# How many dates before having sex is okay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173 "2001-12-06T04:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/1 "2001-12-06T04:52:58Z")
Here’s the scenario: I met a woman and we went out to dinner, immediately the chemistry between us was working. We’re both adults that are over 30, she seems like she’s ready, I’m ready but I have reservations about not moving too fast. We’ve been on two dates already, what’s a guy to do? Teeming millions what say you? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/2 "2001-12-06T04:55:39Z")
Can’t believe a guy who goes by **EasyPhil** would be in such a quandary. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mats\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8edcca/32.png) [@Mats\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mats_K)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/3 "2001-12-06T05:00:28Z")
I think it’s time to play “hide the sausage”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/4 "2001-12-06T05:06:44Z")
Obviously, this is something that there is no “right” answer to. Me, I’d appriciate an up-front conversation about it in a neutral area that was close to a bed, in case the conversation goes well. A good way to start this might be with a simple declaration like “I sure hope that the chemeisty on your side is as strong as the chemistry on mine.” or “You know, I haven’t felt this way towards a women since I was a teenager.” or “So, how do you feel about goats?” Being proactive in this stage about birth control and disease testing is a turn-on, IMHO. Somehow, it shows that th guy does take this–the sex–seriously. Plus, it shows he’s not a fucking idiot. If she’s not the type to talk about “it” with–and some people aren’t–you can just walk her to the door, kiss her lingeringly, and wait to see if she invites you in. ---
**Author:** ![croaker67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@croaker67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/croaker67)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/5 "2001-12-06T05:30:44Z")
Over 30??? Go my son and scatter thy seed. If you’re religious, wait for a sign. But remember… ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/6 "2001-12-06T07:10:02Z")
Don’t forget the condom. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/7 "2001-12-06T11:39:06Z")
Go as far as she will let you. Do it now. If you wait too long, she’ll either doubt your veracity or delegate you to ‘friend’ status. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/8 "2001-12-06T11:51:56Z")
It depends entirely on the individual. Do you want a relationship with this woman? Will you judge her if she sleeps with you? My last two relationships started out as casual sex and became more serious. I’ve also had the experience of going on a couple of dates with a guy, sleeping with him and _poof_ he’s gone like he was never there. ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/9 "2001-12-06T12:02:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manda JO \* > \*\*A good way to start this might be with a simple declaration like “I sure hope that the chemeisty on your side is as strong as the chemistry on mine”. or “You know, I haven’t felt this way towards a women since I was a teenager.” \*\* When a fellow gent has real prospects developing a long and meaningful relationship [sub] and getting his end away[/sub], I feel it’s incumbent on us menfolk to do all we can to help. My contribution is to tell you to never, ever even consider using either of the lines above unless the object of your affections likes people who talk like they’re in a soap opera. The second one will also lead her to believe that you regularly masturbate furiously while imagining her naked or that you’ll come before she gets your trousers off. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Bee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Larry\_Bee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Bee)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/10 "2001-12-06T12:05:43Z")
Whenever both people feel comfortable? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/11 "2001-12-06T13:00:41Z")
If you’re not absolutely sure, then wait. That’s good advice for teenagers, and it’s good advice for grown-ups, too. No harm in waiting. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/12 "2001-12-06T13:37:43Z")
I don’t like to have any dates before sex. They upset my tummy. Hey! Stop throwing things at me! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/13 "2001-12-06T14:57:05Z")
I don’t understand the question… ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/14 "2001-12-06T15:01:00Z")
The consensus among the the characters on sit-coms is three dates. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/15 "2001-12-06T15:02:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > \*\*I’ve also had the experience of going on a couple of dates with a guy, sleeping with him and _poof_ he’s gone like he was never there. \*\* This is exactly why I invoke the 90-day rule. Sounds cruel, but if I don’t feel comfortable after getting to know someone and dating them for 90 days, then I probably never will. I’ve had the habit of hopping in to bed far too fast. I’ve since adopted the 90-day rule, which has prevented me from sleeping around with people that I really didn’t feel strongly about. Of course, if 90 days sounds too long to you, then I defer to those who have said, “whenever both parties feel comfortable.” The best way to make ME feel comfortable is to talk about sex first, before anyone gets naked. Be sure to discuss birth control, disease protection and then the fun discussions: likes and dislikes. My experience has taught me that these types of discussions go a long way toward getting me nekkid. ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/16 "2001-12-06T15:44:14Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Dogzilla \* \*\* > [@](#): > > This is exactly why I invoke the 90-day rule. Sounds cruel, but if I don’t feel comfortable after getting to know someone and dating them for 90 days, then I probably never will. I’ve had the habit of hopping in to bed far too fast. I’ve since adopted the 90-day rule, which has prevented me from sleeping around with people that I really didn’t feel strongly about. > > Of course, if 90 days sounds too long to you, then I defer to those who have said, “whenever both parties feel comfortable.” The best way to make ME feel comfortable is to talk about sex first, before anyone gets naked. Be sure to discuss birth control, disease protection and then the fun discussions: likes and dislikes. My experience has taught me that these types of discussions go a long way toward getting me nekkid. \*\* I personally think that 3 months i.e. 90 days wouldn’t work for me because after that amount of time the woman more thank likely would be just a good friend. I would be interested in hearing what the nature of your relationship is like after the 90 day period and how thinks ultimately play out. I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping with a woman on the first date if I was seriously interested in her. Suffice it to say I am thinking there are some serious possibilities with this person which is why I threw the question out there. I more than likely will just let it flow and not over analyze it, but will engage in the topic of sex with regards to birth control, diseases, to get that out of the way. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/17 "2001-12-06T16:04:40Z")
First of all, as has been discussed here on the board a lot, condoms do not protect from several STDs. Plus,there is, I believe, three months incubation for most of HIV strains, right? Have you already discussed this with her or brought her to the clinic, EasyPhil? 🙂 Chances are if a woman doesn’t discuss this with a new guy she didn’t with the other guys she has been with & so she won’t know if they had anything either. At any rate, there isn’t really any set number of dates before having sex. I’d always be able to find someone who says I didn’t wait long enough… ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/18 "2001-12-06T16:06:34Z")
As the old saying goes, if you’re not ready to talk about it with her, you’re not ready to do it with her. ---
**Author:** ![Dilbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58f4c7/32.png) [@Dilbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dilbert)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/19 "2001-12-06T16:07:41Z")
I guess I’m just old fashioned. The first person I ever had sex with was my wife. Sure, we only waited a week, but that’s beside the point. Personally, if she’s going to downgrade you to friend status because you haven’t had sex with her soon enough, then she’s not worth it. She’s probably slept around too much if that’s the case. However, I’m not here to make judgements. If you feel comfortable doing it, then do it. Just do it for the right reasons, not out of fear that your relationship won’t last without sex. After all, relationships shouldn’t be based on sex. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173/20 "2001-12-06T16:09:42Z")
Well you probably want to kiss her first, see how that goes… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-dates-before-having-sex-is-okay/97173.md?page=2)