# How inappropriately can you answer this interview question? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107 "2006-04-18T01:57:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/21 "2006-04-18T10:54:18Z")
I don’t know its name, but it has wings, so it can fly away from here. And fricking big teeth and claws, so it gets some modicum of respect. And it’s mythical, so it doesn’t have to earn a goddamn salary. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Crandolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Crandolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crandolph)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/22 "2006-04-18T11:37:59Z")
> [@Harriet the Spry](#): > > A dog, because I’d like to hump your leg. Oh you can do that already… ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/23 "2006-04-18T11:46:13Z")
As an Aussie I suppose I’d have to be a wombat. You know, eats roots and leaves. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/24 "2006-04-18T12:32:31Z")
A dung beetle, so I can take a load of shit. Oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/25 "2006-04-18T12:36:02Z")
> [@neofishboy](#): > > “The kind that eats out of your hand until, without warning or provocation, it turns and kills you. That kind.” This is really my favorite one so far. I once filled out an application to work at a shoe store. There was a question, “Why do you want to work at Whateveritwas Shoes?” I was a little irritable from filling out applications all day and having to come up with answers for such stupid questions, so I put, “Because Al Bundy is my idol.” I don’t know why they never called. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/26 "2006-04-18T14:11:05Z")
A giant Sloar. You see during the Rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large and moving Torb! Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you! _sniffs lampshade_ ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/27 "2006-04-18T14:28:52Z")
So…who YOU gonna call? 🆒 What kind of animal would Inigo be? and why? I’d wanna be…a [RIPPER](http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/t/tankgirl.htm#Booga)! (do they count?) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/28 "2006-04-18T14:30:25Z")
Sorry…the “why” part wouldn’t get answered because I’d start hopping around the room maiming the interviewer and looking for beers. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/29 "2006-04-18T14:58:28Z")
“I’d be a [candiru](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/000519.html).” Either the interviewer would know what it was and the interview would almost certainly end, or it would end halfway through my very graphic description of the beast. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/30 "2006-04-18T15:04:25Z")
"Whoaaa, dude! You drop acid, too? Man, I’m always thinking of wierd shit like that when I’m on a trip … " ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/31 "2006-04-18T15:12:31Z")
“Can I pick from the _Monster Manual_?” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/32 "2006-04-18T15:20:06Z")
A mountain lion, because they’re currently on the top of the food chain. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/33 "2006-04-18T15:31:08Z")
If I could be any animal, I’d be a liger. I mean, my resume includes references to my bostaff skills and my computer hacking skills. Tripler C’mon! Gohhhhd! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/34 "2006-04-18T15:47:49Z")
I’d want to be a “Ravenous Bug-Bladder Beast of Traal” because I already assume that if you can’t see me then I can’t see you. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/35 "2006-04-18T15:51:08Z")
**Answer Option One** Interviewer: “What animal would you like to be?” Me: _\_ “… An okapi.” _\_ Interviewer: “Um, why?” Me: _\_ “Because it’s an okapi.” Interviewer: “…Uh, okay.” Me: “You know what an okapi is, right?” Interviewer: “Er, no.” Me: _\_ “So you’re only pretending to know about animals when you ask questions pertaining to them? Sounds like I’m eminently qualified to work here. What kind of RDBMS would you like to be? Which ISO9000 regulation would you like to wear as a belt? What office-supply vendor do you want to tickle your happy sack? See, it isn’t so hard. When do I start?” _\_ \_\_ **Answer Option Two** Interviewer: “What animal would you like to be?” _\_ _\_ Me: “That squirrel! Right there! That’s the fucker! Him! Him! Him!” _\_ ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/36 "2006-04-18T16:01:02Z")
I’d like to be a poisonous trap door spider. You know, the kind that builds pits for its prey to fall into and then stings them so that they’re paralyzed but still alive then lays their eggs in the paralyzed prey so that the kids have a little something to eat when they hatch. Its all good: the trapping, the stinging, watching my kids hatch and grow. I think that would be so cool…and all of those traits are ones that would help me get ahead in business, wouldn"t they? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/37 "2006-04-18T16:05:13Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > “That squirrel! Right there! That’s the fucker! Him! Him! Him!” For some strange reason I found that inordinately funny. Maybe because, as a cyclist, I really hate the furry little tree rats. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/38 "2006-04-18T16:35:11Z")
> [@Snowboarder Bo](#): > > Q: If you could be any animal, what would you be? > A: I’d be a muppet that played the drums, that what I’d be. 😃 I think **Snowboarder Bo** got the job. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/39 "2006-04-18T16:52:39Z")
> [@elelle](#): > > Whadda good question! > > “Well, sir, that would be the Octopus. I’d have all those arms for multi-tasking, sure would get a lot alot of work done! Plus, if anyone pissed me off, I’d simply flash color patterns on my skin to let them know my mental state, and if it got too bad, I’d squirt a huge cloud of ink at them and squish my fluid body into the nearest cranny in my cubicle until it blew over. Oh, and they have muy cool eyes, suction cups on their arms and a beak mouth that can tear the shit out of… What’s that? OK then, I’ll be waiting for your call…” That’s really cool, except octopi don’t squirt ink. You’re thinking of a squid. Although an octopus/squid hybrid would be pretty cool. But we can’t have those until we get GWB to allow funding for animal hybrids. Let’s go march on DC right now! I want my octosquid! ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/40 "2006-04-18T17:24:52Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > A sheep, because I would LOVE to have sex with a sheep, but they keep running away from me! And here I thought you were flirting with **Hal**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107.md?page=3)