# how does a 57 year old single man make friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 19, 2020, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680 "2020-01-19T23:11:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/61 "2020-01-27T02:10:29Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I’m fairly gregarious, and “getting to know people that I see all the time” comes fairly easily to me. If THAT part is hard for you, I think you will just have to spend more time getting yourself out there until others approach you. Or force yourself to approach others. “THAT part” IS hard for many. So it takes extra time… Since retiring, I’ve picked a local coffeeshop, a tavern, and a diner (well, a greasy spoon). And most days I stop by at least one of those. Well, once you sit near a guy ten times, you become a “that guy”. And when “that woman with the laptop and the iPad” needs someone to watch them while she runs to the rest room, you’ll be “that guy” who she feels like she knows enough to ask. There’s a “that guy” who says Good Morning, and another who now includes me when there’s a discussion about teaching, and I’ll probably introduce myself to “that bunch of guys” eventually. Eventually. It’s only been five months. I’m playing the long con; and frankly, enjoying time by myself until I make some friends. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/62 "2020-01-27T02:35:03Z")
Do you have a university near you? Most of them host tons of events that tend to be attended more by faculty and local retirees than students – lectures by visiting scholars, poetry readings, gallery receptions, that sort of thing – and there’s often a reception afterward that gives people a chance to mingle. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/63 "2020-01-28T04:18:24Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > Guys, I failed. There was a meetup this evening for the introverts group, and I couldn’t bring myself to go. I was out the door and trying to lock it - it was sticking like it sometimes does, and that was one roadblock too many. There is something inherently funny about your post and the idea of an Introverts Meetup in general… it reminds me of a Bill Hicks’ bit (which I must’ve linked to 1000 times on the SDMB): **There’s a new party being born: The People Who Hate People Party. People who hate people, come together! “No!” We’re kind of having trouble getting off the boards, you know. Come to our meeting! “Are you gonna be there?” Yeah. “Then I ain’t fucking coming.” But you’re our strongest member! “Fuck you!” That’s what I’m talking about, you asshole. “Fuck off!” Damn, we almost had a meeting going. It’s so hard to get my people together.** ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/64 "2020-01-28T14:30:14Z")
I would add you don’t have to be in your 50s to struggle to figure out how to find friends. When I turned 30, I moved to a new part of town after a breakup and was in a similar situation. I found that what really helped was going to my local bar was a Godsend. I played trivia every week and made a ton of friends. Now if you don’t like to drink, that may be an issue. The other thing that helped me make (a TON) of friends was going to Church - though that may or may not be for you either. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/65 "2020-01-28T18:40:09Z")
> [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](#): > > There is something inherently funny about your post and the idea of an Introverts Meetup in general… it reminds me of a Bill Hicks’ bit (which I must’ve linked to 1000 times on the SDMB): You laugh, but I once tried to join a meetup for people with ADHD. It hit damn near every stereotype that you can think of… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/66 "2020-01-29T04:04:08Z")
Oh, stop it, **Zyada**! Never forget that you are an[official Sexy Hag](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=24458). 🙂 So where did that moldy oldie come from? Well, I thought I’d be nice and offer to meet our OP for a cup of coffee since he’s local…and then I remembered with horror that I had done that once before. Back in 2000. Just as a friendly thing. (I was married at the time anyway.) I had a nice enough time with the fella, but then things went weird and then they got hilarious. What a glorious mess that was. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/67 "2020-01-29T15:38:44Z")
> [@digs](#): > > One thing I keep saying to students is “what do you do when you should be doing something else?..And how can you get paid for it?” > > So lately I’ve been thinking “How can I make friends while doing what I’d normally be doing by myself?” Now, bear with me, I had to bend the logic a bit… but I read a lot of comic books. I happened to be at the local comic shop on a Wednesday (when new 'books come out and those who can afford new issues every week show up). > > What I found out was that these surprisingly-intellectual nerds take off early from work and hang out at the shop. And all I had to do was LISTEN as they critiqued every Star Wars movie or book, most of the Monty Pythons’ solo works, 70s vs 80s Saturday morning television shows, and oddly enough, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry’s obscure projects. > > I guess they need listeners, because now I drop by every Wednesday. Costs me a couple of 50c comics from the budget bin, and a Diet Coke from the dollar store next door. If I decide to get social enough to join some of them for Dive Bar Trivia Night, I’ve got an invitation… Have you ever considered starting a kind of … oh gosh … I don’t know what they are called - but I know there are people who like to meet regularly and discuss books. Usually classic type books. Are these groups called “Book Clubs”? Have you ever considered starting one for comic books? Even better, maybe start one for Marvel Comics and if it goes well then you can start others - one for each publisher or one for each character? I bet you would make some friends you will truly enjoy if you both share that common interest. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Mike\_Mabes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mike_mabes/32/1782_2.png) [@Mike\_Mabes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mike_Mabes)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/68 "2020-01-30T00:42:25Z")
