# How does one get picked up by aliens in UFO's? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2014, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306 "2014-07-29T05:04:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Timetrvlr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Timetrvlr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Timetrvlr)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/1 "2014-07-29T05:04:36Z")
I’ve always been interested in the UFO stories; it’s strictly self-interest on my part. I’ve heard a lot about alien abductions over the years, I’ve never studied them, but I can’t help but read those bizarre tabloid accounts while waiting at the checkout stand. As I understand it, it always begins on a dark and lonely road near dusk or early evening. First you see strange lights in the sky and then you see a flying saucer behaving in an other-worldly manner and then--------, that’s all you remember until you wake up hours later, sitting behind the wheel of your car on a dark and lonely road. Years later you are hypnotized and the whole gruesome story comes tumbling out and is factually reported in the Globe with a lurid artist-sketch of big-eyed, naked aliens to dramatize it. I believe the standard procedure is for the aliens to take you aboard their ship, cut you open, perform weird experiments on you, heal all the wounds, then wipe your memory of all of it, and place you gently back in your car before they leave. I also understand that they miraculously heal all of your illnesses and chronic ailments. That’s the part I’m interested in. I suppose the odds of being abducted by aliens in this manner are about a gazillion to one, so I’d like to volunteer. The problem is, how to do it? Do I go out in the Nasca desert and make weird figures five miles long out of painted rocks or what? Any ideas you might have in this regard would be helpful. I’ve decided that if this should ever happen to me, I must be prepared. So, I’m preparing a list of all the minor ailments that I’d like them to attend to. Lets see, there are the arthritic joints, the balding head, the flat feet, the failing memory, the varicose veins, the ingrown toenails------well, this is going to be a pretty long list. When I’m finished, I’ll print it on a big medic-alert bracelet and wear it at all times. I suppose I’ll also have to drive out into the desert at sunset quite a few times before I’m caught. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/2 "2014-07-29T05:19:34Z")
Do a couple of hits of acid and watch _2001_. It’s pretty much the same, without the anal probes. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/3 "2014-07-29T05:26:29Z")
I think an important point is to make sure you don’t have any form of recording device on you. Leave all devices capable of recording sound, vision or location at home. No one with those things ever gets abducted. Or alternatively, make sure you are seriously, seriously crap at using whatever recording devices you do have. Aliens - like ghosts and yetis - will occasionally show themselves and let you film or photograph them, but only if they are quite confident that your film/footage will be far too blurry or otherwise crap to show anything definitive. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/4 "2014-07-29T05:35:47Z")
One thing I don’t get about alien abductions is if the aliens are so much more advanced than we are why are they so bad at wiping memories. A lot of people end up recovering memories in hypnosis. You’d assume a truly advanced species could permanently wipe a memory w/o it being recollected. Of course that is assuming the aliens cared if you remember or not (we humans don’t give a damn if hte animals we experiment on remember the experiments). I’ve never heard of anyone having all their illnesses healed by aliens, and I’ve read a variety of abduction stories. If aliens do abduct us, you’d have to come across as a desirable experiment to work on. How you do that, I don’t know. Probably have some genetic diversity that they are currently lacking. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/5 "2014-07-29T05:55:08Z")
Being a bit of a looney should help. Come to think of it, maybe these greys are actually doing research on schizophrenia and the like among humans so that’s why the sample is so biased. Sometimes an anal probe is just a cigar. ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/6 "2014-07-29T13:45:07Z")
The obligatory [XKCD](http://xkcd.com/1235/) ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/7 "2014-07-29T14:43:50Z")
> [@Timetrvlr](#): > > How does one get picked up by aliens in UFO’s? It always helps draw alien attention if, while waiting at the side of the road, you show a lilttle more tentacle than usual - if you know what I mean… ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/8 "2014-07-29T15:20:37Z")
Build a floor to ceiling model of Devil’s Tower in your kitchen & then drive there, ignoring all gov’t warnings to stay away. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/9 "2014-07-29T18:39:19Z")
In the Sims, buying a telescope and looking at the stars through it gets you abducted by aliens. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-get-picked-up-by-aliens-in-ufos/694306/10 "2014-07-29T19:00:28Z")
You need one of [these](http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Electronic_Thumb).