# How does one recover from Public Humiliation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640 "2004-02-11T12:20:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Starguard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Starguard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starguard)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/1 "2004-02-11T12:20:05Z")
We’ve all done it at least once in our lives! At restaurants, parties, shopping malls,ect. We’ve all managed to either say or do something embarrasingly stupid that made us look like fools in front of the entire world. And I don’t mean little things either, I 'm talking about things that have people for miles around lined up from here to Talahoochie gossiping about it. My question is… How does one recover from it? How does one go about their normal routine when the entire worlds talking about you? I was referred to a book called “How to Recover from Public Humiliation in 10 Easy Steps” that so far I have failed to locate. But if anyone in here knows… How does one restore their own dignity after making complete asses out of themselves in front of the entire planet 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/2 "2004-02-11T12:49:30Z")
Don’t ignore it. Don’t pretend you just didn’t make a dick of yourself. That’s awkward, and you’ll be more embarrassed when someone eventually brings it up. Worse, if a faux pas goes unacknowledged, you’ll torment yourself later wondering whether people actually noticed and are secretly laughing at you. Instead, be the _first_ to acknowledge whatever stupidity you’ve committed. Acknowledge it aloud: “D’oh! What a stupid thing to! Geez, don’t I look silly?” Laugh it up. Don’t let people make jokes at your expense; make the jokes _first_. You’ll deflect hurtful gibes and get bonus points for having the guts to be self-deprecating. … because funnily enough, generally people will like you _more_ if you make a mistake and acknowledge it with grace and humour–more so than if you’re consistently perfect. People who are big enough to stuff up occassionally and still laugh it off are accessible and attractive. People who never make mistakes or have to apologise are intimidating. People who stuff up and refuse to admit it (or forever cringe in embarassment) are pitiable. I have some experience in this area. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/3 "2004-02-11T12:56:51Z")
… for practice, you could own up to posting this thread in the wrong forum! 😃 (Perhaps ask for it to be moved to IMHO. :)) ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/4 "2004-02-11T13:26:40Z")
It is best to recover from it in private. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/5 "2004-02-11T13:34:45Z")
Do we get to find out what you did? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/6 "2004-02-11T14:06:55Z")
One Thread Move to Correct Forum, side of hash browns, comin’ up. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/7 "2004-02-11T14:15:58Z")
I worked in a small group who gathered for dinner at the boss’s club. My co-worker got shit-face bombed, was speaking in tongues, and could barely walk. While she was in the ladies room, we decided who was going to drive her home and who would follow in her car. Unbeknownst to us, she slipped out a side exit and proceeded to drive herself home. She hit two cars, fled the scene, and was nursing minor wounds at home the next day. She came into work the following day and, in tears, apologized to each of us individually for being an ass. Sometimes you just have to take your medicine. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/8 "2004-02-11T15:23:33Z")
I agree with **Jervoise** but I would add that you must sincerely apologize to any persons that you may have offended. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/9 "2004-02-11T15:25:17Z")
If I’m out alone somewhere in public (not at a place with lots of friends or coworkers who I have to see frequently), I just reflect on the fact that none of these people know me, or will even remember it as long as I will. That helps. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/10 "2004-02-11T15:32:03Z")
Good Lord. I’m very impressed that you _want_ to make her feel better after she drove home drunk. She could have killed someone. I hope no one else was hurt. I think this might be one of those times when only her future actions and some time can cover her indiscretions. It’s good that she apologized immediately. However, she should make it a policy to 1) not continually bring it up in conversation no matter how bad she feels (apologizing more than once makes “I’m sorry” less meaningful each time you say it and also reminds everyone over and over again of the incident); 2) never, ever get drunk in front of you and your colleagues again; and 3) never, ever try to drive home like that, regardless of who she’s drinking with. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/11 "2004-02-11T15:40:59Z")
Lessee - I was following my husband and daughter to our table in a buffet restaurant. He had the kid, I had the tray of drinks. I turned a wee bit too abruptly. Three iced drinks went down a poor woman’s back! :eek: We apologized repeatedly. We offered to get her garments cleaned. She declined and left soon thereafter. I felt bad for a bit, then we ate our buffet dinner. What ya gonna do? Stuff happens… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/12 "2004-02-11T15:40:56Z")
