# How long did you wait to say 'I love you'? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2010, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597 "2010-04-19T03:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/21 "2010-04-19T12:57:11Z")
I can’t even imagine telling someone you love them being trite. I can imagine kissy kissy wuv u baby talk bs being trite, but just saying “I love you”? My Mig told me he loved me three weeks after we started dating. It was during sex. I didn’t reply, and it made me uncomfortable because I assumed he was just saying it because he thought he was supposed to. I didn’t say it for a few more weeks because I wasn’t sure, but something sparked me to really feel love for him one day so I let him know. ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/22 "2010-04-19T12:58:33Z")
I said it two weeks after meeting him (we pretty much started to date the day we met). I never thought I’d say that to someone so quickly into a relationship and _mean_ it, but at that moment, I just…felt it. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/23 "2010-04-19T13:36:22Z")
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 8 months, and I still haven’t said it. I’m a bad example, though, since I have issues with the “L” word. I know she’s ready to say it. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/24 "2010-04-19T13:52:39Z")
I don’t think saying “i love you” is trite at _all_. Maybe if you’ve never truly been in love, I dunno. For those of you who haven’t said it 6+ months into the relationship, do you love the person and just haven’t said it, or do you not know if you love them yet? ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/25 "2010-04-19T14:06:26Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever said it first. My last ex said it 3 days after we started dating (we’d be friends for 2 years). I said it back the day after. My current boyfriend says “I like you” to me an awful lot, though. Which he said on the first date, and almost every time we’ve seen each other since. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/26 "2010-04-19T15:04:27Z")
It really depends on the relationship, but I’ve never waited so long as 8 months or two years or 14 decades or whatever. And it’s certainly not trite. (I don’t think I could ever date someone who thought it was, either.) With my last girlfriend it was on date 4. It could have easily been on date 3, but I decided to draw things out a little. I’ll never forget the look on her face when I said it. She said my timing was perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/27 "2010-04-19T16:35:05Z")
About three weeks. We were quite the match, though. He proposed after four months, and we got married after one year. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/28 "2010-04-19T17:36:20Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I can’t even imagine telling someone you love them being trite. I can imagine kissy kissy wuv u baby talk bs being trite, but just saying “I love you”? > > My Mig told me he loved me three weeks after we started dating. It was during sex. I didn’t reply, and it made me uncomfortable because I assumed he was just saying it because he thought he was supposed to. I didn’t say it for a few more weeks because I wasn’t sure, but something sparked me to really feel love for him one day so I let him know. Trite means: “hackneyed or boring from much use : not fresh or original”. I think it’s fair to regard a phrase which most people I know use multiple times per day as their only expression of affection as such. I grew up in a family where my parents told me they loved me many times daily… frankly I’m a little sick of hearing it and saying it. I’m just more about treating someone like you love them than actually saying it over and over, I guess. I don’t care what other people do -whatever makes couples feel loved and happy and close is great for them- but I’m glad my BF and I both don’t feel the need to end every conversation with ‘I love you’s’. If someone wanted that from me I would find it tiresome. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/29 "2010-04-19T17:42:27Z")
I dunno, whenever I’ve been really, deeply in love with someone, I’ve wanted to say it all the time. It just kind of bursts out of me to the point where it would actually take some real effort _not_ to say it. I tell my boyfriend I love him all the time and he tells me the same. I never get tired of hearing it from him. I think people are commenting on “trite” because it is a somewhat pejorative word. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/30 "2010-04-19T17:44:11Z")
Three days and thirteen hours after we headed back home from meeting in person for the first time. Not that anybody’s counting. _cough_ I had a strong suspicion of it before we met in person, but couldn’t really be sure until we’d spent some actual time together. After spending that time together and having some time afterward to reflect on it, it was impossible to deny. And once I knew it to be true, I couldn’t think of a good reason NOT to say it. So I said it. Now I’m just wondering when she’s going to get sick of hearing it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/31 "2010-04-19T17:50:04Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I think people are commenting on “trite” because it is a somewhat pejorative word. Yep. Saying all the time, for decade after decade, in an established relationship? I can see how some people might want to find a better way of expressing it. But we’re talking about saying it for the first time. If the first time I said it to a woman was met with a rolleyes and “That’s so trite”, I’d be out of there really fast. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/32 "2010-04-19T18:02:02Z")
Sure. That would be a nasty way to respond to someone’s declaration of love, and a solid sign that they are an asshole you’d be better off without. Of course, just because my SO and I have never used the phrase in our relationship and jointly consider it somewhat meaningless, does not mean we would or ever have shot down another person’s genuinue expression of affection with scorn and derision. Because we’re both nice people. Just a bit odd. And absolutely perfect for each other, and sickeningly in love. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/33 "2010-04-19T20:14:07Z")
not that you would ever _say_ that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/34 "2010-04-19T23:15:45Z")
I’ve only said it in a wholly romantic way once that I remember, but I was young, stupid, and in love with the idea of being in love, so I said it a lot earlier than I otherwise would have. Probably a couple months? There’s only been other woman I’ve told since then, and it took a couple years, including about two weeks at the end, when I was freaking out because she told me first. I don’t tend to use the word lightly, and tend to tell friends at the same pace as someone I’m intimate with. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/35 "2010-04-20T12:24:56Z")
I said “I love you” about 1.5 years into the relationship though we were apart for a few months recently. My girlfriend got a message from her brother and she said her brother said he loved her. I said “I love you” and she said “thanks”. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/36 "2010-04-20T12:36:00Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I said “I love you” and she said “thanks”. Ouch, brah. Bring it in, bring it in, brah, you need a hug. As a clarification on my previous post: She’d been talking randomly about how it was foolish to tell people that you loved them when you’d only known them for a short period of time- I can’t remember how it came up. I interrupted her and told her that I loved her. She had a little emotional breakdown (just like a woman, amirite?) and told me that she loved me, too. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/37 "2010-04-20T12:45:00Z")
I’d at least wait until it’s in her mouth, if not a bit longer. Anytime after that is fine. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/38 "2010-04-20T12:53:03Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > I’d at least wait until it’s in her mouth, if not a bit longer. Anytime after that is fine. Bring it in, bring it in, brah, you deserve a hug. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/39 "2010-04-20T13:07:47Z")
A girl once told me “I love you,” but I was too cool for that shit, so I just said “I know.” ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597/40 "2010-04-20T13:18:12Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > A girl once told me “I love you,” but I was too cool for that shit, so I just said “I know.” Out of curiosity, were you about to be frozen in Carbonite? If so, I think I remember you doing that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-did-you-wait-to-say-i-love-you/536597.md?page=3)