# How is complimenting a woman's body misogynistic? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2012, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407 "2012-10-31T08:37:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/21 "2012-10-31T16:00:54Z")
It sounds like a perv get his rocks off talking dirty to a woman. I really wish that I didn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/22 "2012-10-31T16:22:19Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > Women’s bodies are not public property to be commented on by passers-by. That, right there. My body is in public because I walk around in it. It’s not here for your judgement and viewing pleasure. I get plenty of judgement from other sources already. By contrast, my distinctive and cool hat is there to look good (among other reasons), so if you want to compliment that it’s appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/23 "2012-10-31T16:33:06Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > No; men are accustomed to being regarded as subhuman _regardless_ of their appearance. > > Pretty much. The kind of people who look at women as “pieces of meat”, look at men as walking wallets. I think that’s part of why men aren’t bothered nearly as much by a comment like “nice butt”; it’s an indication that you are paying attention to _them_, the flesh and blood human and not their bank account. Are you a Men’s Rights Activist? ---
**Author:** ![Saraya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Saraya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saraya)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/24 "2012-10-31T17:14:19Z")
> [@grude](#): > > “Nice tits” > > “You pig, I’m more than a piece of meat!” > > ^Goofy fictional exchange. > > Well sure but you do have nice tits, no one said anything about anything else. You could be a world class expert in xray crystallography who you know has nice tits. > > If a man was told hey nice cock, would that be implying a bunch of other stuff? In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. This falls under the same canopy as sexual harassment in the workplace. Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ Same old bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/25 "2012-10-31T17:20:03Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. > > This falls under the same canopy as sexual harassment in the workplace. > > Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. > They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ > > Same old bullshit. Outlier: Actually, I’m not secretly happy about it when someone comments on my appearance before my personality, character, or intelligence. I’m disappointed that that’s all I am to that person. Just a pretty, outer shell, with nothing inside. Bums me out when I do find the person attractive and I realize, “Hm, he doesn’t like me for me. I could be a raging asshole, but he’d still bang me 'cause he’s attracted to some random body part. Fuck this, I’m out.” Yeah, I know people are judged by their appearances. And pretty people get an advantage in life. Whatever, I’m still disappointed to learn that someone I thought was a really great person turns out to be shallow and superficial. So, for me, and apparently _only_ me, it’s a total turnoff. One data point does not a trend make, YMMV, etc. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/26 "2012-10-31T17:25:37Z")
It’s all about context. I imagine if the world was made of 50% gay men, and you happen to have a cute tush. Now, the first few times someone yelled “Nice butt!” at you, it might be flattering. And now and then it is nice to hear you have a nice bod. But you don’t want to hear it at work. You don’t want to hear it when you are running errands, trying to buy stuff, walking to work, etc. Sometimes you are trying to get stuff done and you really don’t want to be bothered with other people’s appraisal of your body. You definitely don’t want to hear it when you are alone with someone who could physically overpower you, or from someone with some kind of social power over your job, money, career, schooling or family. That’s scary. You don’t want to hear it when you most definitely are NOT looking good- when you are waiting in line red-nosed and sniffly at the pharmacy, or sweaty and gross from a walk in the sun, or all bundled up in the cold. That’s embarrassing, and that evokes the “piece of meat” feeling because it’s not even about you or even how you look, but rather a reminder that to some people you are above all a sexual object. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/27 "2012-10-31T17:30:56Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. Uh… no. I’ve been a woman all my life and outside of sexual partners in private circumstances I have NEVER been happy about comments along the lines of “nice tits”. I also know a lot of women and while there might be a very, very few along those lines that vast majority are NOT happy about getting this from acquaintances, much less total strangers. > [@](#): > > Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. > They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ Again, this is not true. Even when I’m working with my \*husband \*I want the comments on the job to be job-focused, not stuff more appropriate for the bedroom. Then again, I work with power tools and other things potentially hazardous if your mind wanders. Maybe you work in an environment where it doesn’t matter if people are thinking of getting their rocks off instead of doing actual work. > [@](#): > > Same old bullshit. Yes, indeed, your post is the same old bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/28 "2012-10-31T17:33:50Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. > > This falls under the same canopy as sexual harassment in the workplace. > > Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. > They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ > > Same old bullshit. Same thing for a guy. Cute female intern says “Hey, why don’t we go in the bathroom and I’ll give you a blowjob”= AWESOME! Bragging rights, possible action. Tubby aging male boss says “Hey, why don’t we go to the bathroom and I’ll give you a blowjob”= Ewwwwww! Lawsuit, possible violence. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/29 "2012-10-31T17:36:51Z")
