# How Long Is a Long-Term Relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2022, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712 "2022-07-28T11:33:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2022, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/21 "2022-07-28T21:54:43Z")
I was married to the first wife for 21 years and the second for 30 years (so far). I still have a relationship with the first wife, just not the same type of relationship, so that relationship has been going on for over 50 years now. Before the marriages, I was engaged to one woman for two years before coming to my senses, and to another for about the same amount of time. Is that long? Seemed like a lifetime. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2022, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/22 "2022-07-28T23:37:08Z")
Some people are confusing the **length** of the relationship with the **type** of relationship. Being together for 3 months is not long-term, regardless of the depth of your feelings for each other. On the other hand – casually, non-exclusively dating the same person for 5 years is most assuredly a long-term relationship. It may not be a _romantic_ relationship, but it is in point of fact a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/23 "2022-07-29T05:46:51Z")
I voted 2-3 years. I know my insurance uses 2 years as the threshold for a cohabiting partner being considered “long-term”, and that matches my own feelings on it. > [@MandaJo](#): > > I think if you live together, like, all in, you don’t have somewhere else you can go if you break up, it’s a long term relationship. Even if you do that moving in after, say, two weeks of dating - and then 3 months later you move out again? Naah, I wouldn’t call those 3 months a LTR. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/24 "2022-07-29T08:23:33Z")
It’s not either / or. Length of time alone doesn’t define a long-term relationship, but it’s still a neccessary component of it. I have mostly been in long-term relationships, ranging from 5 to 13 years in length. Long ago, I started a romantic relationship with a woman who I had known (and had had a mutual, secret crush on) for years. Things progressed very fast, and within weeks of intensive, multi-day dating, we started seriously talking about moving in together, future plans and all that shit. A good six months into the very commited relationship the woman decided she wanted to move to her country of birth. I had a dozen reasons not to follow, my kids being by far the biggest. So we ended it. Looking back on one of my biggest loves and most intensive six-month period of my life, I simply can’t call such a short period of time a long-term relationship. There are none of those milestones, or that cyclicity, or that perspective that **Moonrise** talked about. But hey, there’s a term for those kinds of relationships: a serious relationship. That’s what those “we’ll raise kids and grow old and then bus happens” kind of relationships are, not long-term. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/25 "2022-07-29T09:50:24Z")
At the risk of derailing this thread, this is something I’ve often wondered about. Imagine two relationships. 1. Living separately and seeing each other a couple of times per month for 10 years. 2. Living and doing everything together for 1 year. Which one is the most _meaningful_ ? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/26 "2022-07-29T10:20:54Z")
It’s an interesting question. I think you certainly need to state whether it’s romantic, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/27 "2022-07-29T10:38:21Z")
Yeah, I meant a romantic relationship. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/29 "2022-07-29T12:41:49Z")
I chose five+ years, but in retrospect I wonder if it should be modified with a percentage of your age. I’m in my mid-sixties and probably view the words “long term” differently from a 20 year old. ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/30 "2022-07-29T13:21:01Z")
I put 5 years. After reading some of the responses, I could have changed my vote, but I’m leaving as it is. When I first got married, I thought 5 years was a useful milestone. When someone asked when we would have children, I answered that they should ask me again in 5 years, probably because my parents had me when they were married 4.5 years. 4 years is high school or college. There are a lot of relationships that don’t survive (much) past gradulation. And a long-term relationship is just that. I know people who were married for more than 2 decades, so they definitely had long-term relationships, but their marriages were not good. They just stayed together because of their children and initiated divorce immediately after the youngest child graduated from high school. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/31 "2022-07-29T13:25:29Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > So polyamorous people can’t form long-term relationships? There is a difference between a polyamorous person who can form more than one intimate relationship at a time with consenting partners vs. a person who is acting like they are forming a relationship with one person but fucking around on the side. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/32 "2022-07-29T17:31:23Z")
Current partner and I got together after we’d both just left long-term relationships. We agreed to have fun as each other’s “in-between partner.” That was 38 years ago and we’re still going strong ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/33 "2022-07-29T17:44:37Z")
I vote for a sliding scale based on age, and I propose 1/20th of the person’s life. So when you’re 15, your relationship becomes long-term at 9 months, but when you’re 20, it takes a year; when you’re 40 it takes 2 years, etc. Yes, this means two people can be in a relationship that’s long-term for one and not the other. Deal with it. ETA: I think the amount of time you spend together is relevant to other considerations like how serious the relationship is or whether you’re ready for marriage, but it doesn’t affect whether the relationship is considered long-term. If I have a 2-year employment contract for a full-time job, and you have a 2-year contract to do a couple hours’ work once per quarter, our contracts are still for the same length of term. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/34 "2022-07-29T18:02:05Z")
I don’t think it’s a set time period exactly - but I do think there’s a minimum time period of somewhere between 1 and 2 years. I have absolutely known couples where one person was thinking “We’ll raise kids and grow old together” after two weeks and I just don’t think two weeks or even two months can be considered “long-term” regardless of what one of them thinks about the future . I also think that a relationship that has gone on for years is a long-term relationship even if one person is not thinking about growing old together. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/35 "2022-07-29T18:55:23Z")
Removed. Too much sharing! Leave as another vote for intent. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/36 "2022-07-30T01:11:46Z")
I chose 5 years for a specific reason. There is a strong tendency for a relationship to go south after 4 years. Case in point. I know someone who has been married three times. The first two broke up after four years. As the fourth anniversary of the third marriage approached, he confided in me once that he was concerned. That was in 1970 and he is still married to her. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/37 "2022-07-30T01:32:42Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > The first two broke up after four years. As the fourth anniversary of the third marriage approached, he confided in me once that he was concerned. I understand that. Having had the two relationships in college, which both ended after a year and a half, when I got to the year-and-a-half point with the woman whom I eventually married, I did become a bit anxious. Rationally, I knew that it was probably just coincidence, but I was anxious for a while, all the same. ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/38 "2022-07-30T07:52:57Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > I chose 5 years for a specific reason. I forgot to mention one other example. My coworker describes his brother’s relationships according to the lifetime of a car battery. They both tend to last about five years. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/39 "2022-07-30T10:19:16Z")
I figure it’s long term if you have to remember and subtract years. Especially, if you can think of years neither of you can remember specifically. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712/40 "2022-07-30T11:23:04Z")
I think it’s entirely subjective, but for me 1 year+ would qualify. Something that lasts 6-7 months barely qualifies as “a relationship,” and it’s fairly typical for a couple to date several months before labelling what they have as a relationship of any kind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-is-a-long-term-relationship/968712.md?page=1)