# How do you view your fellow posters on the SDMB? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003 "2013-01-22T14:07:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/101 "2013-01-24T02:34:14Z")
> [@XT](#): > > No, but you learn a bit about how they think, which to me is a deeper understanding that some RL friendships. I know the stances of a lot of 'dopers on various subjects, and to me it’s fascinating to see how in one thread 'dopers can be vehemently opposed but in another they are shoulder to shoulder in agreement and reinforcement of their positions…often against a poster that was with one of them in a different discussion. Snipped. Yes, you are so right about this. I find this fascinating, also. One of my favorite things about the dope. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/102 "2013-01-24T03:04:17Z")
I feel that social media interaction is but a new and expanded way of interacting with people, _real_ people. Just as in all forms of social interactions before it, cyber communication is fraught with the pitfalls of human emotion. Some will enter into those interactions dishonestly and some will leave themselves vulnerable to emotional hurt/manipulation. The basic elements here are no different, it’s just, with the advent of the internet, the vehicle by which these interactions are delivered that is new. So with all these new ways and opportunities for people to affect the nature of their interactions, it’s no surprise that we see so much of the “games” going on that we do. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/103 "2013-01-24T03:57:49Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > … Using terms like ‘fantasy land’ and ‘role play’ sounds all very cute, but truth be told, it is EXACTLY that for TONS of people on message boards, and if you turn a blind eye to that, you are kidding yourself… > > … I DEFINITELY am different on this forum with my internet buddies than I am in real life. For one thing, I SPEAK totally different than I do with my real life buds… > > … Can I be frank with you, Dseid? It seems as if you want to be the arbiter of what is acceptable posting and what is not. You want to be able to crack jokes yourself in the pit, so you make rules that the jokes must be ‘clever’ to knock down ‘arrogance’ in other posters. Guess what? Most posters who you direct your clever jokes at aren’t going to find them so clever. And you aren’t going to find jokes directed at you so clever… Lots snipped but much to respond to. Yes many boards are completely fantasy lands. My understanding is that this place is not supposed to be one. When someone presents themselves as say a quad and aint we get annoyed. Or some of us do. If someone claimed to be an investment banker giving that perspective and was not, we’d be irritated. Beyond that even with an avatar real personalities opinions and values are expressed. Me? Anyone who wanted to could easily find the real me from my user name and details I have posted and anyone who knows me in real life would recognize me here. I am me. Wordier perhaps … Of course we speak and behave differently in different areas of social interactions. It is fine for my kids to swear at their friends but not at me or their teachers. I act differently in my role as Dad than my role as physician than my role as poker chum than my role as teacher of residents than my role as MB poster. Is any less or more the real me? Are any of them masks? Don’t be stupid, of course not. Is you expressing yourself articulately in clear standard English rather than ghetto slang with “nigga” peppered all over the place not really you? Only the other one is the real you? I don’t buy that either. They are different aspects of you, different ways to present you, but each a real you. Arbiter? Nah. But one with opinions that I am not shy about expressing. And you’ve rarely seen me get pissed at an insult aimed at me. Call me a cunt or a fucker, a shithead or a prick, and I don’t care. Kike and I’ll report but not get angry. A liar might get me a bit mad. Usually I’ll just make fun of any attempted insult. But _hateful_ speech aimed at others is another story. And I will at least mock the person doing it. Maybe this is my issue from childhood, but I hate bullying and will not sit idly by when I perceive it is occurring. My skin is thick, trust me, but that playground kid is never too far away. I’ve had a clever joke? News to me. Mostly my attempts at humor fall flat and at most garner wan smiles. Once one of kids’ friends got into the car and said “Joey, your dad is funny.” To which Joseph replied without missing a beat “Not once you get to know him.” Seriously I read in amazement and admiration some of the quick-witted replies and insults I read here. But calling someone retarded does not rank up there with the best of them. “One two three four. A lot of Jews died here” in German as a riff was something I failed to see as “funny” - neither was it worth reporting. Just shaking my head … My jokes often are not funny or clever but they are never hateful. I reserve the right to tell people when they are being jerks in the Pit and the irony of those who think that their