**Saraya** : no. Outside of the bedroom or a relationship, those comments are rude, agressive, and classless. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/30 "2012-10-31T17:43:57Z")
Where does “gee, you’re tall” fall on the creepy scale? or “you have the greenest eyes I’ve seen all week”? ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/31 "2012-10-31T17:44:18Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. Wow, you know what women are thinking better than they do? You should go talk to the Randi Foundation and collect a prize for your supernatural powers. Really, dude, go walk a mile in the other person’s shoes before you dismiss their complaints. Usually when a group of people stand up and say ‘hey, there is a systemic problem here’, there really is a systemic problem. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/32 "2012-10-31T17:55:39Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Where does “gee, you’re tall” fall on the creepy scale? or “you have the greenest eyes I’ve seen all week”? No brainer. If you would give the compliment in the presence of your mother or hers, go for it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/33 "2012-10-31T17:58:36Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. > > This falls under the same canopy as sexual harassment in the workplace. > > Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. > They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ > > Same old bullshit. So you say it to women? I hate this bullshit anyway, this implication that all of us women are a hive mind and we all think alike. Guess what, my friend? We’re all _people_. Some people like it when others comment on their personal appearance. Some only like it if it’s a hot person. Some people don’t care. Some - nearly all - people care about context. It’s very, very different to go to a Ren Faire, say, and see a woman with a dress down to there. Someone might tell her “nice tits” and she might take it as a compliment. After all, she is advertising them. Then again, she may not. And it is totally different to be presenting at a corporate position and have some douchnozzle say “nice tits”. Now they have just devalued the woman to nothing more than a piece of her body. Not her presentation, not the fact that she is a successful corporate woman, or any of her other accomplishments, just her tits. And I for one could have fucking Jude Law come up to me and tell me “Nice tits!” And I would be appalled by his lack of class and his demeanor. I wouldn’t care at that point that I found him drop-dead gorgeous. He actually would lose a lot of appeal to me. Men, once again, women are not a motherfucking monolithic entity. Just like men are not. Neither is poetry or art. I mean, you wouldn’t go around like a dumbass drooling and saying “I like art…duh” would you? You like specific pieces or styles. Maybe you like specific forms of poetry. Women are the same! We’re not all cut from the same fucking piece of fabric! * * * “Gee you’re tall” or the green eyes comments aren’t creepy, but the tall one has got to get boring to tall people. I mean, they know they’re tall. They’ve been told all their lives. The green eyes one almost comes off as a compliment “The greenest eyes I’ve seen all week”. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/34 "2012-10-31T18:00:02Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Not that anyone has ever shouted “nice tits” at me\*, but comments like that simply reduce the person down to a body part. It’s dehumanizing. Especially if it’s the _only_ thing you have to say that’s positive. Speaking as someone who has had some variation of “nice tits!” shouted at her for most of her adult life, you sum it up perfectly. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/35 "2012-10-31T18:10:37Z")
This one’s too easy, socially. 1. Using the word “tits” implies a strong sexual remark. 2. Women’s breasts are a secondary sexual attribute. Even going there, casually or not, is jumping into the sexual side of the pool. 3. Compliment her clothes, hair, shoes, etc. is usually fine, but stray to any actual body part, and your flirting it up a bit. Stray to a sexual body part, brace yourself. 4. When in doubt, keep it to yourself. Otherwise, you come across looking like a giant, walking boner. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/36 "2012-10-31T19:29:28Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I hate this bullshit anyway, this implication that all of us women are a hive mind and we all think alike. Guess what, my friend? We’re all _people_. Part of the problem is also there are men out there who just can NOT believe that women think about these things _differently_ - differently as a group, and differently as individuals. I am well aware that there are men who fantasize about women who are always horny, who are always thinking about sex, and who are constantly preoccupied with “scoring”. That’s fine - _as long as they know it’s fantasy_. That is NOT the normal mental state of any woman I’ve ever known. There are also the mention who view women only as walking sex toys and the men who regard them as sexual vending machines (insert proper chat-up line=sexual intercourse). It gets tiresome. And worse. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/37 "2012-10-31T19:38:10Z")
Besides, these same men often try to play innocent, but the fact is, the men who shout NICE TITS! are also usually the men that get aggressive and bossy when you don’t respond. What’s wrong baby, can’t stand a real man? Come on baby, laugh a little. And then they get way too close and you are suddenly aware that this fucker has 100 pounds on you and way more muscle mass and none of his friends will help you - in fact, they will probably help him. And you learn, very quickly, how scary this situation is. I’m not saying it always leads to rape. I’ve been in this kind of situation before and I’ve never been raped. I don’t look back on those encounters with fondness though. I don’t think “Man, that guy was hot, and when he shouted NICE TITS! at me he got hotter.” It takes _away_ from the appeal. Men who don’t respect women are scary. Broomstick, that is the other end of the problem, the so-called “NICE GUY” that believes because he has fulfilled a checklist he is automatically entitled to fuck. And when we don’t put out, it’s because we are automatically cockteases. Are some women cockteases? Absolutely. But sometimes, we’re just not that into you. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/38 "2012-10-31T19:40:40Z")
> [@grude](#): > > If a man was told hey nice cock, would that be implying a bunch of other stuff? Besides the gay aspect (what if a gay man was hitting on you) what would you do if it were your boss, a woman? You bring her your ten page proposal on X, and she dismisses it and says “Nice ass.” Now she has completely reduced you and all of your work to your ass. Like nothing else is important. But, though we try to explain this to you, I don’t think you’ll ever really get it. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/39 "2012-10-31T20:24:01Z")
> [@Saraya](#): > > In most cases, women won’t _mind_ it as long as the person saying it is attractive (or attractive to them). > They may \*act \*shocked or give rebuttal, however they’re really/secretly happy about it. > > This falls under the same canopy as sexual harassment in the workplace. > > Women often only complain about it when the initiator isn’t interesting to them. > They find the person creepy instead of ‘hawt.’ > > Same old bullshit. Oct 2012. Yup, no shock there. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407/40 "2012-10-31T20:47:05Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Men who don’t respect women are scary. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: _The Gift of Fear_ by Gavin de Becker should be required reading for questions like this. He explains it this way: - Most men, deep in their hearts, are afraid that a particular woman might laugh at them. - Most women, deep in their hearts, are afraid that a particular man might kill them. A man who has so little respect or empathy that he thinks it’s okay to say “nice tits!” at a woman is much less likely to fuss with scruples when it comes to her feelings or her safety. Thus, most women will avoid a man who says that sort of thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-is-complimenting-a-womans-body-misogynistic/639407.md?page=3)