# How I completely and totally shoot it all to hell again: The Bonsai Girl Incident. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 26, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766 "2007-02-26T20:26:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/21 "2007-02-27T00:36:51Z")
I just have to say, I goddamn LOVE threads like this. Reason enough to subscribe. Keep 'em coming. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/22 "2007-02-27T00:43:58Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] No kidding, dude. I don’t really like myself a whole lot right now. I’m just honestly hoping the cops don’t show up on my doorstep. I’m not going within a mile’s reach of that poor cock te… excuse me, that poor girl again, and that’s for her good more than mine. As I said, I’m not pretending to be the good guy in this story. Not asking for sympathty. I \*am \*creepy. I acted like one sick puppy, and I’m not liking myself for it. Let the public spanking commence when you’re ready. In fact, as of right now, I’m not sure I should even talk to a girl again at all. Seeing that I’m capable of this kind of shit, it’s probably not worth the risk. \* Last edited by Peak Banana : Today at 07:01 PM. Reason: added more self-abuse\* [/QUOTE] A little more self-abuse and maybe you wouldn’t be in this pre dickament. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/23 "2007-02-27T00:48:09Z")
[QUOTE=Key Lime Guy] I just have to say, I goddamn LOVE threads like this. Reason enough to subscribe. Keep 'em coming. [/QUOTE] Ouch. The smell of sarcasm in the morning. Sorry. ☹ I know I’m pathetic. I know I probably shouldn’t be using the board as my private (or rather public) shrink. I know it’s not the first time I do it. I know I probably come off as some kind of attention whore. I suppose I \*am \*some kind of attention whore. But heck… you know what? It does actually help. I need to sort this kind of shit out in my mind, and somehow, this works. I acted like a crazy asshole towards a reasonably innocent girl who never promised me anything. Because of that, I don’t like myself. I clearly have some pretty bad issues. I feel that I need to understand them. This helps somehow. Still, I guess I should probably go answer some helpful answer to something in GQ to improve my signal to noise ratio a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/24 "2007-02-27T00:49:45Z")
Whatever helps, fella. I don’t mind playing town shrink. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/25 "2007-02-27T00:57:04Z")
Every once in a while I start to worry that all men are like you, and it makes me feel ill. The idea of men who are so shallow as to be interested in nothing other than physical appearance and putting their penis into someone is so common as to be cliché, which is what makes it seem like it has some truth to it. Then I have to remind myself that there are indeed men out there with some depth to them. No offense, but while you’re better off without her since she just caused you frustration, she sort of dodged a bullet by getting away from you as well. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/26 "2007-02-27T01:28:48Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] The idea of men who are so shallow as to be interested in nothing other than physical appearance and putting their penis into someone [/QUOTE] Heck. It’s disturbing, but you may actually be right. It would go some way towards explaining [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=366887) shit from way back when. ☹ Well. At least I have feelings when it comes to [bugs](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=382381). Yeah, [bugs](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=378733). ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/27 "2007-02-27T01:37:43Z")
Am I the only one who thinks the girl is more at fault here? She’s not some innocent babe who really was confused about whether or not she cared for him…she was enjoying the power trip. There had to be some payoff for her, though…did you spot her a twenty now and again, or buy her a carton? I wish I could remember the title of a book I was reading that sounds so much like this girl…beautiful, but living a marginal life and using everyone. The main character was besotted with her (but she was giving him sex) and the thing I remember most is that she lived in an absolute pigsty…filthy sheets, having to shove food containers off the bed…but as much as it disgusted the main character, he was obsessed. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/28 "2007-02-27T01:45:35Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] Every once in a while I start to worry that all men are like you, and it makes me feel ill. [/QUOTE] Heck. Thanks, **OpalCat**. That’s the kind of stuff your friends usually don’t tell you to your face. Getting some kind of lightbulb moment here, I guess. A large amount, a \*disturbing \*amount even, of my mental activity actually does revolve around who I put my penis into and with what frequency. I’m putting that one on the top of my list of issues I need to deal with. I know, there should be a lot more to interaction with other humans than just bonking them. Seems basic, once you point it out, yeah? :smack: Very disturbing insight: if I had bonked Bonsai Girl… would I simply have lost interest in her and sent her on her merry way? I’d like to think I wouldn’t have. But I suppose that I’d be flattering myself. I think there’s a good chance that I would have. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/29 "2007-02-27T01:46:45Z")
