# How hard is it for guys to make friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 1, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853 "2010-03-01T13:54:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Oscalo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Oscalo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oscalo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/1 "2010-03-01T13:54:16Z")
I was watching “I Love You Man” the other night and it got me wondering about this. How hard is it for other guys to make friends. I’m a guy and I’ve found it can be somewhat tricky. Part of that is because I’ve moved fairly often over the past couple of years, never spending more than a few years in one place. But also you can’t really ask a guy out on a date like you would with a girl. You can go out for drinks after work, sure, but it’d seem kind of awkward to ask if they want to go out to dinner or catch a movie, at least in my experience. If you’re not into stereotypical “guy” activities like football or playing poker or fishing, it can be even harder. What do other guys here think? ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/2 "2010-03-01T14:10:31Z")
Extremely easy to make friends, not so easy to make solid, close friends. The same advice applies to guys and girls: find a thing you like to do and go do it. There will be people there with the same interest as you. I’m not a very friendly person, IMO, but I do like to try new hobbies and/or sports. In every one I try, I now have a circle of friends and acquaintances who have meetings, go out for drinks, get together for dinner, etc. I don’t usually do those things but if I were interested in new and closer friendships there they are. ---
**Author:** ![FordTaurusSHO94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f07891/32.png) [@FordTaurusSHO94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordTaurusSHO94)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/3 "2010-03-01T14:38:15Z")
I moved around a lot for most of my life and always found it extremely easy to make friends. I got tired of telling them bye on a regular basis, so for a few years I avoided it. When I got where I knew I would be for awhile, I made a new group of friends pretty quick. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/4 "2010-03-01T15:18:22Z")
It’s hard for both men and women to make friends after college (or the military, or anything else like that where it’s incredibly easy to make good friends.) My boyfriend’s my only close friend now - my other friends are either “work friends” or his friends. It’s not just men for whom it’s difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/5 "2010-03-01T15:28:53Z")
Hmmmmmmm, tricky one (and I had the same thought when I watched that film too). I’ve got a few male friends but only two are strong friendships and I met them through fairly un-manly methods: one was at a dance class, one was through an internet message board (!). I’ve got other male friends too but nothing very serious, and I know what you mean that beyond a drink it’s a bit tricky going out for dinner or a film or whatnot. I don’t really play sports at the moment, used to play squash and made a few friends like that but nothing beyond drinks. I was thinking about taking up rugby at one point as it’s a good team sport and I thought it would be a good way to meet some other guys but didn’t in the end. I definitely agree with the advice to find an activity that you like and then you’ll meet people through that, best way. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/6 "2010-03-01T15:32:03Z")
A guy friend of mine joined a dating site for the sole purpose of making lady friends. It confused most of them a lot that he really didn’t want to sleep with them, as he said it would ruin the friendship. In the end, he got two lady friends out of the experience. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/7 "2010-03-01T15:36:09Z")
I think it depends more on the type of person than the gender. My husband and I moved from New Zealand to England about three years ago. I am less introverted than him and have a broader range of interests. Neither of us are ‘mainstream’ people. I’m not a stereotypical women and he is not a stereotypical guy. However, I’m also able to converse well, I can make small talk and am genuinely interested in other people. My husband has quite narrow interests and doesn’t have the ‘gift of the gab’ that I do. As such, he has not really made any firm friends here whereas I have made a few friends. ---
**Author:** ![misterW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@misterW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misterW)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/8 "2010-03-03T01:50:26Z")
From what I can see, its quite a bit harder for guys to make new friends. Girls will meet someone and make a “friend date” with them right off the bat and they are both fine with that. Guys aren’t usually like that. In my experience, it is difficult to form a real friendship with a guy unless there has been some kind of bonding experience first, whether it be working together for a length of time, playing on a sports team together, getting together for some mutual hobby, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/9 "2010-03-03T02:03:17Z")
Not a problem for me. I was in a college fraternity, and thanks to rush I’m very comfortable talking to strangers of either sex. Making _good_ male friends is hard. I tend to become friends with women much more quickly than men - even more so now that I’m engaged. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/10 "2010-03-03T02:19:50Z")
It seems to be harder for men to make new friends than women. I have two sons and a husband and the way they interact with their peers is so different. When the boys sign up for their classes at school they don’t call all their friends to see who is taking what class when. When they do have a guy date to see a movie they’re much more casual about making plans, they pretty much call at the last minute. I think they’re missing a lot of the casual talking that makes a good friendship. When girls and women are doing these things there are multiple phone calls back and forth to plan and in the process they’re having enough interaction to feel a connection to the other people. My husband will complain that he doesn’t have anyone to do things with but when I suggest he call so-and-so to go golfing (because he just said he wanted to go golfing and the other man likes golfing and they’ve been before and had a good time) he will not call. Even though it is harder for everyone to make new friends as adults I do think men have a harder time. ---
**Author:** ![DJ\_Motorbike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@DJ\_Motorbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DJ_Motorbike)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/11 "2010-03-03T07:08:16Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > When girls and women are doing these things there are multiple phone calls back and forth to plan and in the process they’re having enough interaction to feel a connection to the other people. Whats wrong with: “Dude, you wanna go see X-Men.” “Sure, what time.” “Next show’s at 7.” “Cool, meet you there.” “Later.” There is a very good reason that phone calls between men are concise. Talking on the phone is almost intimate. It’s like whispering into each others ears. I don’t have too much trouble making friends with other men. I just don’t normally have much desire to put forth the effort to become good close friends. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-hard-is-it-for-guys-to-make-friends/530853/12 "2010-03-03T07:52:50Z")
While girls can make friends more easily, I’ve never seen two girls bond as well as some of the more stronger man friendships I’ve witnessed. Maybe it’s that I watch too many movies or something, but female friendships seem to be more fragile than guy friendships. My working theory is that it’s because man friendships are less complicated. And men don’t go out to hang out with each other. They go out with other guys to do things that are fun with more people around. It’s never, “hey Jim I haven’t seen you in so long, we have to do something.” There is usually an event in mind first, and the invites come as an after thought. Unless the guys are really good friends, then they will do everything together.