being told they are jerks there is out of line because it is the Pit strikes me as ironic. Who has the thin skin? “Oh you are going to call me a jerk. Then you shouldn’t play here because this is where we call people names. Wah!” > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think you’re getting hung up on the fact that the Dope (and other online fora) have different rules of social interaction, and you are equating different with “fake”. … Message boards and the Internet are just a part of real life. There’s different rules, but there’s also different rules for church and for a bar. That doesn’t make church real and the bar fake. I can joke around with my friends at the bar differently than I can speak to my grandma at church, but I still take their feelings into consideration and I back off if I sense that someone’s feelings are really getting hurt. Different context, different rules, but all real people interacting in real ways. I don’t see the Internet as significantly different from that. The rules are just different on here. Exactly right. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Whatever, man. Nobody is saying they like to bully people online because everyone on the internet is fake. You’re reading things that way because, well, I don’t know why. Apparently you got your feelings hurt in the Pit or something. I don’t know, whatever. … Again no. My feelings have not been hurt and it is hard to hurt my feelings. Not because I am so tough but because I am too dense to realize when I’ve been insulted half the time. Truth be told there are few people in this world who mean enough to me to be able to hurt my feelings at this point: my wife and my children. Even my siblings are not at that level right now. I am reading things “that way” because that is the behavior I see from some, people acting like, to use your phrase, douches, and then getting huffy when called out on it. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I feel that social media interaction is but a new and expanded way of interacting with people, _real_ people. Just as in all forms of social interactions before it, cyber communication is fraught with the pitfalls of human emotion. Some will enter into those interactions dishonestly and some will leave themselves vulnerable to emotional hurt/manipulation. The basic elements here are no different, it’s just, with the advent of the internet, the vehicle by which these interactions are delivered that is new. So with all these new ways and opportunities for people to affect the nature of their interactions, it’s no surprise that we see so much of the “games” going on that we do. Well said Ambi. (Who I believe is a real person and who I like.) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/104 "2013-01-24T05:27:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I feel that social media interaction is but a new and expanded way of interacting with people, _real_ people. Just as in all forms of social interactions before it, cyber communication is fraught with the pitfalls of human emotion. Some will enter into those interactions dishonestly and some will leave themselves vulnerable to emotional hurt/manipulation. The basic elements here are no different, it’s just, with the advent of the internet, the vehicle by which these interactions are delivered that is new. So with all these new ways and opportunities for people to affect the nature of their interactions, it’s no surprise that we see so much of the “games” going on that we do. > [@DSeid](#): > > Well said Ambi. > > (Who I believe is a real person and who I like.) Right back atcha doc. 😉 But I’ve grown to like many posters here with whom I initially did not get along. As some of you may recall, my entrance to this board was, um, less than flowery. But that is because the aspects of my character that I chose to share with this community were narrow and specific and less than flowery in and of themselves. We choose what and how much of ourselves we share in this community just as we do in every other community or relationship. But _how_ we share our identities and what counts as our “identities” in the first place is changing, and the internet is fueling the ability for this evolution to flourish; for both positive and negative ends. Those who have been here (or anywhere really) posting for a long time-or even not so long-have developed a personality amongst the other posters here. Now sure, they may not actually ever disclose specific personal information or even talk about anything _not_ to do with ‘board matters’, yet aspects of that person’s character are very well known to these other posters. In a way, they know the person in a way that no one in their “real” life can because real life interaction has so many guards/obstacles in place. Even in completely anonymous forums or areas of the internet, where some of the most visceral and hostile language floats around, you are still choosing to share the aspects of who you are with the community you are in. