# How do you stop looking scary to people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2014, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759 "2014-11-16T11:44:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/61 "2014-11-17T17:08:44Z")
You’re not sneak bragging? You sure Dr Spock? Or is it Dr Bones? And then it’s all just because you’re TOO nice as well? Huh. At the same time you’re not violent, no, no…but you won’t take shit! (Insert tough guy incident, NOT sneak bragging, no, no!) And you never started a fight or an argument, “REALLY”. This seems unlikely in the extreme. But the qualifying ‘really’ at the end really sells it! Being creeped out by someone’s obvious inauthenticity, isn’t the same as scaring and intimidating people. But I’m sure you knew that! Whenever you get to a point in life where you think you ‘know’ what other people are thinking, you’re really just allowing self absorption to cloud your vision. Which keeps you from seeing it’s entirely your projection! Because 99.9 % of the time nobody is thinking about you at all, they are thinking about their own shit. Always. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/62 "2014-11-17T19:48:44Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Is that you? Is what me? > [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Carry a Teddy Bear? > Choose light-colored clothing? That’s the answer to everything. Want to stop looking too scary walking down the street? Carry a teddy bear. Want to make new friends? Carry a teddy bear. Want your lady to stop cheating on you? Carry a teddy bear. Want to poop more often? Carry a teddy bear. ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/63 "2014-11-17T23:44:31Z")
A pink lunchbox and a hello kitty balloon? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/64 "2014-11-18T01:21:59Z")
What I think you are having trouble with is what people mean by terms like “weird” and “scary” and such in this sort of context. You are thinking in terms of Hannibal Lecter (almost certainly the Anthony Hopkins portrayals), Mr. Spock, and various other “different, dangerous, rather emotionless, yet just so very, very cool” characters. You should be thinking more in terms like “creepy” or “repulsive.” Think of the disgusted loathing a centipede or a slug inspires in most people, especially when encountered unexpectedly. That is what they mean. Once you recognize that, it’ll be easier to let go of this vivid fantasy you’ve built up to avoid dealing with simple social awkwardness. The simplest way to deal with the awkwardness is to study etiquette from sources like Miss Manners who emphasize its function as a social lubricant. Avoid using etiquette as another way to feel different, yet superior, or you will just have switched one wankfest for another. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/65 "2014-11-18T11:52:27Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > You’re not sneak bragging? You sure Dr Spock? Or is it Dr Bones? And then it’s all just because you’re TOO nice as well? Huh. > > At the same time you’re not violent, no, no…but you won’t take shit! > > (Insert tough guy incident, NOT sneak bragging, no, no!) > > And you never started a fight or an argument, “REALLY”. This seems unlikely in the extreme. But the qualifying ‘really’ at the end really sells it! > > Being creeped out by someone’s obvious inauthenticity, isn’t the same as scaring and intimidating people. But I’m sure you knew that! > > Whenever you get to a point in life where you think you ‘know’ what other people are thinking, you’re really just allowing self absorption to cloud your vision. Which keeps you from seeing it’s entirely your projection! Because 99.9 % of the time nobody is thinking about you at all, they are thinking about their own shit. Always. Look I am using pop culture terms because that is what most people understand, right? I’ve never started a bar fight, and I desire to be in no bar fight. But I’m also not going to roll over for someone that says give me X or I’m going to murder you. Would you capitulate to someone who while you were enjoying a smoke on a break in public park came up to you and invaded your personal space and said “give me X and X or I’ll murder you”? It is an honest question. I’m betting you wouldn’t, and no one should, that doesn’t make you a psycho. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/66 "2014-11-18T12:46:35Z")
Did you watch the Bitchy Resting Face vid? Maybe there is nothing you can do. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/3v98CPXNiSk/maxresdefault.jpg "ORIGINAL VIDEO - Bitchy Resting Face") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk) ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/67 "2014-11-18T13:00:07Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Would you capitulate to someone who while you were enjoying a smoke on a break in public park came up to you and invaded your personal space and said “give me X and X or I’ll murder you”? It is an honest question. I wouldn’t capitulate, but neither would I come to a public message board and brag about how I out-crazied a hobo. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/68 "2014-11-18T17:18:01Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Would you capitulate to someone who while you were enjoying a smoke on a break in public park came up to you and invaded your personal space and said “give me X and X or I’ll murder you”? It is an honest question. > > I’m betting you wouldn’t, and no one should, that doesn’t make you a psycho. I think I would probably capitulate, if I judged the prospect of violent murder as likely - he can have £15 and my crappy Blackberry if it’s that important. As for slightly-built men being threatening - I think they can be, if they come across as a desperate malnourished smack-head. I reckon I can distinguish these from pretenders modelling themselves on film villains, spouting pseudo-psycho claptrap though. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/69 "2014-11-18T19:40:36Z")
It’s a personality thing. You can be the best looking person in the world but still have people shun you if you don’t act socially acceptable. In my case, I can’t go up to people and make small talk. I envy those who can. I once met the mayor of a small town, and could see how he got elected. He paid attention to everything anyone said, and made them feel important. He’d ask them about their backgrounds and make comments that made them look good. He wasn’t particularly handsome, but he smiled and kept a bright expression that made you glad to be in his company. I can’t do that. I usually brood and try to avoid people that might annoy me. It doesn’t make any good impressions, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/70 "2014-11-20T09:35:29Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I’m 5’10" in heels, 120lbs is being generous. Shaved head because I couldn’t deal with hair care without a water heater, so I used my shaver to shave it. No facial scars(I have seen some Jamaican knife fighters with obvious facial scars) and no facial hair. > > Mostly dress in t shirt and blue jeans, or other casual wear. Also have dress shirts for office wear. > > I have never, ever, ever used intimidation to get something. Unless someone else threatens me first then I drop all the civilization shit and do what I need to. Is that you Mr White? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759/71 "2014-11-20T14:13:06Z")
> [@campp](#): > > I used to get that reaction when I worked. Usually it was people that are at least 20 years younger than I am. They thought I was scowling or trying to look tough, when in fact I was merely thinking. 😕 I came in to say pretty much this. I can by physically imposing, but I learned also that my default expression seems to be a furrowed brow. I have learned to make a conscious effort to raise my eyebrows a bit. It feel unnatural, but apparently it looks ‘normal’ and inviting to other humans. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-stop-looking-scary-to-people/704759.md?page=3)