (think Duck Dynasty) is scary on me. I started wearing it closely clipped and trimmed after getting my first professional job. I reluctantly shaved it off after the grey appeared. A salt & pepper beard adds 15 years to a guy’s face. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/59 "2014-11-17T16:32:31Z")
Uh what a mess of an OP, remember kids do not dope while drinking! Let me try again while sober and explain better. One of the first jobs I had was in a small business that sold and serviced various business machines and set up networks and PBX systems for businesses. At the time I let my natural personality shine through which was basically Mr.Spock or think the main character on the show Bones. This went over not so well, reactions ranged from weirdo to scary from others, even though there was a woman who worked there that would stomp around yelling and threatening co-workers in a hysterical manner if anyone dared buy the last can of “her” soda from the machine or moved her favorite chair etc I was the weird one 😛 So I made a conscious decision to better imitate normal facial expressions and body language, do chit chat, be more polite and less direct and to the point, all that good stuff and basically act less like a space alien(this is what I call my human mask heh). It worked a lot better and I got along with people a lot better. But now I find quite a few people respond negatively even to that, saying I’m too calm and nice which I guess makes me scary. People I’ve never had a bad word with. Hah the story about the homeless guy saying he was gonna murder me, he wasn’t the first homeless guy to think if he gets up in my face and threatens me he will get what he wants. So I was like well people say I’m scary, let me out crazy this dude so I made up the creepiest sounding shit I could think of and said it in a calm voice heh. People say they probably think I was a tourist and would be freaked out. Yea but I’m not a angry or violent person, I’ve never even started a fight or an argument really. Wen I describe myself as a intelligent feral caveman at heart I mean I often can’t take people’s or societies bullshit and often feel to run off into the woods. But I’m also not going to take bullshit from people like threats. One specific person who called me scary was my wife’s friend, I have met her like three times once she was at our wedding and then me and my wife ran into her and then we went on a couples trip to an island she organized to make money. Always was nice and pleasant, had no problem with her, my wife was always with me and she couldn’t figure it out. But she once said she saw me, my wife said you should have said hi to him and said no way your husband is scary he is so nice he reminds me of Hannibal Lector(yea she is the source of the Lector comparison). She saw me in a mall, I was like was I gonna eat her liver right there? I mean come on where can I find fava beans! And anyway Lector was never nice that I remember. If anyone was wondering what I meant about the Jamaican knife fighter thing, I’ve seen several men with multiple bad cut scars on their faces and sometimes hands/arms and all had Jamaican accents. And you can tell people find that intimidating, once I was talking to a guy with them and asked him how it happened and he said as a teen he was in knife fights in Jamaica. That really kind of sucks because you can be 40 and wearing a suit and forever you’re going to look scary to people. Anyway I sometimes think the fact people find me weird or scary holds me back. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/60 "2014-11-17T16:42:37Z")
I learned long ago in high school to keep my thoughts pure when around people. I might be furious with a guy that called a girl I liked. If I’m thinking about throwing him to the ground and stomping his butt that negative energy gets picked up by everybody near me. I’ve seen it happen even when I was smiling. People start glancing at me and act nervous. No matter what, I’ve learned to keep positive happy thoughts when around people and that works much better. I feel better too. Carrying anger around in my head is draining. I didn’t fully get control of my temper until I played sports. It’s odd how people sense stuff. But they absolutely can. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759.md?page=4)