# How inappropriately can you answer this interview question? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107 "2006-04-18T01:57:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/41 "2006-04-18T17:30:20Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > “Can I pick from the _Monster Manual_?” You’re hired! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/42 "2006-04-18T17:36:09Z")
An ornery, permanently pissed off chihuahua that snaps at, barks at and bites anybody who comes near me. Tu quiero Taco Bell? ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/43 "2006-04-18T17:49:11Z")
I think I would be a [civet](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civet). After years of rich bastards scraping my asshole raw I could finally take my revenge. (guess where that $300 per oz coffee you’re drinking came from) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/44 "2006-04-18T20:44:55Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > \ > **Answer Option Two** > > Interviewer: “What animal would you like to be?” > > _\_ > > _\_ > > Me: “That squirrel! Right there! That’s the fucker! Him! Him! Him!” > > _\_ I also found this inordinately funny. I like the part about his eye wandering about (not his eye **s** ). That makes it so much more realistic. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/45 "2006-04-18T20:53:45Z")
“I think I’d be a human. I’d be interesting to see what the other side feels like.” ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/46 "2006-04-18T21:00:22Z")
This is easy. A star-bellied sneech. Duh. Or maybe a [pangolin](http://www.awf.org/wildlives/178). I mean, who wouldn’t wanna be a pangolin. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/47 "2006-04-18T21:11:33Z")
“Well, Sir, I wouldn’t want to be a dog - I can aready lick my own balls. Wanna see?” mm ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/48 "2006-04-18T21:16:23Z")
Jump up onto the desk and start making monkey noises, start throwing papers all over the room, throw things at people over the cubicle walls, and generally make a nuisance of yourself. Sit back down, make eye contact, smile engagingly, and say, “I’m sorry; what was the question again?” ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/49 "2006-04-18T22:22:32Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > That’s really cool, except octopi don’t squirt ink. You’re thinking of a squid. Although an octopus/squid hybrid would be pretty cool. But we can’t have those until we get GWB to allow funding for animal hybrids. Let’s go march on DC right now! I want my octosquid! Octpi [do too have ink](http://www.tonmo.com/articles/octopusink.php) ,or most do, the deep sea ones have let their well run dry. [Here’s](http://encarta.msn.com/media_461532742_761564551_-1_1/Octopus_Ejecting_Ink.html) a muy cool photo of one in action. I did learn in looking for a cite, that the ink also contains an eye irritant. One more handy skill to have around the office! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/50 "2006-04-19T03:02:28Z")
A crab. Not the ocean kind. A crab _louse_. For you see, then I would not need look afar for bliss. I would be welcomed into the thriving community that infests you even now! I would be just another happy member of the herd that forever dwells in your pubic hair! “Oh” you say “I shall shave and get that shampoo from the doctor.” Rubbish! For one, you are far too lazy to go through the procedure of cleaning and laundering everything in your apartment. For another, with your massive libido and low standards, you know it would be days at most before you are re-infected. Yes, a crab. I can hear them calling, calling, gently from your underwear. Ahh, too think of the bliss of always being that close to you- no longer needing to watch you through binoculars or comb through your garbage to feel close to you. To sum up, a crab. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/51 "2006-04-19T12:16:50Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > I’d want to be a “Ravenous Bug-Bladder Beast of Traal” because I already assume that if you can’t see me then I can’t see you. Or if I can’t be that then I’d like to be a Jackelope. ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/52 "2006-04-19T21:36:54Z")
I always wanted to be a goose. But recently I found out that they might be greasy. So now I don’t know anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/53 "2006-04-19T22:07:19Z")
> [@](#): > > A crab. > > Not the ocean kind. > > A crab louse. > > For you see, then I would not need look afar for bliss. I would be welcomed into the thriving community that infests you even now! I would be just another happy member of the herd that forever dwells in your pubic hair! “Oh” you say “I shall shave and get that shampoo from the doctor.” Rubbish! For one, you are far too lazy to go through the procedure of cleaning and laundering everything in your apartment. For another, with your massive libido and low standards, you know it would be days at most before you are re-infected. Yes, a crab. I can hear them calling, calling, gently from your underwear. Ahh, too think of the bliss of always being that close to you- no longer needing to watch you through binoculars or comb through your garbage to feel close to you. > > To sum up, a crab. Bwahahaha! This contest is over! Give that man the five thousand dollars! -Crying With Laughter Clam ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/54 "2006-04-19T23:23:54Z")
Not even in the same league with that answer…'scuse me while I wipe off my keyboard… But anyway, my poor pick would be a Diaper Boss. Full of shit and all over your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/55 "2006-04-20T00:20:00Z")
“Calling, calling gently from your underwear.” There are indeed some world-class writers on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/56 "2006-04-21T16:11:37Z")
A snake. On a plane. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/57 "2006-04-21T16:18:59Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > A crab. > > Not the ocean kind. > > A crab _louse_. > > For you see, then I would not need look afar for bliss. I would be welcomed into the thriving community that infests you even now! I would be just another happy member of the herd that forever dwells in your pubic hair! “Oh” you say “I shall shave and get that shampoo from the doctor.” Rubbish! For one, you are far too lazy to go through the procedure of cleaning and laundering everything in your apartment. For another, with your massive libido and low standards, you know it would be days at most before you are re-infected. Yes, a crab. I can hear them calling, calling, gently from your underwear. Ahh, too think of the bliss of always being that close to you- no longer needing to watch you through binoculars or comb through your garbage to feel close to you. > > To sum up, a crab. The only thing that would make this any funnier is to start singing: Why do crabs cause itching there And make you scratch in your pubic hair? Just like me, they long to be Close to you ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/58 "2006-04-21T19:16:00Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Yes, and the element of surprise since the lake is in Davis, CA. How often do you get to see a dingo out here?! A beagle enhanced with radioactive powers that lurks in the depths of Lake Spafford, waiting for the right moment to snatch a wandering child who gets close to the water to pet the duckies – could easily be mistaken for a dingo. Incidentally the animal I might want to be. My other answer : So you’re saying I needn’t have the brain of a human, or even have opposable thumbs, to do this job? ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/59 "2006-04-21T20:13:56Z")
A shark with a friggin’ laser beam attached to my head. ---
**Author:** ![Tierce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@Tierce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tierce)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107/60 "2006-04-22T01:45:12Z")
A crab. Not the pubic kind, the ocean kind. Cause when the hopelessness of this job devours me, I want melted butter to be involved. [hijack]Why are manhole covers round? Because manholes are round! If the covers weren’t round, they wouldn’t fit![/hijack] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-inappropriately-can-you-answer-this-interview-question/353107.md?page=4)