# How long would you wait before having sex with someone?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 1, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825 "2010-08-01T22:15:43Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/21 "2010-08-02T06:05:31Z")
I hate women who sleep on the first night.
You have to wait the whole afternoon.
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### Author:  [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/22 "2010-08-02T06:59:40Z")
> [@even\_sven](#):
>
> Late 20’s female. I used to be a first date kind of girl. I pretty much know upon meeting someone if it is going to happen or not. And if we are going to have a good time, I don’t see the point in waiting.
>
> When I am back in the dating pool this time around, however, I am going to try holding off a bit. I’m starting to look for something a bit more lasting in a partner, and I’m afraid my practicality on this matter may be misinterpreted as general sluttiness.
You make that sound like a good thing.
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### Author:  [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/23 "2010-08-02T07:07:57Z")
1. Male
2. Depends on my partner. My ex-wife and I waited around 6 months, I never had sex with my girlfriend of around 5 years ago because she wanted to wait until marriage, and the last girlfriend jumped me when she came to my house to pick me up for our second date.
3. It has to be obvious to me that the relationship will be a long-term one; I don’t do flings or one-night-stands. Despite it only being our second date, the girl mentioned above and I had known each other for a few years, and had become close friends for almost a year before we began dating, so we knew for a while that we wanted to be together. (This policy, however, means that I have dry spells of years at a time. I date, but I’m only in a good solid relationship every 5 years or so.)
4. 35
5. The other person can’t be in a relationship, even if the relationship is winding down.
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### Author:  [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/24 "2010-08-02T08:12:26Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#):
>
> ou make that sound like a good thing.
I’ve come to the conclusion (in part thanks to this message board) that jumping into bed too quickly is an easy way to get yourself written off as “not girlfriend material.” My experience leads me to believe that once a guy puts you in the “slutty short term” category in his head, it’s hard to get him to think of you any other way.
Personally, I think it’s pretty silly. I’m pretty selective, just a quick decision-maker.
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### Author:  [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/25 "2010-08-02T08:17:16Z")
1. Male
2. There’s no minimum time. If I’m attracted to her and she’s down, then it’s been enough time.
3. Relationship?
4. 24
5. I’d ask if she was clean.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/26 "2010-08-02T10:51:01Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> . . . I enjoy blowjobs as much as I enjoy sex.
It boggles my mind that there are people who think blowjobs aren’t sex. You know, there are people who \*\*\*only \*\*\*engage in oral sex. What are they, virgins?
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/27 "2010-08-02T10:54:20Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> > [@AClockworkMelon](#):
> >
> > . . . I enjoy blowjobs as much as I enjoy sex.
>
> It boggles my mind that there are people who think blowjobs aren’t sex. You know, there are people who \*\*\*only \*\*\*engage in oral sex. What are they, virgins?
Sure.
I got my first blowjob on my 18th birthday and fucked a girl for the first time the next day. When people ask “when did you lose your virginity?” I always tell them “the day after my 18th birthday.”
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/28 "2010-08-02T10:57:02Z")
Does masturbation count?
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### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/29 "2010-08-02T11:01:20Z")
Hijack, but I’ve gotta ask. Melon, you love blowjobs but don’t give head, and expect but don’t promise monogamy… is your biggest turn on in a woman low self-esteem?
As to the OP’s questions:
1. Female
2. Depends entirely on context
3. Depends entirely on context
4. 39
5. Depends entirely on context
There’s all different kinds of sex, and I have it for all different kinds of reasons. I’m not applying the same rules and standards to everyone, because I don’t feel the same way about everyone.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/30 "2010-08-02T11:22:48Z")
> [@DianaG](#):
>
> Hijack, but I’ve gotta ask. Melon, you love blowjobs but don’t give head, and expect but don’t promise monogamy… is your biggest turn on in a woman low self-esteem?
Where have I said that I don’t promise monogamy? 😕 Most of my relationships have been fully monogamous and I take fidelity pretty seriously.
I don’t know if you’ve seen me in other sex/relationship threads but fyi my relationships are never vanilla and my kink is control. No, I’m not attracted to girls with low self-esteem.
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### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/31 "2010-08-02T17:52:22Z")
**1. Your gender**
Female.
**2. How quickly**
Depends. I’ve had my share of one-night stands, and I’m ok with flings (though it’s ridiculously difficult to find a man who can truly handle one). When it comes to actual relationships, the sex has happened as quickly as the first date or as late as a month later. If we’re at a point where we’re seeing each other every weekend, a month is probably as long as I’d be willing to wait.
**3. How committed the relationship has to be**
It doesn’t.
**4. Your age**
38.
**5. Other factors you might consider**
Birth control. For anything other than a serious relationship, one of us has to have a condom: I have “called off” one-night stands when there was no condom and the guy wasn’t willing to go down on me (which would have resulted in a return-the-favor – or, better, simultaneous – blowjob). When the relationship gets serious, I’ll go on hormonal birth control after we’ve both been tested.
