# How hard can I hit some-one in the face with a trout without killing them? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2007, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127 "2007-03-16T01:51:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/41 "2007-03-16T22:40:22Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Iwant to use a different type of fish, but I don’t know where to get [scrod](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mscrod.html) [/QUOTE] A guy gets into a cab in Boston and asks the driver, “Can I get scrod at the Parker House?” The driver says “Yeah, but you can get laid even cheaper down on Stuart Street”. Part of the OP answer is that one of THEM is already dead, if it’s been out of water long. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2007, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/42 "2007-03-16T22:48:02Z")
by trout, you don’t perhaps mean a trouser trout? ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/43 "2007-03-17T01:27:19Z")
It all depends on how friendly you are with the person you’re striking. Wouldn’t want to chum a chum, now would we? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/44 "2007-03-17T02:01:49Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] …brilliant parody snip … **He’s dead, Jim.** \>s **It’s dark. You’re likely to be eaten by a grue.** \> [/QUOTE] You know for years everyone has been going out of their way to specifically tell me when people are dead. I always try to show the proper respect, but no more. This guy deserved it, no one will miss him. One part of answering this question is the question of how much force can the Op actually generate without resorting to mechanical tools. Now using advance skills of scientific deduction we know that \*\*Autolycus \*\* is either a thief or ancient mathematician. We know thieves rarely develop a high strength but do require a very high dexterity. We have to assume as a thief he will have little combat skill and probably attempt to back stab someone with said trout. If he was an ancient mathematician we will have to assume that he has no ability to seriously injure anyone but himself with the trout. Therefore we have to conclude that \*\*Autolycus \*\* is actually \*… wait for it … \* A WITCH Jim {\*\*Pinkfreud \*\* that was brilliant.} ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/45 "2007-03-17T03:42:49Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] … Therefore we have to conclude that \*\*Autolycus \*\* is actually \*… wait for it … \* A WITCH Jim {\*\*Pinkfreud \*\* that was brilliant.} [/QUOTE] Burn him! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/46 "2007-03-17T04:13:48Z")
I am not a witch! I merely dabble. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/47 "2007-03-17T04:17:38Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] I am not a witch! I merely dabble. [/QUOTE] Well, she turned me into a newt! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/48 "2007-03-17T04:22:15Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Well, she turned me into a newt! [/QUOTE] Well, you can blame my girlfriend for that! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/49 "2007-03-17T08:03:17Z")
If the slappee has a face full of freckles would you use a speckled trout? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/50 "2007-03-17T11:29:42Z")
**Autolycus** –why didn’t you consult me, the Zen Master of Wet Trout slapping? You are disrespectful. You must be punished. \ This is the sound of one Wet Trout slapping, Grasshopper… ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/51 "2007-03-17T12:08:06Z")
Bravo, **Mindfield** , bravo! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/52 "2007-03-17T13:55:33Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Well, she turned me into a newt! [/QUOTE] Put you in your plaice did she? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/53 "2007-03-17T20:04:15Z")
:: slaps you all in the face with a giant trout :: ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/54 "2007-03-18T01:22:12Z")
Ow. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/55 "2007-03-18T02:19:08Z")
Anybody NOT know the original that **Mindfield’s** clever post was parodying? I suspect we might have some under-30 computer geeks in the crowd who didn’t grow up with IBM punch cards and never heard of pre-graphic games like _[Adventure.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_game)_ ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/56 "2007-03-18T07:45:22Z")
[QUOTE=Musicat] Anybody NOT know the original that **Mindfield’s** clever post was parodying? I suspect we might have some under-30 computer geeks in the crowd who didn’t grow up with IBM punch cards and never heard of pre-graphic games like _[Adventure.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_game)_ [/QUOTE] I suspected it was taken from “The Hobbit” which is why I asked him if he’d played the game, Matter of fact I played the game on a Commodore 64, never could finish it and would love to find it on CD. I’ve tried but no luck ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/57 "2007-03-18T08:06:44Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] I suspected it was taken from “The Hobbit” which is why I asked him if he’d played the game, Matter of fact I played the game on a Commodore 64, never could finish it and would love to find it on CD. I’ve tried but no luck ☹ [/QUOTE] Actually, I had Infocom in mind. Somewhere between _Planetfall_ and _Nord and Bert Couldn’t Make Head or Tail of It._ I didn’t know The Hobbit was intended to be humerous, though I remember a Spectrum parody called _Bored of the Rings_. ---
**Author:** ![dawson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@dawson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dawson)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/58 "2007-03-18T13:10:09Z")
If only King Arthur was armed with a trout, he could of actually killed the Black Knight, instead of merely inflicting flesh wounds. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/59 "2007-03-18T17:28:33Z")
[QUOTE=dawson] If only King Arthur was armed with a trout, he could of actually killed the Black Knight, instead of merely inflicting flesh wounds. [/QUOTE] “You are indeed brave Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.” “Had enough?” “You stupid bastard, you haven’t got any arms left!” “Course I have.” “Look!” “What? It’s just a fish wound.” ---
**Author:** ![dawson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@dawson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dawson)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127/60 "2007-03-18T18:14:03Z")
[QUOTE=Jurph] First of all, **P.S.I.** is **p** ounds per **s** quare **i** nch (not Per Square Inch) so it doesn’t need any leading units. Second of all, psi is a pressure, not a force. “Lbs psi” is pound-pounds per square inch, which doesn’t really have a physical meaning. You must really want to give this trout victim a good pound-pounding. Cause of death is probably going to be a concussion, and the trout is going to need to be going fast enough that it can administer a concussion before splitting open. Off the top of my head (no, someone else’s, please!) I’d say a 10-kg trout swung at 5 m/s would be within the threshold for injury. [/QUOTE] On behalf of all fishmongers I have to say: Fish don’t kill people, people kill people. Stop the fishmonger hatemongering! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-can-i-hit-some-one-in-the-face-with-a-trout-without-killing-them/396127.md?page=4)