Just joined a Meet Up group that meets in Manhattan 3pm on Sundays - All the Books You Wish You Read. The last 4 meetings were about Infinite Jest, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, Cat’s Cradle and David Copperfield, all of which I’ve read. Sounds promising. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/69 "2020-01-30T02:02:43Z")
Only a week to read a Dickens novel? No prob… (Well, prob. I’m in a book club that meets once a month and half of us don’t get more than halfway through the book…) But damn, I wish I lived closer to The City; I would love that group! ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/70 "2020-01-31T20:37:02Z")
The busiest single man around your age that I know is retired, but does he keep busy!! (he has some appalling family moved back in with him ‘till they get on their feet’ so he’s eager to get out of the house a lot.) So he goes snowmobiling with a snowmobile club, joined the fire department as a volunteer (directing traffic around a blocked off road), has a dog he takes to one of three doggy parks, is on the board of some kind of organization, volunteers at community things like Olden Days festivals, occasionally buys and sells antiques and collectibles at a booth at an empty mall here, volunteers at the concerts in the park here selling popcorn and soda, mans the grill at picnics at an assisted living facility AND calls numbers for bingo games there now and then…he is very sociable and gabby, I don’t know how many true-blue friends he makes, but there’s always something going on. The key word here is ‘volunteers’ and ‘energetic’. The Red Cross loves volunteers and when I worked there in the office, we had a grand old time with our volunteers who told us interesting stories of things they went through when they were young. A WWII veteran held us spellbound with his reminiscing… ---
**Author:** ![MortSahlFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@MortSahlFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MortSahlFan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/71 "2020-01-31T20:48:23Z")
I have no idea… It’s hard finding people on the internet who likes the same things. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/72 "2020-02-01T04:25:12Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > The busiest single man around your age that I know is retired, but does he keep busy!!..The key word here is ‘volunteers’ and ‘energetic’. I don’t want to “keep busy”, I just want to have friends around in case I want to do something. Well, thanks to this thread, I’m experimenting with getting out more. Whoo, boy, did that ever work too well. Now I’m too busy next week. I mentioned to a lady at church that I was retired, annnnd now I’m repairing a ceiling, stocking shelves for their food pantry, and painting two murals (that’ll be fun!). And this morning I stopped by the Retired Dudes Table at the local coffee joint. All I did was say hi and I got talked into a road trip to “see how messy democracy can be”. I’m going along to a diner in Iowa to observe a caucus! ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/73 "2020-02-01T04:27:52Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I don’t want to “keep busy”, I just want to have friends around in case I want to do something. > Well, thanks to this thread, I’m experimenting with getting out more. Whoo, boy, did that ever work too well. Now I’m too busy next week. I mentioned to a lady at church that I was retired, annnnd now I’m repairing a ceiling, stocking shelves for their food pantry, and painting two murals (that’ll be fun!). > > And this morning I stopped by the Retired Dudes Table at the local coffee joint. All I did was say hi and I got talked into a road trip to “see how messy democracy can be”. I’m going along to a diner in Iowa to observe a caucus! Well, pal, if you don’t get OUT THERE AND GET BUSY, ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/74 "2020-02-01T04:45:47Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Well, pal, if you don’t get OUT THERE AND GET BUSY, get your tired old butt out there, no one is going to want a 50-some old man joining the ladies Thursday night book club, or snatch you up from your Meet Up party of one. You can, or can not ‘keep busy’, but if you do something proactive you will have better luck making friends than sitting home waiting for Jove’s thunderbolt to descend from the sky and make your life all better. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/75 "2020-02-01T05:12:07Z")
That was surreal the way you > [@digs](#): > > quoted yourself to finish your sentence. ---
**Author:** ![jerez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c68b51/32.png) [@jerez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerez)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680/76 "2020-02-01T10:32:16Z")
Get busy livin’… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-a-57-year-old-single-man-make-friends/846680.md?page=3)