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/105 "2013-01-24T10:56:00Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > \. > Of course we speak and behave differently in different areas of social interactions. It is fine for my kids to swear at their friends but not at me or their teachers. I act differently in my role as Dad than my role as physician than my role as poker chum than my role as teacher of residents than my role as MB poster. Is any less or more the real me? Are any of them masks? Don’t be stupid, of course not. I already explained this, but I’ll do it again. Of course all of those roles are you, but all of those roles overlap. Your role as dad is connected to your role as husband. What you do as a husband is connected to your role as a worker or businessman. If you get divorced, you are a single man at work, if you remarry a 20 year old girl, you are the guy at work who is robbing the cradle. If you beat your kid, you are the guy who everyone in your entire life judges harshly, not just your kid. The internet is not like that. It is internet personality is one thing, all the roles you play in ‘real life’ is another thing. But you all have taught me something in this thread. That is just how I view internet personalities. Most people don’t view it that way. But that’s not important at ALL. The only thing that is important is how we actually post and treat each other. You can view me as a piece of shit in your mind, but if you post to me with respect, then that is what I have to go by. So that makes me feel a lot better. Because I’m confident that I post respectfully to my fellow dopers. > [@](#): > > Who has the thin skin? “Oh you are going to call me a jerk. Then you shouldn’t play here because this is where we call people names. Wah!” Ha! Turns out this has all been a big misunderstanding! I honestly thought posters like you and colander had hurt feelings about the mockery in the Pit thread! I honestly thought I should give some thought to how I post in the Pit because I thought hurt feelings were all up in there. I was a bit salty, thinking, man, I gotta spoil my fun to keep from hurting feelings? Why can’t they just choose to not visit the rough parts of the internet?" But what you have posted here lets me know I have gotten it all wrong. You don’t have a problem with how I posted in that thread at all! Because all I did was crack dumb jokes, and that sort of thing doesn’t bother you at all. I certainly didn’t call anyone asshole or cunt or even speak in anger to the OP even once. So you actually didn’t have a problem with me in that thread. At worst, you think I’m a jerk in the pit, but I’m ok with that. So I can post as I have been without worrying about feelings. Because who am I kidding, like Brynda said, isn’t that what I really want? To be able to cut a fool in the pit without feeling bad about it? I mock as much as I like in the pit, and I assure you I won’t be thin skinned if you think I’m an asshole for doing so…win win! So, to sum up what I’ve learned from this thread, I don’t view my fellow posters the same way they view each other or me. My view seems to be a bit different than most. But, the way I view my fellow posters doesn’t really matter…that’s all in my own thoughts; what matters is how I TREAT my fellow posters, and I like to think I treat them respectfully, (heh, assuming I’m not laughing at them.) If I am going hard in the pit, cracking dumb jokes, people aren’t likely getting their feelings hurt, they more likely just think I’m a jerk. Which is ok with me. And one more thing I learned, after thinking about it a while…I may see ‘Nzinga, Seated’ as just the ‘internet me’, but it is the \*\*real \*\*\*\*life \*\*me that makes the initial decision to come back to the dope, day after day as N,S, to interact and learn from and laugh with my fellow dopers. So maybe a lot of you are right and some of my internet friends are more real to me than I first stated. Great responses to this thread, guys, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/106 "2013-01-24T15:15:00Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > And one more thing I learned, after thinking about it a while…I may see ‘Nzinga, Seated’ as just the ‘internet me’, but it is the \*\*real \*\*\*\*life \*\*me that makes the initial decision to come back to the dope, day after day as N,S, to interact and learn from and laugh with my fellow dopers. So maybe a lot of you are right and some of my internet friends are more real to me than I first stated. Great responses to this thread, guys, thanks. This font right here, man. Right on. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/107 "2013-01-24T16:59:09Z")
IRL, laughing at someone can be fun and show solidarity. It can also hurt people’s feelings. As long as you are at peace with knowing that sometimes it is going to hurt someone’s feelings and that person might call you out on it, we’re all good. Because just like you have the right to laugh and call me too sensitive, I have the right to say it hurt my feelings and I think it is immature. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/108 "2013-01-24T17:02:33Z")
