# How does the Queen answer the phone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [December 5, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073 "2012-12-05T15:22:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/21 "2012-12-18T03:36:25Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas Queen, Defender of the Faith speaking. How may I help you? > [@qazwart](#): > > _“Why yes, we do have Prince Albert in the can.”_ > > (Old obsolete joke) > [@kayaker](#): > > I just hope she’s not too busy to set up her voicemail. I hate reaching generic voicemails. OK, so that’s _three_ people who didn’t read the Staff Report. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/22 "2012-12-19T18:53:07Z")
She hangs her tongue out the side of her mouth and yells, “WWWAAASSSSSUUUUPPPP?!?!?!?” ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/23 "2012-12-20T13:56:20Z")
I wonder what she says when she signs off. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/24 "2012-12-20T14:37:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > “Sorry, I’m in the loo, about to flush, I’ll ring you back in a minit.” More likely “I’m on the throne.” ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/25 "2012-12-30T00:20:26Z")
“Cheerio” for Goodbye? ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/26 "2012-12-30T17:01:01Z")
“Ta ta” also comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/27 "2013-01-02T23:39:50Z")
“Toodle-do”? ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/28 "2013-01-03T02:27:11Z")
ahoy-hoy ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/29 "2013-01-03T04:01:53Z")
[Spinoff thread…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=15855995) ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/30 "2013-01-03T17:21:17Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > [Spinoff thread…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=15855995) Thanks for the spinoff but "im not sure what you are asking for exactly. Could you provide an example reply? ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/31 "2013-01-03T23:49:15Z")
Getting back to the greetings, maybe…“Greetings”? ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/32 "2013-01-04T03:05:55Z")
Maybe “QE2 here.” ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/33 "2013-01-04T13:12:17Z")
“Hello, hello, hello, now here’s a message from your queen As figurehead of the status quo I set the social scene” ---
**Author:** ![KittyLetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@KittyLetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KittyLetter)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/34 "2013-01-12T02:08:29Z")
That’s a little Crass, ennit? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/35 "2013-01-16T14:15:45Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Maybe “QE2 here.” She’s the head of state, not the _ship_ of state. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/36 "2013-01-17T15:42:35Z")
I guess “This is your lord and master speaking” wouldn’t go over too well in the 21st century, even as a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/37 "2013-01-27T21:47:00Z")
An interesting set of morphing portraits of the Queen over lo, these many years: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/E8nJhG1xE5o/maxresdefault.jpg "YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8nJhG1xE5o) ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/38 "2013-01-28T23:41:34Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > An interesting set of morphing portraits of the Queen over lo, these many years: > [YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=E8nJhG1xE5o) Nice link. She has always been pretty. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/39 "2013-01-29T01:20:02Z")
QILF? ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073/40 "2013-01-29T16:06:20Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Nice link. She has always been pretty. Glorious vid. Nice to see so many relaxed natural smiles, rather than the rictus she must wear so often. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-the-queen-answer-the-phone/643073.md?page=3)