# How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907 "2003-08-27T04:31:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/41 "2003-08-27T22:29:20Z")
Are lightbulbs real? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_(enter many hours worth of heated and belabored debate on what is real/reality here) What is the point? Do I have one? Should I have one? I suffer from terrible bouts of self-loathing and doubt, so be kind, damn it! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/42 "2003-08-27T22:49:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monstre \* > \*\*1 to start a Pit thread about the light bulb changer. \*\* One to pull up a lawn chair and watch the train wreck. Four more to also pull up lawn chairs, make popcorn and pour root beer all around. One to complain that “pulling up lawn chairs” is soooo lame. ---
**Author:** ![SlickRoenick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SlickRoenick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlickRoenick)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/43 "2003-08-28T00:04:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by calm kiwi \* > \*\*1 to make a poop/fart joke. \*\* That would be **lieu**. Followed by 3 to tell him how sick, however funny, he really is. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/44 "2003-08-28T01:04:34Z")
Disclaimer: I am not racist / sexist / against any of the people groups portrayed in these jokes. They’re included in my book of cyberspace jokes, so I’ll post them here out of a humorous spirit. (don’t take it personally if you happen to be a member of one or more of these groups) IF you feel it necessary to change the content, go ahead. 1 **Flamsterette\_X** to hijack the thread with numerous other light bulb jokes, as follows: > [@](#): > > How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Four hundred and seventy-two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle… > How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? > > “We’ve formed a task force to study the problem and why light bulbs burn out… and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.” > How many Tech Support folk does it take to change a light bulb? > > We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay, now exactly how dark is it? Well, there could be four or five things wrong… have you tried the light switch? > How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb? > > Three. Two to hold the ladder, and one to screw the bulb into a faucet. > How many Microsoft vice-presidents does it take to change a light bulb? > > Eight: one to work the bulb, and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world. > How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? > > We just noticed the room was dark; we don’t actually fix the problem. > How many developers does it take to change a light bulb? > > The light bulb works fine on the system in my office. > How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? > > You’re still thinking procedurally. A properly-designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you’d have to do is send a light bulb change message. > How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb? > > We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call before 2 PM and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name in the upper right-hand corner of the light bulb. > How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness ™ as the new industry standard. > How many monkeys does it take to change a light bulb? > > Two. One to do it, and one to scratch his bum. > How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Five. One to screw in the light bulb, and four to share the experience. > How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb? > > None of your fucking business. Get owta my way! > How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb? > > What do you men, change it? It’s a perfectly good light bulb! We’ve had it for 100 years, and it’s worked just fine. > How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > They don’t need to. They glow in the dark. > How many African-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drive the pink Cadillac in sight circles. > How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb? > > One hundred. One to screw it in, and 99 to hold the house hostage. > How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Sixty-four to storm the room and take control of it, one to forcibly eject the old bulb, and another to screw it in… > How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Sixteen. One to change the bulb, and 15 to stand around saying: “Goodonya, mate.” > How many dead politicians does it take to change a light bulb? > > As many as possible. > How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. He’ll only promise change. > How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb. > How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > None. If you want to sit in the dark, that’s your business. > How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? > > Nobody knows. Russian leaders don’t last as long as light bulbs. > How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. The seeds of revolution and change are within the light bulb itself. > How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb? > > One to screw in the bulb, and 1,000 to chant: “Fight Darkness!” > How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb? > > Seven. One to screw it in, and six to design the T-shirts. > How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Only one. But why bother? The light socket will be obsolete in six months