# How long does it take to go from first date to "couple"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562 "2010-08-08T00:52:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/21 "2010-08-12T11:01:49Z")
[quote] > [@dmatsch](#): > > even the best of relationships while you both feel that you’re “boyfriend and girlfriend” don’t make that verbal until after a while. Certainly not three dates. People above have said, “we just knew after the [first couple of] dates”. Yes, but when did they actually verbally say, “i’m her boyfriend” to others. It was certainly not after 3 dates Just curious…what’s the difference between thinking it and saying it? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/22 "2010-08-12T12:16:21Z")
[quote=“DivineComedienne, post:21, topic:549562”] > [@](#): > > Just curious…what’s the difference between thinking it and saying it? For a lot of people the difference is believing :). You start off thinking OMG he might be the one, by the time you say it you really believe it. I think you’ve handled it just right. As long as he’s willing to wait for you to catch up there’s nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/23 "2010-08-12T14:10:16Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > I am wary. I asked him about this, I said that I didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm, but I wasn’t sure if he was enthusiastic because someone he was attracted to had lasted more than two dates, or if was ME in particular. I mean, I know I’m fabulous 🙂 but he hasn’t known me long enough to know that. I could be anyone at this point. He said, “Well, I know that you’re intelligent and funny; I don’t need six months to find that out. And I already know you’re very attractive, that will be the same in six months. I already know that enjoy talking to you and I want to get to know you better…so yeah, it’s you in particular.” That’s a very intelligent answer. And a very good one, no slight aside. At first couple of reads, my opinion was starting to sway and it still might. However, there is a big difference between being attracted to someone for qualities and proclaiming to the world “I’m her boyfriend and she’s my girlfriend!” > [@DivineComedienne](#): > > He mentioned last night on the phone that he was not planning to date anyone else while he’s getting to know me, because he wants to see where this goes. But I am new to dating again, and I’m not sure of the difference between “I’m not dating anyone else because I’m not interested in anyone else but you” and “I’m not dating anyone else because there’s no one else around at the moment.” This is the creepy part. Actions speak louder than words. He would have best been served just to do this quietly and let you find out about it. Instant love. > [@DivineComedienne](#): > > I also find him interesting and intelligent, very sweet and thoughtful…but of course, anyone can maintain a facade for a short period of time. I’m interested in getting to know him better, but I’m not wanting to commit to being exclusive just yet. And to me, “not exclusive” means “no sex yet”. You sound like you’re smart too. That’s the best quality in a woman. [So then, what’s my problem?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=572729) You sound like you’re not doing anything wrong here. You’re going about this intelligently and cautiously. Good for you, and not in a Christian Bale kind of way. I have to admit, my opinion on this guy has changed. Sounds like he just made a faux-pas any nervous, new-relationship guy can make, including me. Talk to him about how it makes you feel. Best thing you can do I wish you all the luck. If it works out, please IM me some of that luck. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/24 "2010-08-12T14:12:21Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > Just curious…what’s the difference between thinking it and saying it? Because in a relationship it takes two to make Boyfriend/Girlfriend happen, and the other person may not be ready to hear those words yet, like you. If he would have just kept his mouth shut for another 1/2 dozen dates, you wouldn’t have been posting here. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/25 "2010-08-12T16:29:26Z")
I started a thread on the matter of taking a profile down. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12794293#post12794293](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12794293#post12794293) But speaking to your issue specifically– I see this as a red flag but not necessarily a deal-breaker. It gives you a great opportunity to judge how he deals with the situation of you both having different needs and wants. Will he push the issue or say “well, let me know when and if you’re ready.” As for me, I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months. He referred to us as a “couple” WAY before I would have done the same thing. I was slightly weirded out, but more pleased than anything. Which I guess is the difference, right? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/26 "2010-08-12T16:33:34Z")
I think we were a couple before we even had an “offiocial” date, whatever that means - he came to visit me for the weekend before anyone’s intentions, romantic or otherwise, had been declared, and by the end of Friday night, that was, well, not the case anymore. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/27 "2010-08-12T18:32:40Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > I started a thread on the matter of taking a profile down. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12794293#post12794293](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12794293#post12794293) > But speaking to your issue specifically– > > I see this as a red flag but not necessarily a deal-breaker. It gives you a great opportunity to judge how he deals with the situation of you both having different needs and wants. Will he push the issue or say “well, let me know when and if you’re ready.” > > As for me, I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months. He referred to us as a “couple” WAY before I would have done the same thing. I was slightly weirded out, but more pleased than anything. Which I guess is the difference, right? Well, he’s coming over for dinner and a movie tomorrow night, and I told him we could talk it over in person. I’m just going to be honest and tell him that I need time to get to know him better, and we can just see how it goes. I don’t have the impression that he is pressuring me to get serious; “enthusiastic” is still the best word I have to describe him. It’s actually kind of refreshing in some ways to meet a man who is demonstrative and outspoken about how he feels about me; I just want to make sure it’s legit. I’ll let you all know how it turns out. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/28 "2010-08-15T07:26:38Z")
While I know you aren’t supposed to act overeager in a relationship, I never realized it was because you might think I was insincere. I always take people at their word until they give me reason to think otherwise, and I just assumed everyone else did too. What purpose would I have for moving so fast, potentially scaring you off, if I didn’t really feel that way about you? I always thought it was because you might think I was too easily gotten, and thus might just as easily change my mind. ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/29 "2010-08-15T11:39:22Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Just because he’s taken down his Match profile doesn’t mean you have to take down yours. I agree: tell him lightly but straight-up what you’ve told us here. His response will tell you what you need to know (clingy creep vs. affectionate, or whatever). > > In fact, you can pretty much just quote yourself: > > Him: (mushy romantic stuff where he calls you his “girlfriend”) > You: Woah, buddy. Slow down a second. I mean, I like you, I enjoy your company, and I’m interested in seeing if anything develops. I don’t want to dampen your enthusiasm for me, but I feel like you’re 10 steps ahead of me, after just a week. > Him: (remains to be seen) UPDATE: Well, he came over on Friday night and we had pretty much this conversation you suggested above, **purplehorseshoe**. He said that he’s going into this as an optimist that it will work out, so he’s behaving in that vein. I told him that I am going into it as a realist, that it might work out and it might not; I’m still evaluating the potential (where he already sees the potential). He said that he is in “for the long haul” and the only way he would change his mind is if I pushed him away intentionally. I told him that I am taking it at my own pace, and he could drive me away if he doesn’t allow me to do that. So we agreed to disagree on this point; I’m allowing him to be enthusiastic without him requiring me to equal his enthusiasm, he says he’s willing to be patient as I go slowly until my enthusiasm may grow to match his down the road. I think it remains to be seen over the next weeks/months whether he can maintain that patience and/or I can comfortably deal with his enthusiasm without getting freaked out by it. And of course, another option would be that it just doesn’t work out for some other reason. ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562/30 "2010-08-15T11:48:42Z")
I missed the edit window; but typing the update below made me think…how do you all handle these types of “agree to disagree” issues? Can g-you really agree to have different opinions about things, or is there still resentment under the surface? Are you truly “agreeing to disagree” or simply sweeping it under the rug, only to have it come out again later? Anybody have anecdotes about these types of things (not necessarily in relationships)? Should this be a new thread? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-does-it-take-to-go-from-first-date-to-couple/549562.md?page=1)