# How does this inexperienced person connect with more experienced people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 24, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342 "2006-01-24T02:02:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/1 "2006-01-24T02:02:01Z")
I’m almost in my mid twenties, and I have experienced less things in life compared to my peers and even thoses in their late teens. My folks are still together. I grew up in a middle class area. I was somewhat religious until about age 20. I’m a virgin. I’ve never really been drunk. I’ve never left this country. I’ve never been high. I don’t have a lot of money so I haven’t been a lot of the hottest places in town. I’ve never gone surfing. Nor have I seen a lot of movies and own a lot of albums. Most of my closer friends are just as or even more sheltered than I am. One of my biggest desires is to experience life to it’s fullest, especially while I’m in my youth. For that reason, I’m drawn towards those who have a lot of experience and do a lot of things. The problem is that I find it really hard to connect with these kinds of people. I’m always in the dark what they talk about. What should I do? The only thing I can come up with is to watch more movies and listen to more CDs…since this seems like the most easy and cheapest to access. Movies and music almost always come up at least once a day. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/2 "2006-01-24T02:11:53Z")
Do you enjoy watching movies and listening to CDs? Or are you going to do that because you think that’s what ‘experienced people’ do? It’s great that you want to live life to the fullest, but you have to find your own path in life and do the things that you find enjoyable. Not everyone wants to go surfing, or get high, or be seen in the hottest places in town. If that’s not your thing then it’s not your thing. Don’t try to make yourself into someone you’re not. It sounds to me like you’ve come to the conclusion that you should perhaps get out a bit more, and if that’s what you want to do, then go for it. But choose the things you are genuinely interested in. Do any of your friends feel the same way? Perhaps you could form a wee group and try out a few different things, maybe go to some live music events or even join a night class in a subject that interests you. By all means go to the pub and have a drink. But don’t get drunk just cos you think it’s the thing to do. Maybe go somewhere that has some entertainment on so you don’t feel so awkward sitting with your friends quietly in the pub. Just some random ideas off the top of my head - all the best! ---
**Author:** ![Blueapple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Blueapple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blueapple)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/3 "2006-01-24T02:12:31Z")
Are you in school? Have a job? What are your day-to-day activities that bring you into contact with people. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/4 "2006-01-24T02:34:43Z")
I “got experienced” when I began attending a foreign film series and meeting people there. Weird people. Dangerous people. Interesting people. Mysterious people. There aren’t many grade-A weirdos around here that I don’t know, now. I think the key to it was that it was a community thing, so I was thrown pretty much out of my own demographic. Most of the people I met there were significantly older than me. Also, I was too young and naive to be afraid of going places and doing things with them. Looking back, a lot of it makes my hair curl. Oh, boy. Was it ever experience. ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/5 "2006-01-24T02:38:56Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I’m a virgin. I’ve never really been drunk. I’ve never left this country. I’ve never been high. I don’t have a lot of money so I haven’t been a lot of the hottest places in town. I’ve never gone surfing. Nor have I seen a lot of movies and own a lot of albums. > > What should I do? Have sex. Drink too much. Go to Canada and get stoned. Save up and check out a new restaurant. Surf. Join netflix. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/6 "2006-01-24T02:49:59Z")
I’m in the same boat, but it has taken me a long time to realize something. I do want to experience more of the world. But I have more fun sitting in my friend’s basement with some close friends at 1am playing Mario Kart until I forget to blink and almost fall out of my chair than going out and drinking. Life’s too short to do stuff you don’t want to do. Try some stuff, but don’t do it because everyone else does it - do it because you enjoy it. If you do it once and don’t want to do it ever again, don’t. It took me a long time to find people like me, but once I did, I’m happier than I’ve been in a decade. ---
**Author:** ![Leviosaurus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Leviosaurus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leviosaurus)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/7 "2006-01-24T02:58:29Z")
One of the best peices of advice I’ve ever recieved was “Get out of your comfort zone.” You should try activities that you’re interested in, even if they frighten you a little - in fact, better if they frighten you a little. It might be intimidating to go take a surfing class where you don’t know anyone, or to take a bus trip across the country on your spare pennies. If it scares you too much, start small - take a tennis class or ask a stranger at the park to shoot a basketball with you. It’s past time you learned that doing these things won’t kill you, and will open your mind quite a bit. The experienced friends are the people you will meet on your journey. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/8 "2006-01-24T03:14:24Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Do you enjoy watching movies and listening to CDs? Or are you going to do that because you think that’s what ‘experienced people’ do? > > It’s great that you want to live life to the fullest, but you have to find your own path in life and do the things that you find enjoyable. Not everyone wants to go surfing, or get high, or be seen in the hottest places in town. If that’s not your thing then it’s not your thing. Don’t try to make yourself into someone you’re not. > ! I want to do all of the things I posted in my OP, except for get high and drunk. However, I do want to explore different drinks…for my taste buds. I believe those things will be my things, but I don’t have access to a lot of them and I don’t have anyone to do them with. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/9 "2006-01-24T03:15:51Z")
Can you be more specific? What things do you not have access to? I mean, if you want to take up surfing, but you don’t live in a coastal city, then maybe you should look for a different interest… ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/10 "2006-01-24T03:36:33Z")