anyway. > How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? > > Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb. > How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb? > > Sorry. We closed 18 seconds ago, and I’ve just cashed up. > How many librarians does it take to change a light bulb? > > Don’t know, but I could look it up for you. > How many supermarket cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Are you kidding? They won’t even change a $5 bill. > How many Mafia members does it take to change a light bulb? > > Three. One to change the light bulb, and one to kill the witness. > How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? > > Eighteen. You got a problem with that? > How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? > > Two. One to screw it in, and one to screw it up. > How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. Astronomers prefer the dark. > How many university professors does it take to change a light bulb? > > Just one. But once they get tenure, they don’t change any more. > How many football players does it take to change a light bulb? > > The entire team. And they all get a semester’s credit for it. > How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? > > Just one. But the light bulb has to really WANT to change. > How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? > > Just one, but it takes 30 visits. > How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? > > One, but it takes at least three light bulbs. > How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? > > Depends on what you want to change it into. > How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Four. One to change the bulb, and three to sing: “Ta da!” > How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? > > Nine. One to climb the ladder and replace the bulb; eight to stand around grumbling, “That should be ME up there!” > How many actresses does it take to change a light bulb? > > One. But you should have seen the line outside the producer’s hotel room. > How many movie directors does it take to change a light bulb? > > Just one. When he’s done, everyone thinks that his light bulb was much better. > How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb? > > Why do we have to change it? > How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another to give it a surprise twist at the end. > How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? > > Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle, and one to change the bulb. > How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? > > Five. And you should have seen the light bulb! It must have been THIS big! > > How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb? > > That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb in and change the room. It’s all relative. > How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? > > Both of them. > How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Three. One to screw in an Art Deco bulb, and two to shriek: “Fabulous!” > How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? > > 1. Two. One to do it, and one to make a video documentary about it. > 2. Three. One to screw in in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man. > How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? > > Only one, but it takes eight million years. > How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. Why bother? It’s just going to burn out anyway. > How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb? > > Billions and billions. > How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? > > “That’s all right, I’ll sit in the dark.” > How many REAL men does it take to change a light bulb? > > None. Real men aren’t afraid of the dark. > How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? > > Three, but they’re really only one. > How many Christian Scientists does it take to change a light bulb? > > None, but it takes at least three to sit and pray for the old one to come back on. > How many pro-lifers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Six. Two to screw in the bulb, and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing. > How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > At least three. > How many auto mechanics does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Six. One to force it with a hammer, and five to go out for more bulbs. > How many bankers does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination. > How many investment bankers does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > “My God, it burnt out! Sell all my G.E. stock now!” > How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to not screw in the bulb. > How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > None. It turned itself in. > How many database people does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Three. One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time. > How many disarmament folk does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > They won’t, because: > > 1. If we change our bulb, they will just change theirs to a brighter one, so where will it all end? > 2. We already have enough bulbs to illuminate the entire world three times over. > 3. We shouldn’t spend money for light bulbs as long as anyone is hungry anywhere. > 4. We don’t know what effect all of this artificial light will have on the future of mankind. > 5. Nature provides us with all the light we need; we just haven’t learned how to husband it yet. > 6. Artificial light isn’t aesthetically correct. > 7. The candle is more traditional, and it uses no electricity. > 8. It is the responsibility of the federal government to provide light to all Americans, without regard to race / age / creed / color / sex / religion / socio-economic status / national origin / need. > How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > That depends on whether it has health insurance. > How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Tow. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out towards a maudlin cosmos of nothingness. > How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > What does it matter? We’re all gonna die anyway. > How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > 1. That’s NOT funny! > 2. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write about how it felt. > 3. Three. One to screw it in, and two to talk about the sexual implications. > 4. Four. One to change it, and three to write about how the bulb is exploiting the socket. > 5. Three. One to change the bulb, and two to secretly wish they were the socket. > 6. Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to kick the balls off any man trying to help the first one. > How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > The Bible doesn’t mention light bulbs. > How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > “Oh wow… is it like dark, man?” > Hoe many modern artists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in a socket and fill the room with light… while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray gun, and the cocker spaniel. > How many netheads does it take to tell yet another light bulb joke? > > One thousand, six hundred, and twenty-two. One to tell the original joke, and the rest to give some minor variation of it. > How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > How many do you think it takes? > How many Reaganists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Tow. One to screw it in, and one to send the bill to the next generation. > How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Two. One to screw it in, and another to repent. > How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > That’s a military secret. > How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? > > Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: > > Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “the lawyers” and the party of the second part, also known as “the light bulb” do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: > > 1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout. > > 2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“receptacle”), the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes. > > 3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“new light bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (“new light bulb”) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb). > > Note: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm.” > > How many Chicago school economists does it take to change a light bulb? > > None: > > 1. If the light bulb needed changing, the market would already have done it. > 2. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change itself. > 3. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in. > 4. There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. > 5. They’re all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium. > 6. Because, look! It’s getting brighter! It’s definitely getting brighter! > > Or: > Just one, but it really gets screwed. > > Or: > A thousand: ten theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb, and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory’s the correct one… while everyone is still in the dark. > How many MBAs does it take to change a light bulb? > > “Only one if you hire me. I can actually change the light bulb myself. As you can see from my resumé, I’ve had extensive experience changing light bulbs in my previous positions. My only weakness is that I’m compulsive about changing light bulbs in my spare time.” > How many doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? > > “Should have an answer for you in about five years.” There… enjoy the off-topic hijack! 😉 No, you do NOT want to know how long it took me to type all of this out and spellcheck it. 😉 But I did it coz I enjoyed it… and it _did_ have to do with this thread, so there! 😛 F\_X ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/45 "2003-08-28T01:20:52Z")
Unbe **Flamme** lievable. BTW, you missssppelledd a word or two. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/46 "2003-08-28T01:34:13Z")
5 to all your light bulb are belong to us ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/47 "2003-08-28T03:39:02Z")
I can’t believe there are any left after **Flamsterette’s** hilarious list…but here is hijack #7 (I counted Flamster’s as one) How many Bill Gates’ does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. He stands, holding the lightbulb still, and the world revolves around him. How many weightlifters does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb, and four to stand around saying, “You’re lookin’ HUGE, man!” How many engineers/production personnel does it take to change a lightbulb? 1. One to do the assembly drawings. Two to check the assembly drawings. Four to do the detail drawings. Six to check the detail drawings. Two to archive the assembly and detail drawings. Three to print eight copies of the assembly and detail drawings. Three Time-Study engineers to study how long it will take each production employee to finish each job (1. Determine that the bulb actually needs changed. 2. Get the new bulb from finished stock. 3. Deliver the bulb to the specific location. 