Lessee - I was following my husband and daughter to our table in a buffet restaurant. He had the kid, I had the tray of drinks. I turned a wee bit too abruptly. Three iced drinks went down a poor woman’s back! :eek: We apologized repeatedly. We offered to get her garments cleaned. She declined and left soon thereafter. I felt bad for a bit, then we ate our buffet dinner. What ya gonna do? Stuff happens… ---
**Author:** ![Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sat_on_Cookie)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/13 "2004-02-11T22:23:57Z")
When I was about 10, I was on a boat with my family and was charged with holding the dog (who was on a leash) which we docked in front of a fancy restaurant. There were gobs of people eating outdoors watching us. My dog decided to break out and took a flying leap off the boat before we were docked. At this point, we weren’t anywhere near the dock, so I just had no idea what to do. For some reason, letting go of her leash never occurred to me. So my poor doggie is dangling at the end of her leash because I won’t let go. People were gasping at the restaurant. I finally let go and she swam over to the shore where we retrieved her. It was incredibly humiliating and especially horrible because I had almost really hurt her (she was fine). I hid in the shower and cried, which worked ok for me. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/14 "2004-02-12T00:54:28Z")
moving 140 miles away can work wonders. ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/15 "2004-02-12T00:59:12Z")
One of my personal authorities on proper behaviour, Mrs. Emma Gad in her 1918 book “Takt og Tone” (" Manners") recommends the following approach: [ul] [li]Apologize to those you may have offended and/or inconvenienced.[/li][li]Try to make good whatever damage you may have caused, if you can.[/li][li]Apart from that, well-mannered people are expected to never bring it up again.[/li][/ul] Works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Starguard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Starguard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starguard)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/16 "2004-02-12T06:51:38Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Do we get to find out what you did? O.K…I’ll tell you A few weeks ago I was running very late behind my daily schedule. While runnig up the outside steps of the local library trying to get in, there was this very nice looking women coming down the stairs with this VERY huge man. This woman was wearing a mink shawl and a very short skirt. (Why she was wearing this in 20 degree weather is a sheer mystery to me) but anyway, while running up the stairs I lost my balance and started falling forward. While trying to catch my balance, I fell face first right on top of this woman, She fell backwards and my face landed beneath her skirt **right between her legs**. I tried to jump up, but momentum forced me to push forward before I could get my balance. Once back on my feet I hurridly pulled her up, then found myself staring face to chest with her male “escort”. This guy looked like something she should not be allowed to walk in public without a leash. While everyone else was standing around laughing, all I thought to myself was **“I AM ABOUT TO DIE”**. All he did was bent over, picked up my books and handed them to me, then angrily growled: “BE CAREFUL NEXT TIME”. When the both of them walked away it seemed like the entire street was all staring at me like I was on some stage or something. Now all I hear is people calling me stupid names like “Muff Man” “Snatch Boy” and keep asking me stupid questions like " Did it taste good" and stupid stuff like that, then start snickering whenever I walk past. I figure at this rate it’ll be a few decades before I can ever walk around again with dignity . ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/17 "2004-02-12T08:21:09Z")
I refer all of you to the cheerfully callous advice of Mr. J. P. Donleavy (my favorite author): > [@](#): > > It will astonish you at how slow folk are to conclude that you have paid your debt to society. And they will spend years continuing to intimidate you with their fish eyed looks. Till sometimes you’ve just about had enough. It is time then to set up on your lawn a sign illuminated by night with two large lettered words on top and two very tiny lettered ones underneath. > > FORGIVE ME > you fuckers > > This plea really shakes the neighbours and especially the ones who crawl up close to read the small print. From _The Unexpurgated Code_, section entitled “Upon Dying of Shame” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/18 "2004-02-12T11:04:08Z")
**Starguard** , that is indeed embarrassing. I see but one way of coping with what happened, since it was an accident, you’ve already paid your dues and been sorta forgiven: celebrate your celebrity. All the better if the woman was hot. If someone shouts a name at you, acknowledge it with a smile. It might also help to spread your reputation amongst the chicks… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/19 "2004-02-12T11:31:36Z")
I usually wait for the laughter and derision to abate a little, then I say “I meant to do that”. ---
**Author:** ![RotorHead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85e7bf/32.png) [@RotorHead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RotorHead)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640/20 "2004-02-12T14:02:22Z")
I think the best is to laugh at yourself. As long as nobody was physically hurt, why not enjoy it? I find the humiliation stops when you start enjoying it. Plus, it gives you the right to laugh at your friends when they inevitably do something just as retarded. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-one-recover-from-public-humiliation/228640.md?page=2)