# How many (fill in the blank) does it take to change a light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876 "2004-04-25T02:51:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/61 "2004-04-28T09:54:15Z")
> [@SCSimmons](#): > > Oh good, nobody’s done my favorite … > > How many theoretical quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb? > > One. One to screw in the bulb, one to hold the ladder, and one to renormalize the wave function. > > (Anyone who gets this is officially a physics geek.) I got it. But then, I am a physics geek. How about these then: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - we’re not interested in that short wavelength stuff. How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ? They can’t. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb How many experimental particle physicists does it take to change a lightbulb? 1. One to change the lightbulb, the other 19 to co-author the paper. ---
**Author:** ![Starguard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Starguard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starguard)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/62 "2004-04-28T10:06:09Z")
How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None… They’re all too busy screwing the public :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/63 "2004-04-28T10:06:25Z")
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But the lightbulb has to **really want to change**! ---
**Author:** ![stupidgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@stupidgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stupidgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/64 "2004-04-28T12:39:06Z")
These will probably work better/make more sense to the UK dopers… (For the record IMO and from my experience the University of Bath one is worryingly accurate.) And obviously no offence is meant by any of these jokes. How Many Students Does It Take To Change A Light bulb At: Aberystwyth: None - Most of them are still sleeping in the basketball court following housing shortages. St. Andrews: Three - One to call the butler and two to arrange a tailor in Rome to design and make new suits for the special occasion. If a light bulb in a major building blows then increase to 27 to allow for a brass band playing the last post and five Sun reporters. The following days Sun will contain something along the lines of “Will’s Pals in Blown Bulb Horror”. Aston: None - And stay down, they shoot at the lights, that’s why the last one went. Bath: Seven - Five to form a radical new initiative called ‘TeamBulb’, one to make a public announcement stating “A successful environment is not about pushing yourself to the absolute limit” and one to change the light bulb before it’s actually blown. Birmingham: Nine - One to steal a new bulb from the back of a shop, two for the wheelmen and six to go shoot out all the light bulbs in some Aston student houses. Cambridge: Three - one to mix the martinis, one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay for the bill. Cardiff/Caerdydd: Two- one to put the bulb in and one to hold an umbrella. However at least one native welsh speaker must be present to make sure that the english language isn’t dominant in the process of the change of the lightbulb. Coventry: Two - One to take the bulb out and another to glass a random stranger’s face with it. DeMontfort: Seven - Two to change the bulb and five to write an interpretive modern drama about the experience. Glasgow None of your f\*cking business! Imperial: Eight - It’s not that one isn’t smart enough to do it, it’s just that they’re all violently twitching from too much stress to achieve coordinated movement. Keele: Fifty - one to change the bulb, 49 to stop the Stokie locals trying to steal the old bulb as “the next best thing” for their own houses. Leeds: Three - One to change it and two to find a way to get high off the old bulb. Leicester: Four - One to change the bulb and three to complain bitterly that it wouldn’t have been allowed to happen at Oxbridge, so please give us some funding. Please. Newcastle: Eight - One to find a red ‘Fireglow’ bulb, one to mount it near the window and the other six to wait inside. Oxford: An entire college house, but only one of them is sober enough to figure out what to do with it, and he subsequently is cellophane-wrapped naked to a street lamp. Oxford Brookes: Five - One to take the bulb out and four to stick their fingers in the socket. Paisley: Between three and ten, depending on how far through the term it is, to club together their remaining funds to purchase a new light bulb. Plymouth: Six - One to change it and five to campaign to make light bulb changing a new degree subject. Pontypridd: Ten - One to buy the light bulb and nine to petition for the eventual electrification of Pontypridd. Reading: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot. Sheffield: 51, one to change the bulb and 50 to sit around saying they were well clever enough to change it but they couldn’t be bothered. UCL: Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Oxbridge student. UMIST: Five - One to design a nuclear powered light bulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Greater Manchester using said light bulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch. UNL: Nobody Knows - The light bulbs stay with North London Uni longer than the students. UWIC: Only one, but he gets 10 course credits for doing it. Warwick: Seventy Six - One to change the light bulb, fifty to protest the light bulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest allowing for permissible change in light bulbs, as long as the light bulbs accept it. York: Three - One to change the bulb and one to check his maths coursework. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/65 "2004-04-28T16:20:29Z")
How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? Three: One to change it, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and one to complain loudly about light bulbs being electric. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876/66 "2004-05-09T17:53:14Z")
This one just stolen from the James Randi Foundation website: Q: How many homeopaths does it take to change a light bulb? A: 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000001 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-fill-in-the-blank-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/241876.md?page=3)