All right, D, you can keep insisting people think however you want. I’m done here, and am going to continue reading these here pixels in other threads because I think it’s fun. Sometimes the pixels form into words that I find to be incredibly asinine, and sometimes they’re pretty smart and/or make me laugh. The latter is why I come back. Good pixels, the lot of you. Some annoying ones, sure, but there’s no place you can go online or off to get away from annoyances. And if there is, let me know. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/109 "2013-01-24T17:37:55Z")
Oh the vast majority of the SDMB excepting the Pit is mostly free of excessively jerky behaviors and annoyances. (Not completely of course but no where is.) Even the Pit is mostly good fun and good venting. Some people let their inner douche bag hang out there a bit more than I’d think anyone other than a real life jerk would do and given that it is the Pit telling those people they are jerks is okay. It does give me a laugh when those people can’t handle being called jerks. You are welcome! Any time! ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/110 "2013-01-24T17:39:49Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > IRL, laughing at someone can be fun and show solidarity. It can also hurt people’s feelings. As long as you are at peace with knowing that sometimes it is going to hurt someone’s feelings and that person might call you out on it, we’re all good. Because just like you have the right to laugh and call me too sensitive, I have the right to say it hurt my feelings and I think it is immature. Oh, I don’t mind you calling me out on it. We’re good. ETA: Dseid, didn’t you read the posts? We are ok with you calling us jerks, now that we know your feelings aren’t hurt. Go ahead. Go for it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/111 "2013-01-24T19:46:42Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Oh, I don’t mind you calling me out on it. We’re good. > > ETA: Dseid, didn’t you read the posts? We are ok with you calling us jerks, now that we know your feelings aren’t hurt. Go ahead. Go for it. Oh I know you’re cool. MOL? I am not getting the same sense. But that’s fine. I’d be telling her she’s a douche in the Pit when she is whether she’s cool with it or not. It’s just how much I laugh when she complains there of all places of being told off. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/112 "2013-01-24T19:51:54Z")
**Nzinga** , I don’t frequent the Pit _too much_ but I have to say I have never seen you post things that could be construed as offensive, demeaning or hateful. Never. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/113 "2013-01-24T20:24:55Z")
Thanks Ambivalid. I’m not a bad guy. I’m just goofy as hell and a bit childish sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/114 "2013-01-24T21:52:54Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Thanks Ambivalid. I’m not a bad guy. I’m just goofy as hell and a bit childish sometimes. You’re _sneak bragging_, aren’t you, **Nzinga**? ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/115 "2013-01-24T22:33:39Z")
I think of straight dope as a bunch of hot women who will mail me their panties, and cool guys who will get me free hotel rooms and concert tickets. And some haters sprinkled here and there. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2013, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/116 "2013-01-25T02:21:44Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > You’re _sneak bragging_, aren’t you, **Nzinga**? Beat it, Columbo, Ambivalid’s stroking my ego right now. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/117 "2013-01-25T02:59:22Z")
Thass hawt. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/118 "2013-01-25T06:14:12Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Oh I know you’re cool. MOL? I am not getting the same sense. But that’s fine. I’d be telling her she’s a douche in the Pit when she is whether she’s cool with it or not. It’s just how much I laugh when she complains there of all places of being told off. Ha ha, I know I said I was done here, but I just now saw this and it is too hilarious to pass up. You’ve been having this conversation with imaginary people, injecting beliefs into their heads that they do not have and have never expressed. Now your next trick is to claim I had a reaction that I didn’t have to an event that never took place. I never complained about being “told off” in the Pit, primarily because that never happened. I mean, that just straight up never occurred. I mean, LOL, WTF? Unless your version of telling off is getting mad because I was laughing at people, because yeah, that happened. But yeah, their raeg did not change anything about my approach. My posts are my cite. Oh man, that is too funny. But hey, just for the record, even if what took place in your imagination did happen, I wouldn’t care. Prost! ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2013, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/119 "2013-01-25T06:26:35Z")
I have meticulously designed finger puppets for all of you. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2013, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-view-your-fellow-posters-on-the-sdmb/648003/120 "2013-01-25T07:23:59Z")
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