# How many 1st dates have you been on in a year? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2015, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299 "2015-07-27T05:44:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/21 "2015-07-28T20:31:12Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > I’ve been on 3 so far this year all within the last two weeks. None have made it to a second date. All would have said yes. I’m sort of taking a hiatus after this most recent spell, but I will probably be out there in a month or so. I will make 2-3 dates a week, and begin the whittle down process. Wait I forgot, there were four others earlier in the year. Not exactly the same as above but the differences were minor. One rejected me and I rejected the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/22 "2015-07-28T21:10:10Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > I’ve been on 1 date, total - in my life. ☹ My social/romantic life has sucked my whole life. Sometimes I wish I could get a do over, knowing what I now, but I also think knowing that, I would never bother to try. Online dating dude. If you are perfectly honest you should find some matches with similar interests. I know four people that found people. Two are married to someone they found online and two are in multi-year relationships. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/23 "2015-07-28T21:27:05Z")
I’m curious - how long did you give yourself post-divorce to just chill out and learn how to be single and satisfied with yourself and your life as is? Your pace sounds a little frantic, to me, but only you can really answer the question. Full disclosure: I’m on an extended, possibly permanent hiatus by choice, so I have a certain amount of distaste for the first date experience. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/24 "2015-07-28T22:26:53Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > I’m curious - how long did you give yourself post-divorce to just chill out and learn how to be single and satisfied with yourself and your life as is? > > Your pace sounds a little frantic, to me, but only you can really answer the question. > > Full disclosure: I’m on an extended, possibly permanent hiatus by choice, so I have a certain amount of distaste for the first date experience. 😉 I took 11 months from the time I separated permanently with my ex before dating. It seemed like I’d given it enough time. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/25 "2015-07-28T22:56:35Z")
I got sucked into that internet dating thing for about 9 months and before I knew it I was hopelessly addicted to one night stands or 1st dates. Once I came to my senses I dropped it 100% for several years. I have no idea how many dates I went on but it was usually several a week. ``` When I went back several years later I seemed to fall into a more normal one or two a month pace with considerable qualifying before I went on the first date. ``` ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/26 "2015-07-29T04:39:17Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I got sucked into that internet dating thing for about 9 months and before I knew it I was hopelessly addicted to one night stands or 1st dates. Once I came to my senses I dropped it 100% for several years. I have no idea how many dates I went on but it was usually several a week. > > ``` > When I went back several years later I seemed to fall into a more normal one or two a month pace with considerable qualifying before I went on the first date. > > ``` Know that I’m 53. I’m in pretty good shape, but ladies aren’t going to fall in my lap for sex, nor would I want cheap thrills. I’m not sure what I want, but what you describe in your first dating binge isn’t that. I’ve had some makeouts, damn good ones, and I felt like I was on a cloud after. A little sex a few times. That’ll do for now, but I’d like to progress with someone. Not too fast, not too hasty, but real. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/27 "2015-07-29T08:34:04Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > I dunno, this sounds fishy to me. That’s one school of thought. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/28 "2015-07-29T10:23:08Z")
When I was online dating, I would do about 3 dates a week. It’s all about the numbers. It only took a couple months to find my husband. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/29 "2015-07-29T13:29:47Z")
I’m not actively looking right now; in fact, pretty much unless a date pretty much just falls in my lap, I’ve more or less been turning away opportunities this year. In general, I’m just not in the place right now for dating. Yet, I’ve been on 3 dates or so this year, and when I was dating regularly, it was about 2 a month on average, sometimes a little more or less as it could get streaky. That all said, to the OP, while dating is a numbers game, and as much as the whole baseball analogies and dating are overdone, you don’t just want to swing at EVERY pitch. Back when I was dating regularly, I’d pretty much go on a date with anyone I either had a vague interest in or thought I may if I met her. Sure, most of the time, even if there wasn’t any chemistry, the dates were still usually more fun than just staying home, but the amalgamation of so many dates not really leading anywhere got frustrating. That’s one of the reasons I’d taken a break from dating, because I wanted to reevaluate my approach. Basically, what I decided was that I’d generally rather put a little more effort into weeding out before a date, so that even if I have fewer, hopefully they’re more successful and I’m generally more satisfied with the level of effort compared to the results. Speaking