# How many children has Michael J. Fox killed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-children-has-michael-j-fox-killed/205293 "2003-10-03T07:56:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-children-has-michael-j-fox-killed/205293/41 "2003-10-04T19:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Bird \* > \*\*Straws? You had straws? When I was a kid we had to ladle the primordial ooze into our mouths with our hands! Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold ooze when you’re incorporeal? We worked damn hard to ladle our ooze into our nonexistent mouths with our intangible hands and we liked it! > > …grumble…grumble…kids today…with their solid, matter-based bodies… \*\* Wait. You had _primordial-flavored_ ooze? I didn’t eat primordial flavored ooze. I didn’t eat ANY flavored ooze. We hadn’t developed taste buds yet. My first taste bud was called “soot.” In my day, we were damned lucky if the congealed gelatinous radioactive lava that bubbled up from the molten mantle was cool enough not to burn out our throats when we tried to take a sip. OOZE? We ate superheated rock. Primordial flavor? Bah. WE knew WE were EATING red HOT dirt and… WE… LIKED… it!! You know when we ate lunch? Alternate THURSDAYS. And you had ladles? Poppycrock and balderdash. When we first saw ladles, we dropped to our knees, sang hosannahs and worshipped them as gods, by gum. We WAS ignorant lava slurping single celled ameboas aaaaAAAAaaand we LIKED it… ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-children-has-michael-j-fox-killed/205293/42 "2003-10-04T22:52:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Askia, gobear, Kaotic Newtral, Little Bird, RickJay, and Thea Logica \* > \*\*aaaaAAAAaaand we LIKED it… \*\* Okay. You guys made me laugh so hard that I had a freakin’ asthma attack. Because I’m poor and uninsured, I have no inhaler, got no treatment, and died. Then my corpse was animated by the spirit of revenge, and I dug my way out of the cold hard ground (breaking several fingernails, thank you), all so’s I could settle the score. Then I tried to get on the internet so I could post a message of warning to make your blood run cold, but they wouldn’t let me in the library because they don’t want me rotting on the books. I had to break into a house, kill the inhabitants, and feast on their brains just so I could get on the freakin’ Straight Dope. Now I’m off to Washington as part of the Million Zombie Shamble, to force passage of the Undead Americans Act, to stop this terrible discrimination. But when I’m done, and after I stop to eat some more brains, all of you are going to pay, and pay, and pay some more. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-children-has-michael-j-fox-killed/205293/43 "2003-10-04T23:32:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by look!ninjas \* > **Million Zombie Shamble** Hey, they played my wedding. They were pretty good, too, but then Michael J. Fox showed up and killed them. Bummer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-children-has-michael-j-fox-killed/205293.md?page=2)