# How does receiving praise make you feel? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2011, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248 "2011-02-13T21:48:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/21 "2011-02-14T23:30:00Z")
At work I like being appreciated for things that are over and above what I normally do to earn my salary. However, I am suspicious of praise that is too easily given, too vague (“man, you’re awesome!”) or too fulsome. In private life, I’ll take whatever I can get. Even if it makes me uncomfortable, I can usually smile and say “Thank you, you’re very kind.” Roddy ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/22 "2011-02-15T00:27:01Z")
It makes me very suspicious of the motives of the praiser. I’ve learned to say thank you and that is kind, but praise gets the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/23 "2011-02-15T01:00:58Z")
Wow. All the people saying they are suspicious has really gotten me worried. I’m very quick to praise others in all kinds of situations because I wasn’t around a lot of praise when I was a kid. I never knew others would be skeptical of what I give naturally. Makes me think I ought to reconsider. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/24 "2011-02-15T06:13:12Z")
I only feel uncomfortable if I think the praise is undeserved and that will leave me groping for the right response. Otherwise “thank you!” is an automatic response to both praise and complements. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/25 "2011-02-15T10:12:10Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > I hate being praised. It makes me very uncomfortable. A casual ‘thanks’ or ‘nice work’ I can shrug off, but anything more than that is too embarrassing. This is me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/26 "2011-02-15T10:15:24Z")
Usually the praise I get is thinly masked sarcasm or insults. For some reason, I am always surrounded by passive aggressive people who think they’re so intelligent (or everyone else is so stupid) they can get away with it. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/27 "2011-02-15T10:38:37Z")
> [@Baal\_Houtham](#): > > If I respect and trust the source of praise (and agree with it to a certain extent) there is no finer feeling. At times, I’ve defined the meaning of life as earning the respect of people you care about. (I wouldn’t categorically say that’s the only source of meaning in life, but --again-- it’s a fine feeling.) > > If I don’t think the people offering the praise know what they’re talking about, then I’ll accept it politely and really not care. > > If I think the praise is empty flattery, then my opinion of the people offering it goes down. > > If the praise is about how much they enjoyed something I did/created/said, rather than how clever I am to have done it… then I’ll be happy to have made them happy. There are a million types of praise, and a million types of praisers. I tend to automatically sort both out - similar to Baal. What I am wary of are the over-praisers, those who dole it out willy-nilly. I never trust their praise because it is an automatic response. It is a fine line betwixt under- and over-praising. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/28 "2011-02-15T15:58:19Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > I hate to contradict your teacher but I disagree that it’s rude. In fact I think it’s rude of him/her to _say_ it’s rude and to use words like ‘belittle’. > > When I praise other people I don’t find it rude of them to downplay it. I just recognise that they are being coy and try to reiterate the praise I agree with you that it’s not rude. Giving praise should be a selfless compliment. You can’t really praise somebody and then set constraints on how they need to react to it. On the other hand, being dismissive of praise seems to be more the norm than the exception. It’s almost a rarity for someone to just say something like “thank you, I worked hard on that” or “thanks, I’m really proud of myself for it”. I always see it as a very positive sign of confidence to accept praise graciously without downplaying it. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/29 "2011-02-15T22:12:09Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Due to the way I was raised, praise makes me feel suspicious. It has taken me decades to get close to getting over this. I’m in a similar situation. I went to an inner city high school a block away from the projects. If someone was nice to you for no reason it meant that they were lulling you into a false sense of security before they robbed you. I learned to be suspicious of all praise during that time period. I still haven’t completely unlearned the habit. ---
**Author:** ![desert29rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@desert29rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/desert29rat)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2011, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/30 "2011-02-17T05:05:05Z")
I am simultaneously delighted and embarrassed by praise. If I get a “you’re awesome!” from a colleague, I’ll respond with a deadpan “yeah, I get that a lot.” It gets a laugh, and it saves me from sounding uncomfortable. I do appreciate the compliments though; they can make my day. Keep them coming. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2011, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/31 "2011-02-17T09:28:52Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > If I receive praise, especially if it is unexpected, it makes me feel uncomfortable and ‘shy’. I immediately try to down-play that which is being praised or try to give credit to someone or something other than myself. That used to be me. I got over it by the process of examining what I was being praised for, whether other people around me would have been able to produce the same and whether I would have considered it praiseworthy if done by others. I realized that in every instance where the praiser sounded genuine, the answers were, respectively, “no” and “yes” - so what the heck, when I have done something extra-good that I’d be happy to praise others for, yay praise! Some sorts of “praise” leave me bewildered. “I’ve never met anybody like you”… uh… how is one suppposed to respond to that 😕, by saying “you need to travel more”? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2011, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/32 "2011-02-17T09:36:44Z")
For my father “ah, turns out you can get things right once in a while” was the closest thing he ever came to praise (yeah Dad, but most people don’t consider getting 100% in several university courses to be merely “right” - in one of them, the next highest grade was an 80%). For Mom? Hah. Anything she says which would look like praise in writing has a 99% probability of actually being sarcastic - or the opening for a criticism of everything else involved. It used to be that if she told a blood relation “I like your hair” and didn’t get distracted by something else, what followed was a detailed criticism of our jewelry or lack thereof (if female), makeup or lack thereof (if female), clothing, shoes, socks and posture. At one point she started making an effort to say “please” and “thank you” to me and the Bros and to praise us when it’s warranted, and it took us months to get somewhat used to it. It’s been years and when she says “nice hair” and stops, I still need to take several minutes to realize that she actually means it. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2011, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/33 "2011-02-17T09:55:43Z")
I’m curiously divided when I comes to praise – on the one hand, I tend to go fishing for compliments a bit, especially when I’ve made something I’m proud of; nothing too boastful, but occasionally I admit I do like to show of my stuff a little. On the other hand, if I’m just unexpectedly praised, I tend to almost feel a little exposed – like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights. Especially when I’m complimented about the way I am, rather than about things I’ve done. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2011, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248/34 "2011-02-17T10:09:27Z")
What about really beautiful women, who get variations of “you are so beautiful” all the time, not in the form of hitting on you but when you just turn guys into bashful, red-faced gulping cartoon characters? "Guh-guh-guh-_gawrsh_ (gulp), you’re talking to _me_? You look just like an angel . . . " (bows a furiously red face down & digs toe into the ground). Does that ever stop being weird when you encounter that reaction just from your ordering a Slurpee or something? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-receiving-praise-make-you-feel/571248.md?page=1)