[QUOTE=kittenblue] Am I the only one who thinks the girl is more at fault here? She’s not some innocent babe who really was confused about whether or not she cared for him…she was enjoying the power trip. There had to be some payoff for her, though…did you spot her a twenty now and again, or buy her a carton? I wish I could remember the title of a book I was reading that sounds so much like this girl…beautiful, but living a marginal life and using everyone. The main character was besotted with her (but she was giving him sex) and the thing I remember most is that she lived in an absolute pigsty…filthy sheets, having to shove food containers off the bed…but as much as it disgusted the main character, he was obsessed. [/QUOTE] It’s also an incomplete story. I’m inclined to think that they’re both pretty damned culpable. \*\* Peak\*\* got too attached and wanted too much, but **Bonsai** certainly didn’t stop what was going on either. Long story short, it was a match made in anarchy and the only thing good out of this is that it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/30 "2007-02-27T01:48:17Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] Every once in a while I start to worry that all men are like you, and it makes me feel ill. The idea of men who are so shallow as to be interested in nothing other than physical appearance and putting their penis into someone is so common as to be cliché, which is what makes it seem like it has some truth to it. Then I have to remind myself that there are indeed men out there with some depth to them. No offense, but while you’re better off without her since she just caused you frustration, she sort of dodged a bullet by getting away from you as well. [/QUOTE] Additionally, there’s no need to limit it to “all men”. It can be expanded to be “all people” if we take the penis out of it. People tend to be self-serving. This is just a wonderful tale of two self-serving people colliding. Like the story of the very pretty girl that knows it milking a guy out of his resources isn’t cliche? It may even be the dark underbelly that people grapple with, but these two ended up exposing and dancing around. I think that the most disturbing part of it is that we can all pick bits and pieces of **Peak** ’s story, or imagine parts form\*\* Bonsai\*\*'s that we agree with on some level. We get to pick through the wreck. We get to be the arbiters of ickiness. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/31 "2007-02-27T01:49:13Z")
Okay, **Peak Banana,** you may be creepy and obsessive, but your thread got me. I read the whole thing. So lock yourself up, take all that emotion and fine writing, fictionalize like mad and raise the stakes, and turn it into a screenplay. This way you win twice–once in the screenplay, and then again in real life when you get your $60million check and your Oscar and all your exes are wondering why they didn’t treat you better. Remember, nothing bad can happen to a writer. It’s all material! The worse the better! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/32 "2007-02-27T01:56:08Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] Every once in a while I start to worry that all men are like you, and it makes me feel ill. The idea of men who are so shallow as to be interested in nothing other than physical appearance and putting their penis into someone is so common as to be cliché, which is what makes it seem like it has some truth to it. Then I have to remind myself that there are indeed men out there with some depth to them. No offense, but while you’re better off without her since she just caused you frustration, she sort of dodged a bullet by getting away from you as well. [/QUOTE] Wow- I don’t feel the same way about the OP at all. I think he had some very natural biologic urges, and the girl’s making out with him in the manner that she did exacerbated those urges, to the point where the poor guy wasn’t thinking clearly. Sure, he went off his rocker at the end, there, what with the messages, but haven’t we all been to that point in anger, even if we never give into it and always manage to control ourselves ? The OP just gave in to it this time, which doesn’t make him evil, just human. **Peak Banana** , I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. It does sound like a messed-up situation, but, even though I’m a female, I imagine a few months of very intense junk-grabbing sessions with someone that I thought I was in love with, with no physical gratification in sight, might cause me to temporarily lost sanity, too. I’m not condoning calling ex-partners and screaming things maniacally, but I can understand that crazy lust can make people do crazy things. Learn from this and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/33 "2007-02-27T02:03:09Z")
