# How far up a man's ass will a saxophone go? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 4, 2000, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576 "2000-10-04T03:36:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/21 "2000-10-05T15:01:55Z")
Sigh. Yet another anal sax thread. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agisofia \* > \*\*You left out one highly relavant detail, DoctorJ. > > Also, most soprano saxes are straight, rather than curved, which makes insertion a good deal easier. Of course, a curved soprano sax will still make more headway than the lower-keyed, hence larger varieties. \*\* Well, as the good doctor no doubt knows, the curved saxes are probably the best shaped for negotiating the sigmoid colon. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/22 "2000-10-05T17:46:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > **there was this one time, at band camp…** Spraffghblt! Coffee, all over the place. You _so_ owe me a new keyboard, Twist. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/23 "2000-10-05T20:02:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*I’m shocked **Ukulele Ike** and **Saxface**! If you want full insertion you must go to the top register saxophone. That would be a straight sopranino sax (smaller than some porno dicks). As to how to get it there I leave you with the immortal solution to almost everything: > > “Get it up to forty miles an hour and it’ll fit just fine.” > > Rhully! > \*\* In the entire two years I worked in that warehouse, I saw exactly one sopranino sax. Do you really want to shove such a rare instrument up a guy’s ass? Besides, I don’t think he’s notice if you did. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/24 "2000-10-05T20:13:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agisofia \* > \*\* In the entire two years I worked in that warehouse, I saw exactly one sopranino sax. Do you really want to shove such a rare instrument up a guy’s ass? > > Besides, I don’t think he’s notice if you did. \*\* I doubt if **DoctorJ** would find the instrument’s rarity to be an inhibiting factor. Trust me **agisofia** , leave the reed on and **he’ll** notice! PS: I suggest _(you can see this coming)_ that a **#2** (what else?) Rico Royal would be the most appropriate in this case (giggle). ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/25 "2000-10-05T20:37:41Z")
I happen to own a soprano sax. It’s pretty low-end, and I haven’t played it much in a few years. If you bring me this annoying street musician, I might be able to lube up a few tests… ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/26 "2000-10-05T20:43:16Z")
Ahhhhhhhh…the definition of a gentleman: a guy who owns a soprano saxophone, but refuses to play it. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/27 "2000-10-05T20:44:56Z")
Touché. ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/28 "2000-10-05T20:48:38Z")
Doctor J, I honestly don’t how far up his ass it will go either. But I do believe in Murphy’s law and I bet if you shove it up there you will be the doctor that is paged to come to the emergency room to pull it out(at least it would be easier to get out than a gerbil 😃 ). EEEWWWWW! BTW this is a really funny thread. I should have read instead of the one I have posting on. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/29 "2000-10-06T04:15:03Z")
[Flinstones music] Simpson, Homer Simpson He’s the greatest guy in history! From the town of Springfield He’s about to hit a chestnut tree! Aaaauugghh!!! _CRASH_ [/Flintstones music] All I can add to this is if you decide to answer the question in the thread title, he’ll thank his lucky stars he doesn’t play a Sousaphone. [sub]I really thought this was going to be a Kenny G thread. I really did.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/30 "2000-11-17T14:02:16Z")
Quiet, painful but not deadly (usually) and no projectile evidence… ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/31 "2000-11-17T14:15:33Z")
Damn. I was hoping this thread would involve Kenny G. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/32 "2000-11-17T14:18:05Z")
You might try stripping the keys off that sax first and then adding some valve oil for easier insertion. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/33 "2000-11-17T14:40:34Z")
An update: Charlie Fucking Parker over there is still blasting out the greatest hits of the twentieth century on a nightly basis. However, it hasn’t been bothering me as much lately. Part of it is that I’ve gotten used to it, as one can get used to anything. Part of it is that I’ve been on surgery for the last month, and have thus had to be at school at 5:00 AM, so I’ve been going to sleep before he really gets going. However, I have been on the GI (gastrointestinal) Surgery service, which gave me the chance to work with Dr. Hagihara, UK’s world-class proctologist. His skill with the colonoscope is unmatched, and he claims to have done more than 30,000 colonoscopies in his 40-year career. If anyone has the expertise and equipment to get a saxophone up a man’s ass, it’s Dr. Hag–he could get that sucker all the way up to the cecum, and could probably get the mouthpiece right on into the terminal ileum. If Dipshit adds anything truly heinous to his repertoire (not likely, since I don’t think he’s added anything yet, although I finally recognized one tune as the theme from “Sanford and Son”), I may have to give Hag a page. Dr. J PS: My knowledge of the saxophone is sorely lacking (I’m a guitarist), but I believe it’s an alto. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/34 "2000-11-17T15:16:59Z")
Thanks for the prognosis Doctor 😉 So, your a guitarist, eh? I recommend you learn duling banjos. Some night you are free. go over and stand beside him, playing the 8 note intro over and over again, lookin’ at him all funny like, until he tries to play along with you, and fails miserably, causing him to go home and never darken your door step again. ---
**Author:** ![Mielikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Mielikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mielikki)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/35 "2000-11-17T16:10:34Z")
No, it has to be ‘Stairway to Heaven’. Oh, or ‘Freebird’. Or both. Heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/36 "2000-11-17T16:28:29Z")
Hotel California. Maybe not as challanging, but fun to sing along, and a great beat. ---
**Author:** ![UnEasyRider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e56c9b/32.png) [@UnEasyRider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnEasyRider)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/37 "2000-11-17T21:36:05Z")
Two words-“Whipping Post”. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/38 "2000-11-17T22:53:57Z")
**DoctorJ** You are working with a world class proctologist and you haven’t put this question to him. How does this fit in with our mission of fighting ignorance? With 40 years of experience, I’m sure he has hundreds of war stories about musical instrument anal insertions. Think if your contributions to science if you could find out, in fact, how far a saxaphone can be inserted. Publish, and perhaps the nobel committee awaits. In any event, you could refer the esteemed Dr. H to the boards. I’m sure a proctologist would round out our worthy collection of experts here. ---
**Author:** ![ren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@ren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ren)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2000, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/39 "2000-11-17T23:27:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Yet another anal sax thread. LOL! I think I’m going to start using “YAAST” as an acronym… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576/40 "2000-11-20T11:37:32Z")
You could always request “The Girl From Ipanema”. Hopefully he’ll get so lost in the key changes he’ll slink away in embarrassment. On the other hand, if he had any shame, he wouldn’t be playing the Flintstones theme in the first place. Another option: Water balloons. Filled with syrup. How’s your throwing arm? 😃 jr8 “I am astounded … at the wonderful power you have developed - and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on record forever.” – Arthur Sullivan, on seeing a demonstration of Edison’s new talking machine in 1888 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-far-up-a-mans-ass-will-a-saxophone-go/35576.md?page=3)