> [@Blueapple](#): > > Are you in school? Have a job? What are your day-to-day activities that bring you into contact with people. I’m in school. I’m actaully involved in several organizations, but it seems that I can only connect with the more sheltered people. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/11 "2006-01-24T05:35:44Z")
If you’re up for it, travel. Lots of choices there. If you go yourself, it can be lonely - or a chance to explore your own mind - but you don’t need to go all by yourself; there’s lots of travel clubs out there. Sierra Club, you name it. Me, I’ve started taking sailing lessons at the local Parks & Rec department - and I’m, er, middle-aged. Mostly, I like it - but I’m not yet used to the boat tipping over (right, it’s called ‘heeling’) so darned much. Otherwise, keep your head open for the different things that just come along. Heck, even jury duty can at least give you some real-life stories to share. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/12 "2006-01-24T05:56:20Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I’m almost in my mid twenties…I’m a virgin. God damn man, you need to get on that shit… Look, you want to experience something, buy a ticket to Amsterdam and spend a month getting stoned and screwing prostitutes (all legit there). If that’s a little much, just go to the hottest bar in town, get shitfaced, talk to every girl you can and take a cab home. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/13 "2006-01-24T07:37:04Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I’m almost in my mid twenties, and I have experienced less things in life compared to my peers and even thoses in their late teens. My folks are still together. I grew up in a middle class area. I was somewhat religious until about age 20. I’m a virgin. I’ve never really been drunk. I’ve never left this country. I’ve never been high. I don’t have a lot of money so I haven’t been a lot of the hottest places in town. I’ve never gone surfing. Nor have I seen a lot of movies and own a lot of albums. Most of my closer friends are just as or even more sheltered than I am. > > One of my biggest desires is to experience life to it’s fullest, especially while I’m in my youth. For that reason, I’m drawn towards those who have a lot of experience and do a lot of things. The problem is that I find it really hard to connect with these kinds of people. I’m always in the dark what they talk about. > > What should I do? The only thing I can come up with is to watch more movies and listen to more CDs…since this seems like the most easy and cheapest to access. Movies and music almost always come up at least once a day. If you want to experience life to its fullest, just do it! Don’t watch someone else do it. Don’t just talk about it, either. Why just listen to stories of exciting things when you can experience them yourself? Then, people who enjoy excitement will be drawn to **you** , because you will have interesting stories to tell. But don’t succumb to the peer pressure to have sex or get drunk or do drugs just because you think you have to. You don’t. Do it when (and if) _you’re ready_. But know this: Life will pass you by very quickly if you let it. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/14 "2006-01-24T08:43:47Z")
Go on a road trip. Go anywhere. Don’t worry about the destination. Have an adventure. Take friends, maybe a tent. Just GO. Unplanned or roughly-planned road trips will do more for life experience than getting magnificently drunk or doing too many drugs. I speak as one who knows. And don’t worry about doing it all in your 20s (although you can get away with a little more at this age). I’m about to turn 25 and I’ve got a laundry list as long as I am tall of things I haven’t done that I want to do. Best advice I can give here is to take care of yourself, and prolong the fun throughout your life. Buy the ticket, take the ride. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/15 "2006-01-24T08:52:30Z")
What I did at your age - got a shitty job, worked all the hours I could, and saved like a mofo. After a year of saving I bought a ticket to Japan with no idea what I was going to do there, and no return ticket. Best decision I ever made, and more adventures and experiences (including hardship) and romances and new friends than you could possibly imagine. I didn’t come home for thirteen years. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/16 "2006-01-24T09:04:36Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > God damn man, you need to get on that shit… > Look, you want to experience something, buy a ticket to Amsterdam and spend a month getting stoned and screwing prostitutes (all legit there). > > If that’s a little much, just go to the hottest bar in town, get shitfaced, talk to every girl you can and take a cab home. Why? What’s the rush? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/17 "2006-01-24T10:37:21Z")
> [@The Sausage Creature](#): > > Go on a road trip. Go anywhere. Don’t worry about the destination. Have an adventure. Take friends, maybe a tent. Just GO. Unplanned or roughly-planned road trips will do more for life experience than getting magnificently drunk or doing too many drugs. I speak as one who knows. I agree. I spent ten weeks on the road in my late 20’s with just my car and a tent. I drove from North Carolina to California and back again, all of it on back roads, sleeping out almost every night. I saw some incredible stuff. And if you’re not paying for hotels, travel can be really cheap. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/18 "2006-01-24T14:27:49Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Why? What’s the rush? Do I have to give you the speech from The 40 Year Old Virgin? Seriously though, the “rush” is that, in general, being intimate with a partner involves a number of social skills that people generally develop in their teens. Approaching women, dating, various skillz in the bedroom. Not to mention that Diamonds02 is in fact missing out on some good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/19 "2006-01-24T14:41:21Z")
[Here’s a list](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=355137) ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342/20 "2006-01-24T14:46:48Z")
Go to a biker bar Hitchhike cross-country Hang out with artists - they often see things differently than the rest of the world Change your look. You’d be surprised how that will attract people outside your comfort zone Take up a hobby that you have no knowledge of [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-does-this-inexperienced-person-connect-with-more-experienced-people/341342.md?page=2)