One question (and pleasepleaseplease let my instincts be wrong here) – why the nickname ‘Bonsai Girl’? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/34 "2007-02-27T02:11:23Z")
[QUOTE=kittenblue] There had to be some payoff for her, though…did you spot her a twenty now and again, or buy her a carton? [/QUOTE] Good reasoning, and it probably explains a whole lot of these kind of situations. However, not this one, I’m afraid. Sadly, she got hardly anything from me at all. Well, I bought her coffee, and she did get my old iPod, but it’s not like she asked for it, and frankly, I doubt anyone would be into this kind of shit for just some double mocca latte and used consumer electronics. Heck, no, the only thing she got from me, apart from crazy shit, was… my attention? And she realized that the only way to keep that for a while was by teasing my junk? Flattering, but it violates the Copernican principle - am I really \*that \*special to her? I strongly doubt it, to put it mildly. Perhaps she really didn’t mean any harm at all. Maybe she was just a bit dumb. Or short on experience. When I asked her just what the heck she was she was thinking, she just said “I guess I wasn’t.” Maybe she just wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/35 "2007-02-27T02:14:03Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] One question (and pleasepleaseplease let my instincts be wrong here) – why the nickname ‘Bonsai Girl’? [/QUOTE] Don’t ask! Don’t ask! Sometimes it’s better to not know!!! She wasn’t thinking? Shit, well, I suppose it could be summed up just like that? ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/36 "2007-02-27T02:14:42Z")
yeah… I’m gonna have to disagree a bit with **Opalcat** on this one. Namely that while yes, it was lust, maybe not love, it was not entirely the OPs fault. There’s not a lot of problem with just following your lust sometimes (_sometimes_) but it definitely got out of hand. The thing is, it got out of hand in both directions. Both parties are at fault, since she was clearly in it for something (possibly the OP is right, she simply liked toying with him) and was completely unclear and frustrating in her intentions despite the fact that all of his cards were on the table. I might be busting out with a thread very much like this soon…only of a much more emotional nature… I’m praying that the upcoming week will resolve the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/37 "2007-02-27T02:15:57Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] Ouch. The smell of sarcasm in the morning. Sorry. ☹ I know I’m pathetic. [/QUOTE] No! I was serious. These are my favorite kinds of threads. I guess there should be a sincere emoticon. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/38 "2007-02-27T02:17:42Z")
All I keep thinking is that you should change your name to **Pique Banana**. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/39 "2007-02-27T02:37:00Z")
“Women…can’t live with 'em, can’t shoot em.” And while I have a certain amount of sympathy for you, assuming that your tellng of the story is somewhere around reality, I have to agree with **OpalCat** ; if you can’t bury this thing and move on without leaving phone message and blood trails, you need to hit the Xanax harder. Perhaps you can console [thread=408960]this guy[/thread] with all that he’s missing out on. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766/40 "2007-02-27T02:59:06Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Additionally, there’s no need to limit it to “all men”. [/QUOTE] I didn’t mean to imply that only men can be like this. My statement was that sometimes I get worried that all men are like that. Because I sometimes question men’s motives. I personally don’t get worried if women are like that because I’m not questioning my female friends’ reasons for being around me, and wondering if it’s just for the sex, you know? I also don’t feel that the girl in this story is blameless by any means. I was simply putting forth the idea that this is a recurring worry for me, the idea that someone is interested in you for completely superficial reasons, and doesn’t care about you as a person. It is a recurring worry primarily because it’s a stereotype that is emphasized so often in our society and so we are led to expect it. My reaction would have been **totally different** if the OP had just been interested in having a sexual relationship with the girl. I know people have physical urges and needs, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with a shallow, purely sexual relationship if that is what both sides want. But instead he talked about _loving_ her. Wanting to _marry_ her. Things like that. THAT is the stuff that made me twitch. The idea that someone could at least claim that level of desire for purely physical reasons just repulses me, personally. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-completely-and-totally-shoot-it-all-to-hell-again-the-bonsai-girl-incident/393766.md?page=3)