# how long before i am not a newbie **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 13, 2000, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197 "2000-06-13T03:39:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/21 "2000-06-13T15:39:36Z")
Actually, oldbies spring fully formed from Cecil’s skull. ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/22 "2000-06-13T16:57:23Z")
Handy typed > [@](#): > > fnord1966, as long as you have fewer posts than I, youll be a newbie. Or he has a life. ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Propski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Guy\_Propski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Propski)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/23 "2000-06-13T17:25:51Z")
You’ll be a newbie until you learn how to use the Shift key. Check the SDMB Instruction Manual; it’s on page 1,364. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/24 "2000-06-14T23:24:29Z")
Aww, can’t a guy get a break? It happened to be almost midnight where I was at, usually I am a phenominal typist, yet I still can’t spell, at least I don’t think I can. Anyways, its no fun to look everything up in a dictionary. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/25 "2000-06-15T02:28:09Z")
No, No, Grasshopper. It’s not the number of posts. It’s when an arcane and unspecified group of super-secret “regs” (aka The Illuminati) meet under a gibbous moon and decide which posters are no longer newbies. _Then_ comes the initiation ritual. Let’s just say it features whips, chains, low-fat aersol whipped cream substitute, a very peeved goat, a somewhat tattered stuffed moose schlong, writing large checks to the SDMB Illuminati, and a CD of Yanni’s Greatest Hits. **Ouch!** Quit throwing stuff! I was kidding, I was kidding! At least about the Yanni CD. Veb ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/26 "2000-06-15T02:32:20Z")
Whew! Until you corrected yourself about the Yanni CD I was clinging to Newbie status for dear life. ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/27 "2000-06-15T03:45:32Z")
I already am a memeber of the Illuminati, at least the local chapter. We don’t do too terribly much in the way of world politics, but we do arrange for the most foul smelling carnies at the Shasta District Fair. (starting this evening(maybe already started)). Honestly, the goat seemed to enjoy itself. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/28 "2000-06-16T01:16:32Z")
This post is hilarious. fnord, you’re a hoot. Welcome aboard. Oh, and you’re a newbie until I say you’re not a newbie anymore. And you haven’t been hazed yet, so you’ve got some work to do, kiddo. For your first hazing assignment, you have to find 3 of Milossarian’s threads and go flirt with someone in them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/29 "2000-06-16T01:25:35Z")
Two more days and you won’t be a newbie. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/30 "2000-06-16T01:30:17Z")
No, no, no, ultress. You have to make him _do_ something to earn his status around here. Give him a hazing assignment so we can see if he’ll cut the mustard. I said the mustard, fnord, not the cheese. Sheesh! Newbies. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/31 "2000-06-16T01:36:12Z")
Now I understand. How stupid of me. I should have realized that a challenge must be involved. Ok newbie, post a thread dedicated to ChiefScott and fill it with smilies. He loves them. He can’t ever get enough of them. Post to every one of his threads and fill your posts with smilies. You need to really suck up to him. If you do a good job, he might declare that you are a newbie no longer. ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/32 "2000-06-16T03:48:52Z")
one down check out my thread - smiley. seems like chief scott put me on his most wanted list. i dont know how to post links yet hope this dosent tick nobody off [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27682](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27682) ill keep you up to date on the milosaurian one ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/33 "2000-06-16T03:55:04Z")
**Fnord** : I am _not_ amused. XXOO, The Goat ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/34 "2000-06-16T03:56:50Z")
aww what did i do? ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/35 "2000-06-16T04:04:22Z")
ok here is my post dedicated to chiefscott [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27693](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=27693) hope its everything you hoped it would be ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/36 "2000-06-16T08:09:04Z")
don’t look now but with 6 more posts you can have your 100th post party!\* \*But you’ll still be a newbie. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/37 "2000-06-16T12:24:15Z")
fnord asks, “When will I no longer be a newbie?” UncleBeer replies, “Judging by the thread you started and linked above, you may never make it out of newbieness.” ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/38 "2000-06-16T12:33:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, and you’re a newbie until I say you’re not a newbie anymore. Well, hell! That means I’m still a newbie?!? ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/39 "2000-06-16T16:03:33Z")
The godly and wise **Beer** says > [@](#): > > Judging by the thread you started and linked above, you may never make it out of newbieness. Fuck that. He may never make it out of _puberty_. ---
**Author:** ![Gundhilde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecc23a/32.png) [@Gundhilde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundhilde)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197/40 "2000-06-16T17:04:33Z")
Sorry if I already posted this…but now I’m wondering if I’m a newbie. I’ve been around since early April 1999, read the boards at LEAST a few times a week, but just don’t post much. Am I a newbie? Or just a chronic lurker? Please tell me what my SDMB species is! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-before-i-am-not-a-newbie/22197.md?page=3)