# How embarrassing is living with your parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 16, 2014, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994 "2014-01-16T20:06:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/161 "2014-01-17T19:31:38Z")
“Well, you kids just run upstairs and make me some grandbabies, OK?” ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/162 "2014-01-17T19:32:26Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > You’ve lived in the suburbs for way too long. A small bachelor’s located pretty far from the subway on Sherbourne costs over $900 per month excluding utilities. A studio near Yonge and Eglinton will set you back $1000+ per month. The only place you could get for $650 is probably a basement room in ghettos such as Regent Park. > > And there are plenty of houses outside or on the fringes of Toronto where a 3-bedroom would be about $500k, but commuting 4 hours a day is a waste of time and money. Given that I once lived in the suburban wasteland of Brampton for a year, commuting from there to downtown as a much greater loss than living with my parents for two years or so. And to the person who lives cheaply in Burlington: it shouldn’t even be counted as part of the GTA, it’s beside Hamilton not Toronto!! I think the point here is that the goals you have don’t match your likely prospects. If your goal is to move from your parent’s place into a nice house without a lengthy commute in Toronto, you aren’t looking to live with your parents for a couple of years or so, but for far longer than that. Unless the real estate “bear marketers” are right and Toronto is due for a catestrophic real estate price deflation, or your employment proves to be extremely remunerative, it would probably be at least a decade - if not more - before you could really afford such a place with any degree of financial safety. ---
**Author:** ![artemis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/91b2a8/32.png) [@artemis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/artemis)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/163 "2014-01-17T19:33:10Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > I’m even having trouble currently finding a decent, paid internship. The economy is stagnant and youth unemployment is still growing. Which means you’re going to have to be aggressive in your job search, which means looking far and wide for positions, not just in Toronto. It’s a bit premature to discuss the virtues and drawbacks of moving in with your parents in Toronto when for all you know next year will find you accepting employment in Winnipeg. Job first. Housing options second. That’s the order in which the game is played. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/164 "2014-01-17T19:35:34Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > A hotel? Not being promiscuous for two years or so? It’s really not that hard. **Me and my current roommate have always had a no guests rule**. And is doing it in a dirty, run-down basement in a ghetto really that hot? [bolding mine] You leave me with the impression that “guests” were never much of an issue for you. > [@VeroTrem](#): > > It’s a given that I’m paying for all of my food. And honestly, unless you’re unemployed and at home all day, utilities don’t rise by much. It typically goes up by $10/month when I move back in for the summer. Seems you’ve calculated your life and finances (present and future) down to the last cent. Puzzles me why a smart college graduate like you can’t figure out the simple formula for how much to pay your mom and dad for letting you overstay your welcome. Let’s see now… must be a simple formula… it’s just the three of you? How about: 1. Market cost by square footage of your room and bathroom and closet. 2. 1/3 of rest of common space (kitchen, basement, living room, closets for storage) 3. Subtract your parents bedroom and bathroom (Can’t have them living off your hard earned savings!) 4. 1/3 all utilities 5. 1/3 property taxes 6. 1/3 property maintenance (lawn, snow removal 7. 1/3 house cleaning 8. 1/3 food and common household items 9. Do you use the family car? Your car insurance and gas and maintenance. Add it all up and that ought to put your mind at ease for how much you should be paying for a roof over your head. And oh yeah, you might want to discuss that “guest” policy with them as well. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/165 "2014-01-17T19:36:28Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > First of all, I don’t think I’m guaranteed any job beyond a minimum-wage one. I’m even having trouble currently finding a decent, paid internship. The economy is stagnant and youth unemployment is still growing. In your OP you said you thought you’d live with your parents for the first few years of your working life. I thought that meant you were confident you could get a job after graduation. It does change the equation if you can’t, but you still do have a lot of money saved and you could afford to live off that for a time while you look for a job. > [@](#): > > If I rented and had to sign a 1+ year contract and subsequently got laid off, then that $50k savings won’t last forever. So don’t sign a multi-year lease. I doubt you’d be offered one anyway - that would never happen here - but maybe things work differently in the Great White North. In that situation you’d be on the hook for a few months at most and you could afford that. Although in real life you could also find a subletter to take over your lease anyway. ---
**Author:** ![VeroTrem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@VeroTrem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VeroTrem)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/166 "2014-01-17T19:36:42Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > “First of all, I don’t think I’m guaranteed any job beyond a minimum-wage one.” > > I didn’t know Canada had guaranteed jobs. Interesting. Now I’m confused how a country that "guarantee"s “minimum wage” jobs [has an unemployment rate exceeding 7%](http://www.tradingeconomics.com/canada/unemployment-rate). Try [this](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/ontario-s-youth-unemployment-among-worst-in-canada-1.1872206) instead. Ontario youth unemployment is 16%+ instead of your overall “7%” unemployment. As well, a lot of youth are underemployed or stuck in dead-end jobs. “Guaranteed” is relative. I’ve never had trouble returning to employment at McDonald’s, even when starting out during the Great Recession. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/167 "2014-01-17T19:39:35Z")
> [@artemis](#): > > No, she’s rightfully wary that she’d be dating a child in a grownup’s body rather than a mature adult. And she’s right to be wary of that! That’s a headache no one needs. Spending thousands of dollars per year on living arrangements when you don’t need to does not prove one is not a child, it proves one is bad with money ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/168 "2014-01-17T19:39:43Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Well, at that age you are out of school before they come home from work. Furthermore, your partner is probably pretty understanding about having to take off their shoes and sneak in, have sex as quietly as possible, and leave before dawn. And while your parents might not forbid you to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, I wouldn’t want to wander down to the kitchen in my boyfriend’s house and have his mom offer me coffee. Much depends on the stage of the relationship, your personal position on things, and your parent’s personalities. If you end up in a steady and socially-recognized relationship, the situation is very much different than if you are fooling around with a bunch on one-nighters. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/169 "2014-01-17T19:39:52Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > How often does it ever come up? Scratch that… how does it come up? Given the stigma placed on it, I’m surprised that anyone would mention it to their employer or that their employer would ever ask. If your address is in as well-to-do an area as you said, they wouldn’t they be able to tell when they read it on your resume? If you could afford it on your own, it would be unlikely you’d be applying entry-level anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/170 "2014-01-17T19:40:42Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > Try [this](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/ontario-s-youth-unemployment-among-worst-in-canada-1.1872206) instead. Ontario youth unemployment is 16%+ instead of your overall “7%” unemployment. As well, a lot of youth are underemployed or stuck in dead-end jobs. “Guaranteed” is relative. I’ve never had trouble returning to employment at McDonald’s, even when starting out during the Great Recession. I’m not the one that claimed I’m guaranteed a minimum wage job. You are. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/171 "2014-01-17T19:43:34Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > If your address is in as well-to-do an area as you said, they wouldn’t they be able to tell when they read it on your resume? If you could afford it on your own, it would be unlikely you’d be applying entry-level anywhere. Not so much an issue. He could lie and say he’s renting the basement apartment. ---
**Author:** ![VeroTrem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@VeroTrem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VeroTrem)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/172 "2014-01-17T19:47:08Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > I’m not the one that claimed I’m guaranteed a minimum wage job. You are. It is basically guaranteed in my personal situation as I still work there part-time. As well, I’ve received some initial PhD offers from some (albeit lesser-known) universities for after graduation and the $25k/year or so stipend is basically a guaranteed above minimum job. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/173 "2014-01-17T19:47:32Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > You’ve lived in the suburbs for way too long. A small bachelor’s located pretty far from the subway on Sherbourne costs over $900 per month excluding utilities. A studio near Yonge and Eglinton will set you back $1000+ per month. The only place you could get for $650 is probably a basement room in ghettos such as Regent Park. > > And there are plenty of houses outside or on the fringes of Toronto where a 3-bedroom would be about $500k, but commuting 4 hours a day is a waste of time and money. Given that I once lived in the suburban wasteland of Brampton for a year, commuting from there to downtown as a much greater loss than living with my parents for two years or so. And to the person who lives cheaply in Burlington: it shouldn’t even be counted as part of the GTA, it’s beside Hamilton not Toronto!! Holy shit! I lived in Toronto and Mississauga and settled here in lovely Burlington cause that’s where my job is. People are commuting to Toronto from Guelph, FFS, Burlington just ain’t that far, honey. Anyway, in terms of apartments, were I single and had a freshly minted entry level job paying what you think yours will I would be looking at places like this: [http://www.viewit.ca/vwExpandView.aspx?ViT=145038](http://www.viewit.ca/vwExpandView.aspx?ViT=145038) College and Spadina close enough for you? Do you know how I found that apartment and many more on the subway line but farther from downtown but cheaper? I googled. You know, google? Also, commuting from Brampton without a car is a bitch, I agree. But you know what? Every community around here has a downside. Want cheaper? Longer commute. End of story. Now, if you were really smart, you would get a job where you can telecommute and live wherever you can afford. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/174 "2014-01-17T20:07:55Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > It is basically guaranteed in my personal situation as I still work there part-time. As well, I’ve received some initial PhD offers from some (albeit lesser-known) universities for after graduation and the $25k/year or so stipend is basically a guaranteed above minimum job. Wait, you have offers for jobs and you’re sitting here quoting scare-statistics about how unemployment is so bad? Come ON. You have jobs lined up, effectively sidestepping the unemployment problem, and you’re in this thread worrying about your nest egg magically disappearing if you move out or something? Man, I started out working $10 an hour and paid for my independence by living with roommates for a year to cut costs. The year after I moved cities to one that was actually going somewhere and landed a salaried job at 30k. Supported my husband while he searched for a job, no roommates. I never went into debt, I never dipped far into my savings, and I learned a whole freakin’ lot. Now I have a growing nest egg and absolutely lovely job prospects on the horizon. The year I graduated was 2009 and it took me only 5 months before I had the first job and 3 months until I had the second job. Don’t act like living on $10 an hour and moving up is some sort of impossibility. You obviously have the skills to succeed somewhere in there to get the offers, so you’re only holding yourself back now. Hell, with 50k I’d be out there starting my own business, not whining about how the offers I’m getting aren’t good enough or something. