# How do you want your obit to read? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2017, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656 "2017-04-17T19:27:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/1 "2017-04-17T19:27:46Z")
I want mine to be simple and to the point: \*\*\*Alonzo John Blitz passed away again, this time to an erection lasting more than four hours. He was alone at the time. His previous demise was attributed to a massive cardiac infarction when kale was introduced to his all-fat diet. Turns out, it was just a coma. Alerted by the screams, meddling medical ‘professionals’ interrupted the cremation half-way through the process. Friends and family ask that you add your hopes and prayers that this time it’s permanent. Alonzo is survived by the other 7.2 billion human inhabitants of this planet and the feral cat that deigned to be fed by him. In lieu of flowers, please send funny skits under 3 minutes to Saturday Night Live.\*\*\* So, how do you want your obit to read? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/2 "2017-04-17T19:33:57Z")
He aten’t dead yet. ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/3 "2017-04-17T19:46:43Z")
A simple date and time when I reached room temperature will be sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![Chisquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Chisquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chisquirrel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/4 "2017-04-17T19:58:48Z")
Shit happened. He died happy. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/5 "2017-04-17T20:19:00Z")
“_Tomorrow_, **Gatopescado** will float belly-up.” ---
**Author:** ![Emergency911](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/43a26b/32.png) [@Emergency911](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emergency911)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/6 "2017-04-17T21:24:14Z")
I keep saying I need to write something funny and witty, but I haven’t done it yet. No matter what it is, I’d like it to be in Morse code or Klingon or some sort of obscure language. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/7 "2017-04-17T21:54:32Z")
…and then he got better. “Thank you, Jesus!” the late Aquadementia was heard to remark. When you read an obit the one big thing you probably want to know is how did they die, but often that is barely mentioned or left obscure. Instead they focus on one’s life, which is more classy but missing all the gory details. ---
**Author:** ![Majestic\_Lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Majestic\_Lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Majestic_Lee)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/8 "2017-04-17T22:05:22Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > …and then he got better. > “Thank you, Jesus!” the late Aquadementia was heard to remark. > > When you read an obit the one big thing you probably want to know is how did they die, but often that is barely mentioned or left obscure. Instead they focus on one’s life, which is more classy but missing all the gory details. Isn’t that because newspapers usually have the ‘rich and famous’ obits done in advance? (You do occasionally come across instances when they’re published prematurely 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/9 "2017-04-17T22:12:52Z")
“…You just missed him.” ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/10 "2017-04-17T22:32:55Z")
There goes a real sack o’ crap. Indubitably. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/11 "2017-04-18T01:12:26Z")
My funeral I can about; my obit not so much so. One thing I would like, almost need, is several of my more common nicknames included with my actual name. Otherwise most of my amusement park, biker, internet, and horror film friends will never know I’m dead. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/12 "2017-04-18T01:27:42Z")
No obit, funeral, or memorial service for me, thanks. I figure I’ll probably be sent off like the protagonist of this classic “Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend” comic strip. > **[Comic Strip Library - Digital Collection of Classic Comic Strips](http://www.comicstriplibrary.org/display/951)** > > A digital library of classic comic strips, featuring Winsor McCay's Little Nemo and George Herriman's Krazy Kat ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/13 "2017-04-18T01:34:31Z")
He asked to be cremated… even though he was lactose-intolerant. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/14 "2017-04-18T02:26:59Z")
The annoying thing about being an atheist is that you’ll never have the satisfaction of saying to believers, ‘I told you so.’ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/15 "2017-04-18T02:29:59Z")
“World Mourns” ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/16 "2017-04-18T02:37:03Z")
Died in a fit of pique with a wine glass in her hand.Loved by many, hated by those who didn’t get her sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/17 "2017-04-18T02:48:45Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > He asked to be cremated… even though he was lactose-intolerant. Took me a second. I’m going to repeat this at my earliest opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/18 "2017-04-18T03:16:34Z")
“He was fond of feeding bears in the mountains” ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/19 "2017-04-18T03:26:35Z")
Tee ceased. ~ ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2017, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656/20 "2017-04-18T03:53:38Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > Took me a second. I’m going to repeat this at my earliest opportunity. It was actually part of the obit of my best friend from high school. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-want-your-obit-to-read/784656.md?page=2)