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### Author:  [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/32 "2010-08-02T18:54:39Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> > [@DianaG](#):
> >
> > Hijack, but I’ve gotta ask. Melon, you love blowjobs but don’t give head, and expect but don’t promise monogamy… is your biggest turn on in a woman low self-esteem?
>
> Where have I said that I don’t promise monogamy? 😕
Here, here you said it:
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> I’ve been in monogamous relationships. I’ve been in one-sided open relationships (open on my side :p).
> 4. 20 (Lol. 4.20 :D)
You’re giving the other younguns around here, such as myself, a bad rap.
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### Author:  [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/33 "2010-08-02T18:55:40Z")
Misnomer, just out of curiosity, why don’t you simply stay on hormonal BC?
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/34 "2010-08-02T18:59:19Z")
_1. Your gender_
I’m male.
_2. How quickly_
Several months at least.
_3. How committed the relationship has to be_
If I cannot envision myself raising a child with the woman, I’m not fucking her.
_4. Your age_
40.
\*5. Other factors you might consider \*
I’ll have to give that one some thought.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/35 "2010-08-02T19:06:28Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#):
>
> 1. Female
> 2. Dated a guy for 3.5 years, never had intercourse, just Bill Clinton sex, and that took something like 8 months. Dated my current and last SO, had Bill Clinton sex in the first week, intercourse within a month.
You are hilarious. Bill Clinton sex. That’s what I’m going to call it from now on. “So I was having Bill Clinton sex last night…” Not that I start my conversations with that kind of thing, but iffin I did (I’m also going to start saying “iffin”)…
> [@DianaG](#):
>
> Hijack, but I’ve gotta ask. Melon, you love blowjobs but don’t give head, and expect but don’t promise monogamy… is your biggest turn on in a woman low self-esteem?
Dude, he’s like 5 years old. Give it time.
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### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/36 "2010-08-02T19:23:24Z")
[QUOTE=lindsaybluth]
Misnomer, just out of curiosity, why don’t you simply stay on hormonal BC?
[/QUOTE]
My BC of choice is Depo, and it’s not meant to be used for more than 2-3 years (bone density loss concerns). That’s about how long I was on it with my ex, and I was down to my last 2 refills when we broke up (we’d started to talk about him having a vasectomy\*). It’s been a little over a year since my last shot, and I figure (hope!) that by the time I have another serious relationship it’ll be like starting from scratch with the Depo. Or, maybe by then there will be a new, awesome birth control drug. Or maybe by then I’ll just be post-menopausal. 😉
As for why I don’t just use something that I _could_ stay on, when I’m not in a relationship I don’t have sex regularly enough to justify the expense and possible side effects. I didn’t even use my last Depo refill, because I didn’t feel like spending $100 one more time when there was very little chance of sleeping with anyone during those three months. I almost did use it, though, just to delay the return of my period a little longer!
[QUOTE=MeanOldLady]
Dude, he’s like 5 years old. Give it time.
[/QUOTE]
LOL!!
\*Completely unrelated to the breakup, btw.
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/37 "2010-08-02T19:46:12Z")
All theoretical since I’m all happily hitched and stuff now, but from my last round in the dating world (2.5 years ago)
1. I’m female
2. One week
3. Commit to be nice to me in bed
4. 30
5. I was out of a fruitless long-term relationship and wanted to have fun.
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### Author:  [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/38 "2010-08-02T20:16:50Z")
1. Male
2. Honestly, it’s run the gamut from “right there in the mosh pit” (it was a magical (and idiotic) college night, but when she’s in a skirt and you’re in a voluminous leather duster, it’s amazing what you can hide from people standing right next to you) to “dated exclusively for months first”.
3. It doesn’t, but I have to be assured we all want the same things. To echo and elaborate on something said upthread, there are not a lot of people of either gender who can actually handle a fling or FWB situation.
4. 31
5. These days, I’m not really looking, although I’m not averse if something that twings my polyamory-dar comes up. Fortunately, as a male, I don’t have to worry as much about women lying about wanting a lasting thing just to get into bed with me.
As for Clockwork, the guy’s a control-kinky guy. No doubt
> [@](#):
>
> I’ve been in one-sided open relationships (open on my side ).
means he’ll be monogamous if she wants him to be, and if she’s comfortable with him being Master and able to do what he likes when she’s not able to, then he does that. Takes all kinds, after all, and I know a few women who would find that situation highly erotic, to put it mildly.
Skald’s answer is also instructive–you had best be sure of your birth control if your answer isn’t along the lines of “I could have a child with that person”
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### Author:  [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/39 "2010-08-02T20:42:38Z")
Until they wake up, but I can make exceptions.
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### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-long-would-you-wait-before-having-sex-with-someone/548825/40 "2010-08-02T20:44:33Z")
> [@Zeriel](#):
>
> To echo and elaborate on something said upthread, there are not a lot of people of either gender who can actually handle a fling or FWB situation.
Yep; I definitely didn’t mean to imply that it’s only men who have trouble with it. Just that I’m only dealing with men. 🙂
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