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/175 "2014-01-17T20:12:38Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > Try [this](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/ontario-s-youth-unemployment-among-worst-in-canada-1.1872206) instead. Ontario youth unemployment is 16%+ instead of your overall “7%” unemployment. As well, a lot of youth are underemployed or stuck in dead-end jobs. “Guaranteed” is relative. I’ve never had trouble returning to employment at McDonald’s, even when starting out during the Great Recession. I lived in Toronto from 1976 to 1982. Obviously a lot has changed. You live in the second largest country in the world - expand your horizons and look for work elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/176 "2014-01-17T20:19:15Z")
As a point of information, 56% of millennials between 18-24 live with their parents. Between 25 and 31 years of age it is 16%. More than 1/3 of people aged 18-31 in the US live with their parents. [Cite](http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/08/01/a-rising-share-of-young-adults-live-in-their-parents-home/) ---
**Author:** ![artemis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/91b2a8/32.png) [@artemis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/artemis)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/177 "2014-01-17T20:19:23Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > You live in the second largest country in the world - expand your horizons and look for work elsewhere. And remember that “elsewhere” can include the USA, the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand, as well as cities outside of Toronto. You’re not necessarily restricted to Canada when it comes to looking for employment. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/178 "2014-01-17T20:26:09Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > No one in my family ever attended university, but they were always thrifty and they would laugh if I ever had to get a mortgage. I hope you’re willing to subject yourself to their (foolish) laughter, or it’ll be a long time before you can afford a house, and meanwhile you’ve walked away from substantial sums of money – at least, in any market where housing prices are rising. > [@VeroTrem](#): > > And is doing it in a dirty, run-down basement in a ghetto really that hot? If it’s dirty, that’s your fault. I’ve lived in and known people who’ve lived in low-rent places, and places with maintenance issues, but not dirty ones because THEY CLEAN THE DAMN PLACE UP, paint, whatever. I applaud your hesitation to dig into your savings. Sure, save that up for a down payment. Great plan. Don’t dig into it to buy a car, if you don’t have to. Live with your parents until you find your first job. Then you’ll be able to budget, and know what you can afford, and where you’ll be working. If you get by fine on public transport, great! If not, find a suitable used car that’s at least 6 or 8 years old. You’ll save tons on insurance. Most of the cost of insurance is coverage on the vehicle itself. If you drive an old car whose bluebook value is low, you can skip coverage on your car completely: you have that $50K plus whatever else you’ll save up. Insurance is to handle costs you can’t afford. No point paying for what you don’t need. Always get the highest deductible you can find. You’ll find that in these circumstances, insurance is far less than you think. If you do stay with your parents: 1. Pay them a reasonable rent. Don’t ask, just pay. If they refuse, insist. Follow this rule only if you have any pride. 2. Be on the lookout for ANY job you can do around the house – especially if you don’t have a job yet. Don’t wait to be asked to take out the trash, shovel the driveway, or mow the grass. When you’re unemployed, even if spending 4-to-8 hours a day looking for work, this is easy. When you’re your folks’ age, you’ll understand what I’m saying, if you don’t get it already. 3. Expect it to be a hindrance on romance. Finally: for your first house, don’t buy the house you need, buy the one you can afford. I had to learn this lesson from my wife (bless her!) She convinced me to agree to buy an old and small house in a less-than-ideal neighborhood. I said it wasn’t big enough for us, our kid, my hobbies, etc. And it wasn’t, but she pointed out that it was better to buy what didn’t quite fit than to continue renting. Well, that house was a bit small for us (mostly, me and my music stuff) and wasn’t a perfect fit, but we made compromises, fixed it up a bit, and made it a great place to live for nearly three years. The neighborhood turned out to be great too; we met people we’re still friends with 25 years later. Plus we could walk to downtown, and property values were rising thanks to “gentrification”. When we sold, we made out very well, and were able to get a house that did fit us. The thing is, when you buy a house, you pay 20% (we actually paid 5%, with PMI) and borrow the rest. Say it’s a $100K house, to make the numbers easy. Say it sells for $125K a few years later. That looks like a 25% profit, but it’s actually considerably better, since the cost is only $20K plus monthly payments. This is called “leverage” and it’s what you can get if you buy a house using a mortgage. Only a fool laughs at someone who buys a house with potential for value increase, using a mortgage. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/179 "2014-01-17T20:48:30Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > 1. Expect it to be a hindrance on romance. Something tells me “romance” isn’t much of an issue for this bloke. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994/180 "2014-01-17T20:48:45Z")
> [@VeroTrem](#): > > but it seems logical as a similar standard of living would cost me at least $15,000/year in rent. You need to grow up. Find yourself a one-bedroom flat or a bedsit to rent near your place of work. And you’ve received PHD offers with a stipend? Go for them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-embarrassing-is-living-with-your-parents/678994.md?page=10)