# How long should I wait before I call her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329 "2002-12-17T14:14:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/1 "2002-12-17T14:14:38Z")
I met this nice young woman at a club on Saturday night, and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. Well enough that she suggested we get together for coffee, and gave me her number. So, Dopers, being that I’m hopelessly clueless at this sort of thing, I figured I’d come to you. What’s an appropriate amount of time to wait before making that fateful first call? What’s too short a time, making me seem like a pathetic loser? What’s too long, showing me to be either callous or uninterested? HELP! And if you’d like to mention your own gender, I’d be interested in the different perceptions between the males and females. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/2 "2002-12-17T14:19:44Z")
Just call her already. I have never thought anything good or bad about a guy because he waited one night or two weeks to call me. You guys really think about this stuff too much. Call her! ---
**Author:** ![merge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9f8e36/32.png) [@merge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merge)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/3 "2002-12-17T14:34:48Z")
Call her tonight, and ask her out for thursday. thursday is a good get to know you before the weekend date night. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/4 "2002-12-17T14:35:43Z")
Amen. Call her now. ---
**Author:** ![Koffing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Koffing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koffing)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/5 "2002-12-17T14:36:33Z")
I thought that within 24 hours was the “preferred” period of time. No idea where I heard that, though… ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/6 "2002-12-17T14:36:53Z")
Oops, the “Amen” was to In Conceivable’s comment about you guys thinking about this too much. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/7 "2002-12-17T14:38:29Z")
Definitely call within a week of Saturday. Now would be best. ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/8 "2002-12-17T15:11:13Z")
see the movie “swingers” they had this very discussion, plus it’s a good movie. doesn’t matter so much when you call (although today would probably be good) but have a plan know a day and place that you want to meet her, that way you keep from fumbling over words and the whole “um, I dunno, where do you like to go?” thing. I personally think lunch is better than coffee, unless you are a brilliant conversationalist. It’s less intimate (less intimidating), only lasts an hour (max) so you can put your best foot foreward, get out of there if it isn’t clicking, and if it is, set up something for the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/9 "2002-12-17T15:12:52Z")
Call as early as possible. In addition to the other reasons people have mentioned, if a guy waits too long I’ll start wondering if he’s married. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/10 "2002-12-17T15:18:16Z")
Either call her now, or send me her number. ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/11 "2002-12-17T15:29:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by greck \* > \*\* > > I personally think lunch is better than coffee, unless you are a brilliant conversationalist. It’s less intimate (less intimidating), only lasts an hour (max) so you can put your best foot foreward, get out of there if it isn’t clicking, and if it is, set up something for the weekend. \*\* I agree. Lunch is a low pressure event, and if she’s anything like me brunch is her favorite meal and she’ll totally appreciate an invitation. 🙂 And if you met here Saturday, call her already! It’s been what, 3 days? Honestly, I’d be writing you off or questioning your interest. ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/12 "2002-12-17T15:43:45Z")
\>\>\>\>Well enough that she suggested we get together for coffee, and gave me her number. Never, never leave it hanging like this. Never say “let’s get lunch sometime.” Always say, “let’s get lunch on tuesday” or “let’s go get drinks Friday night”. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/13 "2002-12-17T15:45:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Judith Prietht \* > And if you met here Saturday, call her already! It’s been what, 3 days? Honestly, I’d be writing you off or questioning your interest. Really? That quickly? Yikes. I’m trying to play it 🆒, you know? The problem, **In Conceivable** , is that we (meaning guys) know that we’re supposed to think about things. The problem is that too often it’s the wrong thing that gets thought about, while the actual important thing is completely overlooked. And back off, **superbee**! I may only ride a Sportster, but I ain’t no sissy! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/14 "2002-12-17T16:28:05Z")
All’s I’m saying is that if I met a guy, hit it off with him, and suggested we go out something, gave him my number and it was a few days since he called me, I’d probably start to think he wasn’t that interested. Unless there was some extenuating circumstance. Obviously she’s digging what you’re throwing out there. Why delay? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/15 "2002-12-17T16:47:42Z")
Yeah, as long as you don’t call her the morning after getting her number, you’re OK. Depending on what you want to do, call her a couple of days before you want to go out. Coffee is a good mid-week activity, and if it goes well you can still go out on the weekend, so there’s no reason not to call right away. ---
**Author:** ![Happyjoelucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Happyjoelucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happyjoelucky)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/16 "2002-12-17T16:58:35Z")
I think you should take the George Costanza[sp?]approach and do the exact opposite of what you would normally do. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/17 "2002-12-17T16:59:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FlyingDragonFan \* > \*\* > And back off, **superbee**! I may only ride a Sportster, but I ain’t no sissy! 🙂 \*\* Nothing wrong with Sportsters…my [wife](http://www.geocities.com/bk_clouse/katbike.html) has one… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/18 "2002-12-17T17:03:07Z")
If you wait too long she might get a call from a guy who called before you did… really, how soon you call depends on what you’re calling about. if you said that you would call her the next day so that you could arrange to see the new flick that just came out on opening night & instead waited three days to call, well…you get the point ---
**Author:** ![Shera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/19 "2002-12-17T19:27:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*Yeah, as long as you don’t call her the morning after getting her number, you’re OK. Depending on what you want to do, call her a couple of days before you want to go out. Coffee is a good mid-week activity, and if it goes well you can still go out on the weekend, so there’s no reason not to call right away. \*\* Why not call in the morning? As far as I am concerned, it’s never to soon for you to call. As long as you don’t call at 5 a.m. it doesn’t really matter. For what it’s worth, I would write you off after about a week, so don’t wait much longer. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329/20 "2002-12-17T19:45:45Z")
**Shera** , some guys are desperate. They call right away, they leave ten messages, they act weird. Women usually find such guys scary, and run from them. Thanks to these guys, normal guys now have to be careful not to act in a similar way before a woman has a chance to get to know us, lest we be mistaken for one of these freaky guys. Some women have rarely or never encountered a freaky guy, so they don’t have Freaky Guy Radar activated. As normal guys, we have to assume everyone has Freaky Guy Radar on, and behave accordingly, as asking about Freaky Guy Radar usually activates Freaky Guy Radar. It’s stupid, and we all know it, but it’s a fact of life. Me, I’m just glad I’m married and don’t have to worry about this crap any more. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-i-wait-before-i-call-her/143329.md?page=2)