for myself, your ratio of 6 second dates out of 27 first dates, well, that’s about the ratio that frustrated me, I think I was around one in four, where I’d rather be somewhere north of one in three, close to one in two. That said, if you’re generally happy, then I’d just say keep it up and you’ll find someone eventually, if not, I’d suggest either trying to be a bit more selective and/or broadening how you’re meeting women. Especially when it comes to online dating, some sites will just generally give you better success than others. For instance, I know some peoplethat have had great success on Match, where I think I got one subpar date in a 6-month membership on there, where I had far more from okCupid and eHarmony and they said they had poor results there. Some of it also depends on geography, as in some just get greater or fewer people in your dating demographic based on where you live. Maybe people in your circle with similar interests and tastes can give you an idea of what sites worked well for them besides the ones you’re using. Good luck on the dating, I’m probably going to be diving back in myself in the near future. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/30 "2015-07-29T16:27:54Z")
I tried online dating for about 10 months. I am recalling 12 first dates, plus a few no-shows. So roughly one date a month was my average, but that came with a ton of texting/e-mailing to filter down the maybes. I don’t think I would have had time to date more than that. Additional data no one asked for: I am still platonic friends with 5 of those 11. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bruce\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/31 "2015-07-29T18:27:17Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > I took 11 months from the time I separated permanently with my ex before dating. It seemed like I’d given it enough time. That’s a good amount of time IMO. 2016 will be my year for dating again, my last girlfriend moved out in March and I was gonna try to give myself a year. What exactly do you do on these dates anyways? Do you pay her way? Do you run out of ideas? ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/32 "2015-07-29T23:49:14Z")
Woo, lunch date went well, going on a 2nd date next week (I’m out of town over the weekend)! Awesomeness. And she even lives close to me, a rare occurrence. The lunch date just ran 90 minutes, too short to really get a for-sure thumbs up on how I like her and chemistry and stuff, but she seems pretty cool. No red flags. Intelligent, successful, adventurous, attractive. > [@](#): > > What exactly do you do on these dates anyways? Do you pay her way? Do you run out of ideas? Since it’s online dating, first date is really zeroth date. Meet someplace public, something low pressure - coffee, lunch, that sort of thing. I’ll absolutely pay for coffee (duh); something more expensive (but still not expensive, it’s a zeroth date ferchrissakes) I’ll pay but I’d hope she’d offer to split it out of courtesy, which I’ll politely decline in almost every case. After that, who knows? The mission of the first date is to invite her on a second date (or not if there’s no attraction) so you talk about stuff you like to do and say, “hey, let’s do this or that next Tuesday!” and see if something gets traction. Boom, you’re set for the next date doing something you both like. Or not, if there’s nothing you both like. The mission of the 2nd date is to have fun, get to know each other, and see if a 3rd date will be even better and set that up. Do I run out of ideas? Absolutely. I haven’t dated for 27 years, and I’m not great at coming up with original, spontaneous things to do together, and I really have to wrack my brain. I’ve had some great ideas and some total flops and things in between. Sometimes a date goes off in a cool, unexpected direct, which is really fun and a great way to get to know someone. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2015, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/33 "2015-07-30T01:03:23Z")
> [@Bruce\_Wayne](#): > > What exactly do you do on these dates anyways? Do you pay her way? Do you run out of ideas? Like **squee** , I normally do Starbucks, a Frozen Yogurt spot or I think thrice a park (this was actually the waterfront but you get the ideal). I will usually pay, every blue moon I get a woman who’s insistent that we split, but that’s rare. In case anyone is interested: All the above is from dating sites. I will try to eliminate/not engage in tons of emails/calls and go for a meeting sooner rather than later. I also shy away from sex on the first date, even when there is a connection. Both of the above is to limit the amount of emotional damage from a “not quite” connection. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/34 "2015-07-30T01:33:18Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > I also shy away from sex on the first date Jeez, I’ve never even gotten a kiss on the first date, only once on the second. Maybe I’m not aggressive enough. But yeah: sex with someone I just met? I’m not exposing myself emotionally (or literally!) until I know someone much better. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2015, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299/35 "2015-07-30T14:05:40Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Jeez, I’ve never even gotten a kiss on the first date, only once on the second. Maybe I’m not aggressive enough. But yeah: sex with someone I just met? I’m not exposing myself emotionally (or literally!) until I know someone much better. It’s been offered more than a few times. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-1st-dates-have-you-been-on-in-a-year/726299.md?page=1)