# How do you wipe? \[poll\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138 "2014-07-01T21:37:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/42 "2014-07-02T19:03:14Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I’ve noticed a conspicuous absence of calls for photographs. No, with the many diverse algorithms being described here, and with the expressions of disbelief from so many others here (what? you can’t imagine someone wiping their butt in a different way than you?) – this thread needs VIDEOS, people, VIDEOS! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/43 "2014-07-02T19:08:07Z")
> [@GaryM](#): > > Can you spare a square? Or do you have change for a five? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/44 "2014-07-02T19:36:00Z")
I stand up and put one foot on the seat. And I use two squares at a time. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/45 "2014-07-02T20:07:39Z")
OK. I suppose I’d better fess up that my method (while seated, of course!) involves neither front-to-back, nor back-to-front. I just scrunch up the TP and flail away randomly in all directions, yes side-to-side as well. Call me crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/46 "2014-07-02T21:00:13Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > For the purposes of this poll - > > standing = Buttocks are over an inch above the toilet seat. > > “Hovering” over the toilet with your buttocks less than an inch away from the seat counts as sitting. > > FYI - The inch standard was arbitrarily decided my me, before anyone asks. How many “[Tonka fire truck](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17350549&postcount=41)” standard units is that? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/47 "2014-07-02T21:07:12Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > How many “[Tonka fire truck](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17350549&postcount=41)” standard units is that? Hey, cool, you just put the paper on the end of the arm of that thing. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/48 "2014-07-02T21:49:46Z")
I’m reminded of this song from a terlit training video we got for our kids: “Wipe, wipe, wipe yourself Always front to back Carefully, carefully Now you’ve got the knack.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/49 "2014-07-02T21:54:59Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > Girls are taught to wipe front to back to avoid, or at least minimise, the chances of urinary tract infection. > > I used to be a girl, so I still wipe the same way: front to back. I was going to mention this. I doubt any women wipe back to front for this reason. So it might have been useful to include whether you have a vagina or not in the poll. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/50 "2014-07-03T02:51:51Z")
Why no option for enslaving Third World homeless people to do it for you? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/51 "2014-07-03T02:53:36Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I was going to mention this. I doubt any women wipe back to front for this reason. So it might have been useful to include whether you have a vagina or not in the poll. Yes, indeed I do. Although it’s the closeness of the urethra which is the reason women wipe front to back, the vagina not so much. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/52 "2014-07-03T15:31:56Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Why no option for enslaving Third World homeless people to do it for you? 😕 That’s more in the British version??? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2014, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/53 "2014-07-04T02:23:00Z")
When I was in boot camp, we didn’t have doors on the stalls in the barracks. One day, whilst waiting for my turn at a stall, I noticed one of the guys standing up to wipe. I figured his mother wiped him that way when he was a kid and he’d just never learned the grownup way of doing it. I’m not sure if I was more surprised to see him do it, or to learn that there are so many others like him… ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/54 "2014-07-05T01:57:11Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Why no option for enslaving Third World homeless people to do it for you? 😕 Dogs do a better job, and you never run out of … ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/55 "2014-07-05T21:48:05Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > Yes, indeed I do. Although it’s the closeness of the urethra which is the reason women wipe front to back, the vagina not so much. Good point. I guess I should have said “lack a penis.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/56 "2014-07-05T22:09:29Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yes. Some of us stand. That’s the only way I’ve ever done it. I was surprised to find out that sitting is more typical. I’m not even entirely sure how one does it while sitting. > [@pulykamell](#): > > Well, as for me, I properly stand. Bent over a bit, yes, but standing, not just a couple inches off the seat. Agree. It was only a few years ago that I learned some (most?) people sit. I’m still not clear on how one would do that. It did explain, however, why those automatic toilet flushing things always flushed on me before I wiped. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/57 "2014-07-05T22:41:03Z")
OK, I just did the sitting wipe. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. But one thing I didn’t like is that it’s much more natural to just drop the toilet paper in the bowl after the wipe, without looking at it. How does one know when one is done without inspecting the paper? If I had to inspect, I’d probably get some poop on my back or on the toilet seat after inspecting and depositing. I wipe until the paper comes out clean. Well, it’s never perfectly clean, but pretty clean. Stand, wipe, inspect. Repeat until clean. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/58 "2014-07-05T22:50:32Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Er…well, yeah. Serious. Only three squares. (Typical supermarket brand double-ply.) Takes about six wipes, so the total is about 18 squares. LOL, when you first said you used three squares I felt a slight pang of guilt for being so relatively wasteful. But when I saw that you use a total of _~18 squares_ (:eek:) I was relieved to be relieved of any guilt. So, uh, you weren’t actually kidding about the whole “having to scrub the toilet after every poop” thing, were you? (You hereby have permission to poop at my house once a week… just bring your own damned TP supply! :p) > [@](#): > > What a strange conversation to be having! Next: “How many times do you chew your food?” or “Toenails: scissors or clippers?” It’s actually quite in keeping with the mission of this board. Although we’ve had this thread in various forms before, it just now dawned on me that a great unsolved mystery has finally been resolved: _People who somehow manage to smear poop on restroom stall walls are standers!!!_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/59 "2014-07-06T02:03:13Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > How does one know when one is done without inspecting the paper? I think most sitters do “inspect”. > [@](#): > > If I had to inspect, I’d probably get some poop on my back or on the toilet seat after inspecting and depositing. Never happened to me. I guess at this point in proceedings I’m sat fairly far forwards. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/60 "2014-07-06T02:20:47Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > . . . So, uh, you weren’t actually kidding about the whole “having to scrub the toilet after every poop” thing, were you? (You hereby have permission to poop at my house once a week… just bring your own damned TP supply! :p) . . . Grin! Thank’ee most kindly. And, alas, yes. My landlord installed a new toilet a year or two ago…and the internal geometry of the bowl is…unfortunate. Something smears on the sides of the bowl…every damn time…and I have to take the brush to it to persuade it to go down the drain. In a way, though, this is good… I was the sort who didn’t scrub the toiler often enough, and so now, as I’m obliged to, well…at least the bowl is clean! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2014, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138/61 "2014-07-06T11:53:25Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Grin! Thank’ee most kindly. And, alas, yes. My landlord installed a new toilet a year or two ago…and the internal geometry of the bowl is…unfortunate. Something smears on the sides of the bowl…every damn time…and I have to take the brush to it to persuade it to go down the drain. > > In a way, though, this is good… I was the sort who didn’t scrub the toiler often enough, and so now, as I’m obliged to, well…at least the bowl is clean! It could be that the new toilet is one of the “low flow” toilets required by code these days. Lots of people complain about them not being adequate. CA requires that toilets use no more than 1.28 gallons per flush. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-wipe-poll/692138.md?page=4)