5. Schedule a maintenence crew to change the bulb. (One to change it, one to hold the ladder, one to secure the area so noone runs into the ladder, one to turn off the electricity first, one to verify that the electricity HAS been turned off and a maintenence foreman to oversee all of them) 6. An inspector to verify that the bulb a)has been changed and b)is once again in working order. 7. A secretarial/documentationial person to document the whole process. . . . . (I just noticed it’s **Flam** sterette, like flim-flam, not **Flame** sterette…hee hee!) ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/48 "2003-08-28T04:30:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **Unbe** Flamme\*\*lievable. > > BTW, you missssppelledd a word or two. 😉 \*\* Nope… ran it through Word’s spellcheck. Came up relatively clean… of course, I fixed the few errors that it found. 🙂 So now it’s free of error. 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > **(I just noticed it’s Flamsterette, like flim-flam, not Flamesterette…hee hee!)** Yup, that be it right there. 🙂 Of course, there are probably some people around here who would add an extra “E” to my name… but eh. It’s happened before, and probably will again… not much to fash about. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/49 "2003-08-28T04:38:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **Unbe** Flamme\*\*lievable. > > BTW, you missssppelledd a word or two. 😉 \*\* Nope… ran it through Word’s spellcheck. Came up relatively clean… of course, I fixed the few errors that it found. 🙂 So now it’s free of error. 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > **(I just noticed it’s Flamsterette, like flim-flam, not Flamesterette…hee hee!)** Yup, that be it right there. 🙂 Of course, there are probably some people around here who would add an extra “E” to my name… but eh. It’s happened before, and probably will again… not much to fash about. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/50 "2003-08-28T04:52:32Z")
Of course, there would also be [the requisite link to a Google search on “light bulb jokes”](http://www.google.ca/search?q=light+bulb+jokes&hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1), as well. 😃 F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/51 "2003-08-28T05:40:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > **Wang-Ka** to post a 20,000 word story about the light bulb he screwed in back in 1978, at a place he rented along with his friends Bob, Bobo, Troll, Candy, Loopy, Weeble, Rocket Boy, Izzy, Peanut, Horse, Viking, Bud Man, Stinky, Pinky, Numbnuts, Frenchy, and The General. 1 poster to declare something (like the above post) the Funniest. Thing. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/52 "2003-08-28T11:05:05Z")
**Flamme** , since “tow” is a word, the spell checker didn’t catch when you substituted it for “two.” No big deal. I do it all the time. I thought a good bit of tht post was funny, btw. But… I AM OFFENDED BY THE… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/53 "2003-08-28T11:12:02Z")
**1** to point out that if the OP had searched, he’d see that we’d already discussed lightbulbs here, here, and here. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/54 "2003-08-28T12:33:53Z")
Holy shit! Would you believe that I first saw this posted in an Chelsea Football Club e-mail list back in 1996? And someone then claimed that it was old… 😃 pan ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/55 "2003-08-28T13:18:44Z")
1 poster to post related links to the SD archive: [Why are moths attracted to bright lights?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a890127.html) [To save energy, should you turn lights off or leave them on?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_249.html) [Do fluorescent lights cause cataracts?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_102.html) [Can some people extinguish streetlamps by means of their bodily emanations?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_047.html) [Why does a microwave oven make a bulb light up?](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmicro.html) And don’t forget the articles that list interesting places light bulbs have been found: [Is it true what they say about gerbils?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_216b.html) [What’s the story with vaginal foreign bodies?](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011221.html) And another poster to bring up [The Darksucker Conspiracy](http://winn.com/bs/darksuck.html) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/56 "2003-08-28T13:34:43Z")
\>Here are instructions on how to get 10,000 light \>bulbs in the next 2 weeks: \> \>There are 3 addresses listed below. \> \>Send the person at the top of the list a \>lightbulb with a note that says: “Please add me to \>your list”. \> \>Then delete that name, move the other 2 \>up and put your name at the bottom. \> \>Now start sending this ENTIRE E-mail back out \>to people. When 20 people receive it, those 20 \>people will move your name up to the middle \>position and they will each send out 20. That \>totals 400 people that will receive this letter \>with your name in the middle. Then, those 400 \>people will move your name to the top and they \>will each send you a lightbulb. \> \>8,000 people each sending you a lightbulb = \>8,000 lightbulbs. That’s if everyone \>responds to this E-mail, but not everyone \>will, so you can expect more realistically to \>receive about \>3,000 lightbulbs in your mailbox. \> \>This will work for anyone, anywhere in the \>world in any country, but send only a US \>Edison screw-type bulb. \> \>The more E-mails you send out, the more \>light bulbs you will receive. If each person \>sends out 100 E- mails, there will be 1,000,000 \>people that receive this letter when your \>name reaches the top. If only 1% of those \>people respond, you \>will get 10,000 light bulbs. \> \>This is not illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/57 "2003-08-28T13:46:03Z")
