# How long have I been married? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 10, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829 "2011-02-10T00:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DWSKAMS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b3f665/32.png) [@DWSKAMS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWSKAMS)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/1 "2011-02-10T00:25:04Z")
Dear Abby never replied to my e-mail, so I come to all of you… I got married in Jan of 1992. Got divorced in Jun of 2006. Remarried my ex-wife in May of 2008. Still married. My wife wants to celebrate our 20th anniversary next January. I say that we have only been married for 3 years in May. At the most, I can agree that we have been married 17 years. What anniversary should we celebrate? She agrees to abide by the majority decision posted here. ---
**Author:** ![TimeWinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@TimeWinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimeWinder)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/2 "2011-02-10T00:28:01Z")
20th. You’re celebrating the 20th anniversary of your first wedding date, not the number of anniversaries you’ve had while you were married. If it were me, I celebrate it again in three years, too, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/3 "2011-02-10T00:29:43Z")
I bet Abby would never address the letter because she’d be compelled to comment on the foolishness of marrying someone you divorced once. Regardless, and setting aside my own strong personal opinions, you haven’t been married 20 years so your wife’s in the wrong. Whether you should count the pre-first-divorce years is a decision I don’t feel qualified to make, and is up to you as a couple. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/4 "2011-02-10T00:38:50Z")
I’d go with 20th also. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/5 "2011-02-10T00:42:54Z")
What would be your reason for insisting that she celebrate her 17th anniversary instead of her 20th? Did you also agree to abide by the majority decision? If so, HAPPY 20th ANNNIVERSARY! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/6 "2011-02-10T00:53:48Z")
It’ll be your third anniversary in May. Divorce resets the clock. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/7 "2011-02-10T00:56:19Z")
Clock, schmock. It’s not like there’s some kind of marriage pension that they’re building up. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/8 "2011-02-10T00:58:12Z")
I’m gonna go with 20th. UNLESS – either one of you were married to someone else during the period of time you two were divorced - in that case, I’d say it’s your 3rd anniversary. Incidentally - what a refreshing story 🙂 Glad you two crazy kids worked it out! ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/9 "2011-02-10T01:02:49Z")
Wot kaylasdad99 wrote. You first got married 20 years ago. Celebrate that anniversary. Then, in 17 years, you can celebrate the 20th anniversary of that wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/10 "2011-02-10T01:07:53Z")
You asked two questions. > [@](#): > > How long have I been married? About 17 years. > [@](#): > > What anniversary should we celebrate? Which ever one you want to or both even. # However next January will be the 20th anniversary of your 1992 wedding, so I’d go with that one. 20th Anniversary Traditional Gift: China. It symbolizes the beautiful, elegant, and delicate of your love for one another over the past 20 years. Contemporary/Modern Gift: Platinum. Platinum is strong and enduring, just like your 20-year old marriage. Gemstone: Emerald or a yellow or golden diamond. Color: Emerald green or white. Flower: Day Lily. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/11 "2011-02-10T01:34:50Z")
Was it arguments like this that broke up you guys up the last time? ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/12 "2011-02-10T02:39:41Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Was it arguments like this that broke up you guys up the last time? Star for best answer. It’s your 20th anniversary of your first wedding. If your wife wants to celebrate, do you really want to initiate proceedings for wedding number 3 over this issue? ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/13 "2011-02-10T02:43:19Z")
> [@j66](#): > > It’s your 20th anniversary of your first wedding. If your wife wants to celebrate, do you really want to initiate proceedings for wedding number 3 over this issue? I beg to differ: this gets the star for best answer. And I wholeheartedly agree. ---
**Author:** ![Implicit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Implicit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Implicit)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/14 "2011-02-10T02:55:56Z")
> [@DWSKAMS](#): > > My wife wants to celebrate our 20th anniversary next January. That’s the only bit that matters. Unless you want to start the clock on how many years you’ve been divorced for. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/15 "2011-02-10T03:42:14Z")
Have a dual celebration. Your 20th and your 3rd. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/16 "2011-02-10T04:03:58Z")
23rd? ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/17 "2011-02-10T04:11:50Z")
Two marriages and you still haven’t figured this out… count on another divorce. The only correct answer is “whatever she says.” Happy Wife = Happy Life ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/18 "2011-02-10T04:12:42Z")
> [@DWSKAMS](#): > > Dear Abby never replied to my e-mail, so I come to all of you… > > I got married in Jan of 1992. Got divorced in Jun of 2006. Remarried my ex-wife in May of 2008. Still married. My wife wants to celebrate our 20th anniversary next January. I say that we have only been married for 3 years in May. At the most, I can agree that we have been married 17 years. > > What anniversary should we celebrate? > > She agrees to abide by the majority decision posted here. The question you’re asking is if you celebrate total marriage time, vs continuous marriage time. I could make an argument by analogy for either. I say celebrate them both. Celebrate the 3 year anniversary of your matrimonial reconciliation in May, and celebrate your total time together in June. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/19 "2011-02-10T04:48:29Z")
> [@DWSKAMS](#): > > Dear Abby never replied to my e-mail, so I come to all of you… > > I got married in Jan of 1992. Got divorced in Jun of 2006. Remarried my ex-wife in May of 2008. Still married. My wife wants to celebrate our 20th anniversary next January. I say that we have only been married for 3 years in May. At the most, I can agree that we have been married 17 years. I think this is a false dichotomy. It’s the 20th anniversary of your (first) wedding, regardless of whether you were actually married during that entire time. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829/20 "2011-02-10T04:59:59Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > The question you’re asking is if you celebrate total marriage time, vs continuous marriage time. > > I could make an argument by analogy for either. > > I say celebrate them both. Celebrate the 3 year anniversary of your matrimonial reconciliation in May, and celebrate your total time together in June. Even better answer! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-have-i-been-married/570829.md?page=2)