# How long should you wait before you call? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985 "2011-12-13T03:07:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2011, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/41 "2011-12-16T11:56:29Z")
> [@Deegeea](#): > > At the last post, though, you gave a piece of info that makes me want to advise, “Call him and ask for your tights back.” At least this is an excuse to call that won’t make you seem like you’re interested in pursuing him, if that’s what you don’t want to seem like. Oh, I like this! I think you should do that. Two things I’ve learned about dating (or have been trying to): 1. If both parties are interested it will find a way to happen. No matter how “wrong” you time it, no matter who writes first or how often. And the flip-side is that when someone isn’t interested you could do everything right and it wouldn’t help none. 2. Having said that. To me it never hurts to be bold and make a move (I’m female. Shock horror). When I have the courage, I like to ask for what I want quite clearly and either get it or move on. IMO (see 1.) it won’t affect the outcome much, but at least I feel in control of my life and can get it over and done with. Both “lessons” come down to working on your confidence. Having said all that, I do totally understand your feelings and I think he’s completely rude for not just giving you at least a call. I say get the tights back and let us know what happened. P.s. Where’s **EvenSven**? ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/42 "2011-12-18T09:44:23Z")
A random meeting? Go ahead and call; he’s probably doing more wondering about it’s significance than you are. It’s really hard on a guy to figure out if there’s a “chance.” (They’re not as adept at reading signals as we are.) After a first date or first sexual encounter? For the sake of the long-term “points” (and believe me—if it turns into a relationship there WILL be a time when one of you says, “If it hadn’t been for you chasing me, I woulda never got mixed up in this \_\_\_\_\_” fill in the blank) it’s better to let him make the next move. I’ve done it both ways and found that the old adage, “Let him chase you until you finally catch him” is a wise one. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/43 "2011-12-18T10:31:05Z")
> [@BeaMyra](#): > > You never call the next day. This shows you’re desperate and too much interest… Too much interest? Funny thing…I rather \*like \*the men I’m interested in to be interested in me. Like, more interested than they are in anything else that might take up their time. 😃 But I admit, I’m also a “friends-who-turn-into-dates” person, so it does tend to play out differently, I assume, than a date with a stranger. Still, if I want to talk to a person, I call them. Doesn’t matter if I’m their wife or girlfriend or mother or friend or customer. If I have a need (to talk), then I must work to fill that need. In this case, that need can be filled by dialing my own phone more effectively than by angsting over why s/he hasn’t called yet. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/44 "2011-12-18T10:42:37Z")
Almost all the dates I’ve been on have led to hours of texting/talking on the phone as soon as we got home. All this “you have to wait”, “I need to be chased”, “I’m old-fashioned” stuff is bullshit. You say calling the next day indicates desperation? I think playing these stupid games does so more. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/45 "2011-12-18T14:29:24Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > Holy shit, this thing is still going. Definitive answer: call when you feel like it. This thread is making me start to disfavor women, and also the whining pukes who date them. Me too…and I am a woman. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/46 "2011-12-18T14:58:59Z")
Call when you have something to say. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2011, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/47 "2011-12-19T01:22:31Z")
> [@BeaMyra](#): > > You never call the next day. This shows you’re desperate and too much interest, a woman has to keep them guessing and so does a man. Of course it’s one thing to make a man/woman guess and to keep them guessing. One day is too short, a week is too long. > > One day says you’re too eager. A week says you thought about it, figured you couldn’t do better so you become the "OK to date, while I keep looking for something better. > > So you need to go between 2 and 6 days. Depending on what message you want to send. How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can’t remember where we met. I’ll ask her what she looks like and then I’ll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2011, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/48 "2011-12-19T03:23:20Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can’t remember where we met. I’ll ask her what she looks like and then I’ll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money? I think I just came in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985/49 "2011-12-19T21:40:15Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I think I just came in my pants. Well, you know what they say; it’s better than coming in someone _else’s_ pants. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-should-you-wait-before-you-call/605985.md?page=2)