# How I had sex with Englebert Humperdink! "Perverse! Shocking! Doity!" says NY Times

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [May 5, 2002, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359 "2002-05-05T03:58:55Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2002, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359/21 "2002-05-07T23:49:37Z")

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She’s probably at some other message board, hinting at the soul-wrenching anguish she suffered when we were not properly somber and respectful of her “Humping Humperdink” story. She’ll start by posting six or eight threads asking why cruel people love the SDMB so much. When people point out that no one was even talking about the SDMB, she’ll shriek indignantly, and hint wildly at the horrible treatment she suffered that she doesn’t want to talk about no matter what, unless someone insists or at least wonders what the big deal is all about.

She won’t actually tell anyone what happened, but it’ll be obvious to anyone willing to read between the lines.

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**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2002, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359/22 "2002-05-08T02:04:27Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JonScribe \*  
> \*\*But … did you keep your eyebrows and lashes? \*\*

PShaw! She only shaves off your eyebrows if there’s nothing in your wallet, or if you have a cheap wristwatch. That’s only fair. Besides they grow back in a few weeks.

Um, so I’ve been told. I mean…

:eek:

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**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359/23 "2002-05-08T02:55:27Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> The One Real Truth® has been revealed. It is almost as if the neurotranmitters pulsing through my synapses have been replaced with Brut and Old Spice and therein lies the key to enlightenment.

This is a sig waiting to happen or a lyric to some Bob Dylan song waiting to happen.

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**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2002, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359/24 "2002-05-08T04:40:01Z")

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You know I agree.

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**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2002, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-i-had-sex-with-englebert-humperdink-perverse-shocking-doity-says-ny-times/107359/25 "2002-05-08T05:16:09Z")

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So **Fenris** , what happened between you and Jerry Garcia? I gots to know!

😃

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