# How long did you wait to say 'I love you'? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2010, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597 "2010-04-19T03:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incref](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@Incref](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incref)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/1 "2010-04-19T03:23:38Z")
So I have been seeing this girl for a couple of months. We met online dating at the start of the year and exchanged emails for a while, due to time constraints we didn’t meet in the flesh until February, but we immediately hit it off and started spending a great deal of time together. We decided to become exclusive in March and there is no issue referring to her as my ‘girlfriend’ we’ve met all each other’s friends, met each other’s parents (in a casual setting) and everything is going swimmingly. The fact is I am in love with this girl and I want to say ‘I love you’ but I’m worried it’s still too early. How long did you wait before telling your current (or previous) partner that you loved them? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/2 "2010-04-19T03:29:33Z")
I think it was at about 3 weeks. I don’t think there’s any specific rules on when you say it, you say it when you’re ready for your girlfriend to hear it (assuming you do love her.) I just asked him and he told me he knew within the first week, though. Awww… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/3 "2010-04-19T03:29:41Z")
I’ve told two women I loved them, who I was not related to. One turned out to be batshit insane, which I should have seen coming for about a million reasons, and the other was just a mistake. So my advice is going to be suspect… But, tell her when the time is right. ETA: And the time will be right when you feel it’s right. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/4 "2010-04-19T03:51:50Z")
If you wait long enough, she will start hinting that she wants you to say it. The time is right when you’re ready and when it seems that she is ready. That seems like a BS answer, but nobody can really answer for you, especially without knowing you two. I can’t remember when I did but longer than that. Maybe 4-6 months, I don’t know exactly. I was considering saying it for quite some time before it happened. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/5 "2010-04-19T06:50:34Z")
I said it first, in an email about six months in. He was going out of town that day, and we’d had a very nice date the night before and I was feeling mushy and missing him. I didn’t worry at all about the timing at all. I felt it, the moment was right, and the odds of him being happy and saying it back were better than the odds he’d freak out. That was all I needed. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/6 "2010-04-19T06:54:43Z")
Not long enough. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/7 "2010-04-19T07:17:20Z")
Been in love once, told her a few months in. Love is fleeting. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/8 "2010-04-19T09:05:43Z")
I had known him for awhile but only dated him for a month or so when he said it. I told him it was too soon; I didn’t say it back for another couple of months. He says he fell in love with me pretty much the instant we became romantic (vs being friends) however. So even though I thought a month was quick, he’d been delaying telling me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/9 "2010-04-19T09:38:59Z")
My hand doesn’t need to be told. For the two women that I did say this to, it was about 2-3 months into the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/10 "2010-04-19T09:42:15Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > My hand doesn’t need to be told. This post was ten times funnier before you edited it. > [@Autolycus](#): > > For the two women that I did say this to, it was about 2-3 months into the relationship. We’re all damaged goods. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/11 "2010-04-19T09:44:20Z")
Yeah, but I feel bad when I make jokes and don’t contribute to the thread at all. I just came up with another good joke too, so I’ll wait for 10-20 more replies 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/12 "2010-04-19T09:47:25Z")
That’s why I’m the master and you’re the apprentice. I don’t let silly things like relevance or contribution cloud my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Incref](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@Incref](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incref)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/13 "2010-04-19T09:50:56Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Yeah, but I feel bad when I make jokes and don’t contribute to the thread at all. I just came up with another good joke too, so I’ll wait for 10-20 more replies 😛 Oh please don’t take my post too seriously! Bring on the witty comments 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/14 "2010-04-19T09:59:27Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > That’s why I’m the master and you’re the apprentice. I don’t let silly things like relevance or contribution cloud my thoughts. Only a master of evil jokes, Melon. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/15 "2010-04-19T10:05:25Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Only a master of evil jokes, Melon. I have you now! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/16 "2010-04-19T10:25:03Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I have you now! _fires lasers_ YAHOOO!!! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/17 "2010-04-19T10:26:10Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > _fires lasers_ YAHOOO!!! WHAT?! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/18 "2010-04-19T10:32:12Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > WHAT?! You’re all clear, kid, now let’s _blow_ this thing and go home! (Goodnight!) ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/19 "2010-04-19T11:37:30Z")
It’s been 18 months and I still haven’t said it. But I move at a slower pace to most folk. I think he knows. It’s in the actions sometimes, not the words. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/20 "2010-04-19T12:01:11Z")
We’re weird, but it’s never been something we’ve said to each other (together 5 years and madly ‘in love’). I think it’s been said in passing, but never as some sort of official statement. Just seems trite. For most couples it seems to be some sort of major milestone in the relationship, but I’ve heard of people saying it the 3rd day of knowing each other or not for 6 months or a year (depending on how serious things start out I guess). Again, I’m weird, but it’s not something I want to hear early on - I like to move very slowly and don’t display a lot of emotion. I imagine it sucks to tell someone that and not get a positive response. So better to practice caution. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597.md?page=2)