# How many (fill in the blank) does it take to change a light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876 "2004-04-25T02:51:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/41 "2004-04-26T22:49:53Z")
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to do it, and two to shove the chair out from under her. How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to do it, and one stand there saying, “oh, that’s too high for HIM.” How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? One. But she looks better in the dark. How many baritones does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re the one’s who are usually getting screwed. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/42 "2004-04-26T23:18:42Z")
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None. The keyboard player does all that with his left hand. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/43 "2004-04-26T23:26:06Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > How many dopers does it take to change a lightbulb? > > 189 > > 1 to post a question in GQ asking how to change a lightbulb. > 1 to give the straight dope, A)unscrew burnt bulb B)Screw in new bulb. > 15 that disagree with the procedures and offer alternative methods. > 1 to moderator to haul the thread to Grat Debates. > 28 dopers to debate unscrewing techniques, light bulb brands, thermodynamics of incandescent filament lightbulbs, etc. > 1 Reeder to open a thread blaming Bush for the\*\* burn\*\* lightbulb. > 14 to participate on a MPSIM thread sharing lightbulb change related life experiences. > 48 on a Cafe Society thread discussing the role of lightbulbs in Film Noir between 1952 and 1954. > 2 to start pigheaded arguments on an irrelevant hijack. > 1 of them to open a Pit thread to bitch at will to the other doper. > 76 to pile on. > 1 Lynn Bodoni to close the odious trainwreck. …and one Doper to point out grammatical errors. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/44 "2004-04-26T23:27:35Z")
A bit dated, but I bet nobody else posts it… Q: How many Soviet leaders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight. Gorbachev on a ladder, and seven to turn against him. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/45 "2004-04-26T23:39:16Z")
How many gay men does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to call the building super and 19 to redesign the whole room around the new bulb. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/46 "2004-04-26T23:40:54Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > How many dopers does it take to change a lightbulb? > > 189 > > 1 to post a question in GQ asking how to change a lightbulb. > 1 to give the straight dope, A)unscrew burnt bulb B)Screw in new bulb. > 15 that disagree with the procedures and offer alternative methods. > 1 to moderator to haul the thread to Grat Debates. > 28 dopers to debate unscrewing techniques, light bulb brands, thermodynamics of incandescent filament lightbulbs, etc. > 1 Reeder to open a thread blaming Bush for the burn lightbulb. > 14 to participate on a MPSIM thread sharing lightbulb change related life experiences. > 48 on a Cafe Society thread discussing the role of lightbulbs in Film Noir between 1952 and 1954. > 2 to start pigheaded arguments on an irrelevant hijack. > 1 of them to open a Pit thread to bitch at will to the other doper. > 76 to pile on. > 1 Lynn Bodoni to close the odious trainwreck. > **[How Many Dopers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=120627)** > > How many Dopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: 71. 1 to change the lightbulb and post it to the board that the bulb has been changed. 10 to respond and share similar experiences. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing... ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/47 "2004-04-27T00:23:22Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > …and one Doper to point out grammatical errors. 😃 What?, just one error? I´m flattered. ---
**Author:** ![DadWagonDriver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@DadWagonDriver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DadWagonDriver)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/48 "2004-04-27T02:05:32Z")
How many University of Michigan students? 1. One to do it and 14 to brag about how cool it was. How many community college students? None. They live with their parents, who control the lights. Western Michigan students? Six. One to do it and five to find a lampshade ugly enough to match the school’s colors of brown and yellow. Afterwords, a riot will break out for no reason. Eastern Michigan students? Twelve. One to do it and you’d better hope one of the other eleven get back from the store without being shot. ---
**Author:** ![angelicate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@angelicate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelicate)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/49 "2004-04-27T04:45:10Z")
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb? 5- one to change the bulb and 4 to yell at him for selling out. How many ska kids does it take to change a light bulb? 3- One to change the bulb and 3 to “pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!” How many riot grrls does it take to change a light bulb? 5- One to change the bulb and 4 to write a zine about it. How many goths does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’d rather light a candle and write bad poetry about the darkness. How many indie kids does it take to change a light bulb? I forget, but I have this joke on the limited edition blue vinyl, only 1500 copies made. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/50 "2004-04-27T05:19:29Z")
I hope I’m remembering this right. On an older episode of Saturday Night Live, which had Damon Wayans, there was some skit where he came out as “The Angry Black Comic”. He made one light bulb joke that went something like… How many dead white people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Not enough! ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/51 "2004-04-27T06:05:47Z")
How many union electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one. But he has to wait for the carpenter to open the door, and a Longshoreman to bring the bulb in from the truck. You do use union truckers, right? Hey, this bulb, it ain’t in the bathroom, is it? How many Martians does it take to change a lightbulb. None, there are no Martians. How many Microsoft Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he has to reinstall the electrical system, and set the default to darkness. The new light bulb will be available for beta testing by late 2006, or shortly thereafter. However, our new electrical system will be available by then, and you might want to wait, and get a compatible bulb driver first. How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, it depends. Do you have a financial statement for the last three years? What insurance coverage do you have? Is there any history of chronic lighting problems in your extended family? How many children regularly see by this light, when it is working? How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. But we only have one, and he is being reserved for emergencies. How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy five. But we only have a hundred. How many Navy SEALS does it take to change a lightbulb? Screw the lightbulb, we’re blowing this sucker to hell and gone in six minutes. How many NSA bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb. The agency does not initiate changes, but thank you for providing us with this information. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Teelo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@Teelo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teelo)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/52 "2004-04-27T06:14:59Z")
There was this one I read on the SDMB before… How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six, one to do it while the other five say, “I can do that.” ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/53 "2004-04-27T11:39:06Z")
how many sound technicians doesn it take to change a lightbulb? One, two. One, two. One, one, two, two. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/54 "2004-04-27T13:53:46Z")
How many dyslexics does it take to change a ghlitblub? ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/55 "2004-04-27T17:35:07Z")
Let’s see how many people understand this one… Q: How many Nashville bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I, V, I, V, I, V… Q: How many drummers? A: Only one, as long as the roadie fetches the bulb, sets up the ladder and holds the bulb in the socket. One I made up myself: Q: How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to hire a minority to actually change it, and one to find somebody else to pay for the work and the new bulb. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/56 "2004-04-27T19:38:43Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Four. > > One to do the work, one to certify OSHA standards for the workplace, and two to fill out the environmental impact statement. That’s not bad, but it doesn’t scream “White American Male” to me. I keep thinking there’s a really hilarious response for this one. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/57 "2004-04-27T19:47:25Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Four. > > One to do the work, one to certify OSHA standards for the workplace, and two to fill out the environmental impact statement. > [@RAWDuke](#): > > That’s not bad, but it doesn’t scream “White American Male” to me. I keep thinking there’s a really hilarious response for this one. Ok, how bout this. Six One to do the work, two to make a beer run, two to go find the ladder and one to give advice on how the bulb coulda been changed better. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/58 "2004-04-28T00:37:11Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Ok, how bout this. > > Six > > One to do the work, two to make a beer run, two to go find the ladder and one to give advice on how the bulb coulda been changed better. That’s OK, too. I’m just thinking that we WAM’s are responsible for most of the evil in the world 😉 we must have some unique way of changing light bulbs. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/59 "2004-04-28T00:47:57Z")
How many Spanish professors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Solamente uno Robin ---
**Author:** ![silkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@silkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silkie)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/60 "2004-04-28T07:29:19Z")
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Bill Gates has defined darkness as the new industry standard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876.md?page=4)