# How do you wipe? \[poll\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138 "2014-07-01T21:37:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/21 "2014-07-01T23:43:52Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Where’s the option for “Front to back, back to front, and sideways, using as a starting point the hemorrhoids”? It’s implied that if that is the case that you should _not_ participate in my poll because that’s disgusting. And you’re disgusting. Ew. … I’m kidding, I too have endured the trials and tribulations of hemorrhoids and know your pain all too well. But that’s still gross. Don’t talk about that shit in my thread. (Still kidding. I think. Not kidding about the part about me having had hemorrhoids.) ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/23 "2014-07-02T00:39:26Z")
Serpentine! Serpentine! ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/24 "2014-07-02T02:43:07Z")
And people wonder about my policy of never voting in public polls. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/25 "2014-07-02T02:57:14Z")
> [@standingwave](#): > > Three squares? 😕 Can’t tell if serious. Er…well, yeah. Serious. Only three squares. (Typical supermarket brand double-ply.) Takes about six wipes, so the total is about 18 squares. What a strange conversation to be having! Next: “How many times do you chew your food?” or “Toenails: scissors or clippers?” ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/26 "2014-07-02T03:42:59Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yes. Some of us stand. That’s the only way I’ve ever done it. I was surprised to find out that sitting is more typical. I’m not even entirely sure how one does it while sitting. My surprise is opposite yours. Not only do I sit, but I lean forwards a smidge to get maximum openage. I don’t know how I could do it standing up. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/27 "2014-07-02T03:57:09Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Dang it I thought I made it private. :smack: > > **Mods** can you please make the poll private? Done. The poll about wiping your privates is now private. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/28 "2014-07-02T04:19:12Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > My surprise is opposite yours. > Not only do I sit, but I lean forwards a smidge to get maximum openage. > I don’t know how I could do it standing up. This! If I were to stand, my butt cheeks would squeeze together, and the poo would get smeared around. I’d have to wipe a much larger area. Standing might work in a bathroom that’s big enough for one to take a “wide stance.” My jakes is too small. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/29 "2014-07-02T04:24:35Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Well, as for me, I properly stand. Bent over a bit, yes, but standing, not just a couple inches off the seat. Why? Why in the fuck would you stand? I’m not even sure I want to know the answer. Standing? To wipe your ass? STANDING? ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/30 "2014-07-02T04:30:40Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Done. The poll about wiping your privates is now private. The internet is safe again. I voted. 🙂 Who wipes while standing up? Well, besides **pulykamel** l and a few others. I also want to know why. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/31 "2014-07-02T04:50:57Z")
Bidet. No paper. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/32 "2014-07-02T04:52:01Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Why? Why in the fuck would you stand? > > I’m not even sure I want to know the answer. Standing? To wipe your ass? STANDING? > [@chiroptera](#): > > The internet is safe again. I voted. 🙂 > > Who wipes while standing up? Well, besides **pulykamel** l and a few others. I also want to know why. As a stander, I feel obliged to defend this method. At least the way **I** do it, I don’t stand up all the way, but stand while leaning forward. Just unbending the knees while keeping my back in the same position more or less. That way I have freer access. To be honest I never tried while sitting, but thinking about it today while sitting on the john, it seemed awkward and unnatural to me. I mean, would have to scoot up a lot to make room to reach in there for front to back or shift my junk to the side or something for back to front. And sort of reaching into the toilet with poop in there felt kinda iffy to for me. But the real answer is it’s the way I’ve always done it and only realized well into adulthood that there were alternatives. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/33 "2014-07-02T05:20:10Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > As a stander, I feel obliged to defend this method. > > At least the way **I** do it, I don’t stand up all the way, but stand while leaning forward. Just unbending the knees while keeping my back in the same position more or less. That way I have freer access. > To be honest I never tried while sitting, but thinking about it today while sitting on the john, it seemed awkward and unnatural to me. I mean, would have to scoot up a lot to make room to reach in there for front to back or shift my junk to the side or something for back to front. And sort of reaching into the toilet with poop in there felt kinda iffy to for me. > > But the real answer is it’s the way I’ve always done it and only realized well into adulthood that there were alternatives. Are you fat? Serious question. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/34 "2014-07-02T05:27:37Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Are you fat? Serious question. Nope, 5’8, 160 pounds. A slight gut when I sit, but nothing that would obstruct the… process. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/35 "2014-07-02T05:46:54Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > For the purposes of this poll - > > standing = Buttocks are over an inch above the toilet seat. > > “Hovering” over the toilet with your buttocks less than an inch away from the seat counts as sitting. > > FYI - The inch standard was arbitrarily decided my me, before anyone asks. Huh. For a while (yes, I’ve encountered this sort of discussion before) I suspected that everyone was using different terms for the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/36 "2014-07-02T06:29:26Z")
I’ve noticed a conspicuous absence of calls for photographs. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/37 "2014-07-02T06:32:06Z")
Girls are taught to wipe front to back to avoid, or at least minimise, the chances of urinary tract infection. I used to be a girl, so I still wipe the same way: front to back. ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/38 "2014-07-02T13:39:02Z")
At one time it was Aryans vs. Jews. Now it is Westerner world vs Islamic world One day, it will be sitters vs standers. Mark my words, us true-hearted sitters will destroy those evil, shifty-eyed standers. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/39 "2014-07-02T16:32:27Z")
Is there a gender bias in technique? And the related question I’ve always thought about since Unca Cecil’s original article – are most “wadders” female? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/40 "2014-07-02T17:08:14Z")
I answered ‘front to back, sitting’ in the poll, because that’s the majority of my wipes. But every now and then, when it seems as if there will be no end in sight to the process, I’ll throw in a back to front just to keep things interesting. And always crumpled, never folded. Weirdos. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/41 "2014-07-02T17:14:43Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Is there a gender bias in technique? And the related question I’ve always thought about since Unca Cecil’s original article – are most “wadders” female? Wiping back to front is a big NO for ladies so yes there would be a gender bias. Otherwise you’re essentially smearing feces residue over and into the labia. You may get a difference in opinions if you ask how women wipe their urine away though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138.md?page=3)