# How does children of gay couples address their parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 13, 2011, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563 "2011-08-13T10:58:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/1 "2011-08-13T10:58:29Z")
This pops up in a conversation in a group of friends. The circle I hang out with are from conservative Asian background, so we do not know any gay couples personally. We were wondering how children of gay couples address their parents. Do they use “dad” or “mum”, or something less gender-specific? ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/2 "2011-08-13T11:07:23Z")
The one I know calls his parents mum and ma. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/3 "2011-08-13T11:23:06Z")
This varies from family to family, but amongst my lesbian friends I have come across… 1. Both mothers called some different variation of Mum, eg mummy and mam 2. The parents are both called ‘Mummy firstname’, eg Mummy Karen and Mummy Jen. 3. The birth mother is called mum and the other parent is called by her first name (I dislike this intensely, personally, but it’s not my family) ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/4 "2011-08-13T13:29:49Z")
I have friends that are a (male) gay couple. The obviously more masculine has a little girl from a previous relationship, and he has full custody of her. She calls her biological father Daddy, and his partner Daddy (Name). ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/5 "2011-08-13T14:08:12Z")
My friend and her wife use the second convention listed by SanVito. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/6 "2011-08-13T15:11:55Z")
Mommy firstname and Mama firstname, in the case I know best. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/7 "2011-08-13T15:19:03Z")
My sister’s daughters use “Mom (First Name)” for her and “Mother (First Name)” for my SIL. ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/8 "2011-08-13T15:31:03Z")
Another vote here for “Mommy \” and “Mommy \< Other First Name\>”. The kids are now in their teens, so the “Mommy” sometimes gets dropped – especially when referring to them, to other family members. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/9 "2011-08-13T16:23:12Z")
Lord forgive me, but the first thing that popped in to my head was “Bottom Daddy” and “Top Daddy”. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/10 "2011-08-13T16:30:58Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Lord forgive me, but the first thing that popped in to my head was “Bottom Daddy” and “Top Daddy”. 😃 Although this could be problematic if they’re versatile… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/11 "2011-08-14T20:13:17Z")
The ones I’ve met in Spain used the second item listed by **SanVito** , Mamá [firstname] or Papá [Firstname]. But then, that’s also very common for other relatives, my nephews call their grandmas Yaya [Firstname]. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/12 "2011-08-14T21:36:53Z")
My friends have their daughter call one of the Mom and the other is Mumsy. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/13 "2011-08-15T08:48:06Z")
The Girl’s Mom is “Mom” or “Nancy” …Nancy’s GF is just Name. (they’ve only been togehter a few years, so The Girl didn’t grow up with Nancy’s girlfriend as her second mom) My cousin calls his fathers Daddy James and Daddy Stewart. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/14 "2011-08-15T15:07:15Z")
Sounds pretty much like what kids do with two sets of grandparents. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/15 "2011-08-15T15:17:44Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Sounds pretty much like what kids do with two sets of grandparents. Or a mother and stepmother and/or father and stepfather. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/16 "2011-08-15T15:34:17Z")
The only ones I know called their bio dad, dad and his partner by his first name. (kids from a previous marriage). None of my friends have had kids together so that’s the best I can come up with. ---
**Author:** ![sachertorte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sachertorte/32/3727_2.png) [@sachertorte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sachertorte)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/17 "2011-08-15T15:55:51Z")
Isn’t it pretty much the same ‘problem’ as how kids differentiate between their two grandmothers and grandfathers? I don’t have kids, but if we did they would call me daddy in Chinese and my husband daddy in English. That’s what my nephews do for their grandparents and it works out pretty well for all involved. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/18 "2011-08-15T17:15:39Z")
I dated a girl who had two dads. She referred to them by their first names. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/19 "2011-08-15T17:29:55Z")
My sister is mama and her partner is mommy. The kids are still very young so I guess that could change in the future. ---
**Author:** ![GilaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@GilaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GilaB)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-children-of-gay-couples-address-their-parents/592563/20 "2011-08-15T18:57:30Z")
A couple I know use terms for ‘Mom’ in different languages, in their case Mom and Ima (Hebrew.) Ima is Jewish, Mom is Chinese-American.