Three repairmen call at a motel for on a maintenance call. The manager tells them that 30 light bulbs need replacing. They each hand over 10 light bulbs. Later, the manager tells the handyman that only 25 light bulbs were actually out, so the manager gives the handyman five light bulbs to return to the repairmen. Not knowing how to divide 5 light bulbs among three men, the handyman gives 1 light bulb back to each man and keeps the other 2 light bulbs for himself. This means that the three men have each handed over 9 light bulbs to the project, which is a total of 27 light bulbs. Add the 2 light bulbs that the handyman kept and you have 29 light bulbs. What happened to the other light bulb? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/58 "2003-08-28T15:41:10Z")
It was RAPTURED!!! Repent! Repent now!!! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/59 "2003-08-28T19:59:22Z")
FROM: JOSEPH SOKO OKUMAGBA ANNIN LAW FIRM ATTORNEYS/LEGAL PRACTITIONERS. NIGERIA. ATTENTION: DEAR MOST KIND SIR PLEASE, COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON. GRACE AND PEACE AND LOVE FROM THIS PART OF THE ATLANTIC TO YOU. I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH EMARRASSMENT. AS I WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH. PLEASE EXCUSE MY INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE. I AM JOSEPH SOKO,I REPRESENT MOHAMMED ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GENERAL SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN 1998. SINCE HIS DEATH, LIGHT BULBS AT THE FAMILY ESTATE HAVE BEEN BURNING OUT DUE TO POWER SPIKES INFLICTED BY VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO ARE BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY. BASED ON THIS THEREFORE, THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER WHO CAN WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT THE TOTAL SUM OF TEN MILLION (10,000,000) GENERAL ELECTRIC CORPORATION HEAVY DUTY (SUITABLE FOR TRAFFIC SIGNALS, HIGH VIBRATION INDUSTRIAL APPLICATIONS, HARD TO REACH SOCKETS, AND SO ON) ONE HUNDRED (100) WATT LIGHT BULBS, PRESENTLY IN THEIR POSSESSION. THE LIGHT BULBS WERE, OF COURSE, ACQUIRED BY THE LATE PRESIDENT AND IS NOW KEPT SECRETLY BY THE FAMILY IN A WAREHOUSE OUTSIDE OF LAGOS. THIS BID BY SOME GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS TO DEAL WITH THIS FAMILY HAS MADE IT NECESSARY THAT WE SEEK YOUR ASSISITANCE IN RECEIVING THESE LIGHT BULBS AND IN SCREWING THEM IN VARIOUS FOREIGN SOCKETS ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY. THIS MUST BE A JOINT VENTURE TRANSACTION AND WE MUST ALL WORK TOGETHER. SINCE THE LIGHT BULBS ARE ALL IN THEIR ORIGINAL RETAIL CARTONS, EXTRA SECURITY MEASURES HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO PROTECT THEM FROM THEFT OR SEIZURE, PENDING WHEN AGREEMENT IS REACHED ON WHEN AND HOW TO MOVE THEM INTO ANY OF YOUR SOCKETS I HAVE PERSONALLY WORKED OUT ALL MODALITIES FOR THE PEACEFUL CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION. THE TRANSACTION DEFINITELY WOULD BE HANDLED IN PHASES AND THE FIRST PHASE WILL INVOLVE THE MOVING OF TWO MILLION (2,000,000) GENERAL ELECTRIC CORPORATION ONE HUNDRED (100) WATT LIGHT BULBS. MY CLIENTS ARE WILLING TO GIVE YOU A REASONABLE PERCENTAGE OF THESE LIGHT BULBS AS SOON AS THE TRANSACTIONIS CONCLUDED. I WILL, HOWEVER, BASED ON THE GROUNDS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK WITH US AND ALSO ALL CONTENTIOUS ISSUES DISCUSSED BEFORE THE COMMENCEMENT OF THIS TRANSACTION. YOU MAY ALSO DISCUSS YOUR PERCENTAGE OF LIGHT BULBS BEFORE WE START TO WORK. AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL NECESSARY DETAILS AS TO HOW WE INTEND TO CARRY OUT THE WHOLE TRANSACTION.PLEASE, DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEARS, AS ALL NECESSARY MODALITIES ARE IN PLACE, AND I ASSURE YOU OF ALL SUCCESS AND SAFETY IN THIS TRANSACTION. PLEASE, THIS TRANSACTION REQUIRES ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY AND YOU WOULD BE EXPECTED TO TREAT IT AS SUCH UNTIL THE LIGHT BULBS ARE MOVED OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. PLEASE, YOU WILL ALSO IGNORE THIS LETTER AND RESPECT OUR TRUST IN YOU BY NOT EXPOSING THIS TRANSACTION, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED. I LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU. THANK YOU. TRULY YOURS, GOD BLESS, SINCERELY, JOSEPH SOKO ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907/60 "2003-08-28T20:19:15Z")
You are receiving this flickering in your light because someone you know has sent you a chain-flicker. If you wish continued, uninterrupted light to emanate from your bulb, you will immediately change your lightbulb, paste this flicker into an e-mail and forward it to ten of your friends immediately. DO NOT IGNORE THIS. IT IS NOT A JOKE. Billy James Under of Mississippi laughed at this flicker and disregarded it. Later that day, his light bulb burned out and he sustained a terrible stinger on his calf after bumping into his coffee table in the dark. Jane Adams of New Jersey thought that the flicker was a momentary aberration. Imagine her surprise when her world was plunged into darkness. But if you immediately change your lightbulb and pass this flicker on to ten friends IMMEDIATELY, you will enjoy serene, uninterrupted light for at least a month. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. FORWARD THIS IMMEIDATELY. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-forum-posters-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/197907.md?page=4)