# How hard can I hit some-one in the face with a trout without killing them? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2007, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127 "2007-03-16T01:51:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/21 "2007-03-16T12:31:50Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] 10 **lbs psi** [/QUOTE] First of all, **P.S.I.** is **p** ounds per **s** quare **i** nch (not Per Square Inch) so it doesn’t need any leading units. Second of all, psi is a pressure, not a force. “Lbs psi” is pound-pounds per square inch, which doesn’t really have a physical meaning. You must really want to give this trout victim a good pound-pounding. Cause of death is probably going to be a concussion, and the trout is going to need to be going fast enough that it can administer a concussion before splitting open. Off the top of my head (no, someone else’s, please!) I’d say a 10-kg trout swung at 5 m/s would be within the threshold for injury. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/22 "2007-03-16T13:33:23Z")
**You are standing in a large clearing. A strange man stands before you with an expectant look on his face. Exits are south and east. There is a trout here.** \>examine trout **It looks like an ordinary, every day trout from the fish market. It appears to be dead.** \> smell trout **It smells fishy. The strange man raises an eyebrow.** \> get trout **You pick up the trout.** \>wear trout **You attempt to don the trout, but are unable to get your arms through the gills. Clearly, you need to lose some weight.** \>wield trout **You are now armed with a trout.** \> hit man with trout **You slap the strange man across the face with the trout. It makes a wet smacking noise. The strange man gives you a withering look.** \>hit man with trout hard **You slap the strange man hard across the face with the trout. It makes a louder, wetter smacking noise. The strange man sighs with boredom.** \>hit man with trout harder **You slap the strange man very hard across the face with the trout. It makes an even louder, much wetter smacking noise. The strange man is becoming irritated by your ineffectiveness.** \>hit man with trout really, really hard **You really put your back into smacking the strange man with the trout. His head snaps back with the blow. The trout left some scales on the strange man’s cheek, but while he appears to be more satisfied with your effort, he is clearly expecting more.** \> inventory **You are carrying: A box of safety matches A postcard from Belize A half-eaten stick of chewing gum (peppermint flavored) A trout A trout cannon** \>put trout in trout cannon **The trout cannon is now loaded. You are now unarmed.** \>wield trout cannon **You are now armed with a trout cannon.** \> fire trout cannon at man **In a shower of sparks and fish, you launch the trout at the strange man. It hits him square in the chest at 6.5 meters per second, exerting a force of 650 pounds and making a satisfying, boomy _thud_. The strange man is thrown backwards several meters before skidding along the ground and coming to rest in a cloud of dust and trout debris against a tree stump.** \>examine man **He’s dead, Jim.** \>s **It’s dark. You’re likely to be eaten by a grue.** \> ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/23 "2007-03-16T13:57:59Z")
That’s pretty zorky, if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_Next\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@Girl\_Next\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_Next_Door)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/24 "2007-03-16T14:09:54Z")
Bravo, **Mindfield**! That was awesome. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/25 "2007-03-16T14:11:59Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] **You are now armed with a trout cannon.** \> fire trout cannon at man **In a shower of sparks and fish, you launch the trout at the strange man. It hits him square in the chest at 6.5 meters per second, exerting a force of 650 pounds and making a satisfying, boomy _thud_. The strange man is thrown backwards several meters before skidding along the ground and coming to rest in a cloud of dust and trout debris against a tree stump.** \>examine man **He’s dead, Jim.** [/QUOTE] You fool! You forgot to give him the locked tackle box first, and he’s the only one who can open it! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/26 "2007-03-16T14:23:58Z")
**Mindfield** Excellent. Have you by any chance been playing “The Hobbit” game at some time. If so did you manage to finish it?. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/27 "2007-03-16T14:27:36Z")
That was one of the awesomest things I’ve seen in some time, **Mindfield**. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/28 "2007-03-16T14:34:46Z")
If you can chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring, you should be able to kill a man with a trout. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/29 "2007-03-16T15:22:48Z")
[QUOTE=VunderBob] So you were crabby? [/QUOTE] I’m trying to come up with another fish pun, but I’m floundering. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/30 "2007-03-16T15:25:54Z")
Thank you, thank you. Look for _TroutQuest_ on store shelves this summer. 🙂 **robardin** - Who needs 'im? There’s a swordfish later in the game that you can use to pick the lock. **chowder** - I played The Hobbit briefly on a spectrum emulator years ago, but I’m afraid I didn’t give it a whole lot of time. Infocom spoiled me for text adventures. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/31 "2007-03-16T15:30:04Z")
Leave me out of this! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/32 "2007-03-16T17:17:24Z")
[QUOTE=TwoTrouts] Leave me out of this! [/QUOTE] So that begs the question, How hard can I hit some-one in the face with TwoTrouts without killing them? For the OP, some questions: Would the receiver of the fish-slap be allowed some protection, such as a Cod-piece? Would the slap be gentle or quite Roughy? Will it make the receiver Grunt loudly? Would observers be able to watch from a safe Perch? Why do you even want to know such a thing? Is it just for the Halibut? Is there something wrong with your social Morays? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/33 "2007-03-16T17:33:23Z")
And are you on a treadmill? In Mariner’s Trench? Playing some song with three letters in its title by a well dressed New Age Group? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/34 "2007-03-16T18:54:01Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] I’m trying to come up with another fish pun, but I’m floundering. [/QUOTE] Cod damnit, that pun was terrible! Such tripe! And bravo again to **Mindfield** , that was most excellent. In response to everyone’s questions: Yes, but only for 20 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/35 "2007-03-16T20:17:45Z")
[QUOTE=Lord Il Palazzo] That was one of the awesomest things I’ve seen in some time, **Mindfield**. Thanks. [/QUOTE] Ditto. With a perfect ear for the writing style and humor of these games. Bra-vo. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/36 "2007-03-16T20:44:47Z")
If you’re gay, do you have to use a rainbow trout? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/37 "2007-03-16T20:59:47Z")
Iwant to use a different type of fish, but I don’t know where to get [scrod](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mscrod.html) ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/38 "2007-03-16T21:52:28Z")
If we get to choose the type of fish, I think a [sawfish](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sawfish) might do the trick, but I like the challenging nature of murder by trout. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/39 "2007-03-16T22:09:20Z")
I started reading this thread for the halibut, but I’ve fallen for the puns – hook, line and sinker. We have to stop baiting each other. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/40 "2007-03-16T22:38:25Z")
[QUOTE=Jurph] First of all, **P.S.I.** is **p** ounds per **s** quare **i** nch (not Per Square Inch) so it doesn’t need any leading units. [/QUOTE] No, he’s clearly citing the Piscine Smack Index. While perhaps a bit overly technical for this thread, the usage here is correct. Professional Fish-Slappers consider anything over 6 lbs PSI to be dangerous, and anything in excess of 8 lbs PSI is banned by international law. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127.md?page=3)