# How does one become certified to be an 'ancient astronaut theorist'? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045 "2012-06-04T16:00:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/42 "2015-05-29T12:04:32Z")
Yep-those ancient Egyptians had electric lights, airplanes, and batteries. They also had wireless power, because we cannot seem to find any wires. Oh, and they were able to move 20 ton stone blocks-must have had caterpiller tractors. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/43 "2015-05-29T12:40:01Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > What sort of credentials do the “experts” on Ancient Aliens or any of the other UFO, paranormal type shows you see on the History Channel these days, have. > > Do any of them work for legitimate academic institutions, or been published in serious historical publications. Or are they just folks who’ve self-published a few books, and gone too far off the deep end. From [H2’s America Unearthed](http://www.history.com/shows/america-unearthed), the claim is again at least as [indeterminate in origin](http://www.jasoncolavito.com/blog/scott-wolters-apparently-non-existent-degree) as any ancient alien. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/44 "2015-05-29T12:43:42Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > How? > > I don’t know. > > Therefore, ALIENS! I have a good friend, who unfortunately, believes this crap. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/45 "2015-05-29T13:11:42Z")
You’ve all missed the critical element, here. A certified ancient aliens theorist must have “von” in his name. (Not recommended in Germany.) (My very favorite von Daniken claim: there are carvings of skeletons in some cave or another. Without [alien] x-ray machines, how could ancient peoples possibly have known what skeletons looked like?) ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/46 "2015-05-29T13:15:30Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Reminds me of an old “National Lampoon” issue…if ancient astronauts visited the earth, they must have eaten meals here…if they ate meals, they must have left…garbage!😃 I had an idea for a sci fi short story, alien astronauts are investigating a lifeless rock of a planet. Through clues it is revealed to be Earth in the far, far, billions of years past. The aliens conclude there is no life on this rock, and before they take off they empty the ships toilet system because they are low on fuel. 😃 The origin of life on earth! ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/47 "2015-05-29T14:57:10Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I had an idea for a sci fi short story, alien astronauts are investigating a lifeless rock of a planet. Through clues it is revealed to be Earth in the far, far, billions of years past. The aliens conclude there is no life on this rock, and before they take off they empty the ships toilet system because they are low on fuel. > > 😃 The origin of life on earth! Clarke wrote a story wherein the fungal proto-life on Venus was destroyed by infection from the visiting humans’ garbage dump (including cigarette butts). ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/48 "2015-05-29T15:21:26Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I had an idea for a sci fi short story, alien astronauts are investigating a lifeless rock of a planet. Through clues it is revealed to be Earth in the far, far, billions of years past. The aliens conclude there is no life on this rock, and before they take off they empty the ships toilet system because they are low on fuel. > > 😃 The origin of life on earth! There was a Stanislaw Lem history where a couple of alien astronauts where on trial for doing just that, and the human character was brought to court as evidence. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045/49 "2015-05-29T15:22:04Z")
1. Learn the subject; or at least what passes for the subject 2. Attend a lot of conventions and seminars 3. Give entertaining talks on the subject and develop a following 4. Do a couple “talking head” shots for either the History Channel or Discovery. Congratulations! You are now an ancient astronaut theorist. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-become-certified-to-be-an-ancient-astronaut-theorist/624045.md?page=2)