# How many is too many? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587 "2001-08-28T19:46:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/1 "2001-08-28T19:46:04Z")
This may have been done before but I couldn’t find it. Sorry if it has. So how many is sexual partners is too many for you to date a girl or girl? Does it even matter to you? For me it doesn’t matter but admittedly when it starts getting into the 20’s I get a little less excited about the whole thing. I can’t say much though since my numbers are up there too. I know it’s hypocritical but I can’t help it. How about you? ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/2 "2001-08-28T19:57:34Z")
Well I find it hard to bring up in a conversation with a girl that I have the hots for. “…so Mary how many people have you doinked before you met me?” nope I just can’t see me bringing it up. By the time I find out, I’ve already done the deed and it doesn’t matter to me. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/3 "2001-08-28T20:02:12Z")
My sister’s coworker (they’re 22 years old) asked my sister to be in her wedding. After some conversation, the girl said “Yep, I’m up to number 34, might as well marry him” My sister, after picking her jaw up off the floor, said “You’ve slept with 34 guys?” The girl shrugged and said, “that’s nothing. My mom’s done over a hundred” Ah…romance. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/4 "2001-08-28T20:03:48Z")
Um. I know many people are looking for a partner with a low number. Or don’t necessarily respect a potential partner with a high score. Just keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule… When Mr. Seawitch and I started dating, we very gingerly traded information on past partners. He has 93; I have 87.\* We were both relieved that we had similar experience. And when I tell him he’s really, _really_ good, he knows it comes from knowledge of the subject. So - how many is too many? Depends on your point of view. I would have hesitated to date anybody with under 25 or so. \*[sub]Most of the conclusions you would draw from those numbers are incorrect, if you’re using them to judge the nature of our relationship. Or past relationships, for that matter.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/5 "2001-08-28T20:15:37Z")
I’ve been with a very minimal amount, but I must say some of my friends have been with LOTS! I find it slightly disturbing that people can just sleep with anyone… but that’s just me. I can’t. I don’t look down on them, it’s their choice. I personally don’t like to discuss that with SO’s - as I believe it’s nobody’s business but your own. I think if it bothers you that badly - you should not ask. Either that or accept it and get over the insecurity and know that she is with _you_ now. It’s just one more way for men to try to control something that’s out of their reach. ---
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/6 "2001-08-28T20:17:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by seawitch \* > He has 93; I have 87. We were both relieved that we had similar experience_ That is cool that you both had around the same amount. I hope this doesn’t sound rude but how did you keep track of how many people you slept with? I have a hard time remembering _exactly_ how many I have slept with and its only somewhere in the 20’s. Did you have a journal or something (I had an ex that wrote everyone down and a “review” of the experience) ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/7 "2001-08-28T20:21:10Z")
What’s an Amish woman’s dream? Two Mennonite. I really don’t have much of an opinion on the OP. I just wanted to tell that joke. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/8 "2001-08-28T20:47:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pezpunk \* > I hope this doesn’t sound rude but how did you keep track of how many people you slept with? At one point I thought I was starting to lose track, so I started to keep a list. It really wasn’t a bunch of one night stands, it was a lot of men I liked and recalled fondly (for the most part). I just reminded myself that if they were worth sleeping with, they were certainly worth remembering. I don’t keep a “review”, so to speak, but I will keep notes - on the great laugh he had, or the theater set we met on, or whatever. Something that helps me recall the person, rather than just the position. I’m just sort of a friendly tart, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/9 "2001-08-28T20:58:22Z")
seawitch, if you don’t mind the personal question, how many years did that take you? At one point (most of college) I spent most of my free time appreciating the wide diversity of people there were to have fun with, and it was an awful lot of work to find as many people as I did. I’ve been sexually active for eight years and I’m still under 30 partners, no matter how I count it. Course, I haven’t really been trying for the past couple of years, so I may just not be putting full effort into it. Gee. I feel like such a wallflower now. Corr ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/10 "2001-08-28T21:13:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Corrvin \* > seawitch, if you don’t mind the personal question, how many years did that take you? 24 years so far. Really happy with the hubby, though, so I plan to let the count stay where it is. Your rate is pretty close to mine, [crazy old lady] so just wait 'til you’re my age, missy.[/crazy old lady] **ThisYearsGirl** - _snork_ I can’t wait to tell my brother who lives in Amish country. ---
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/11 "2001-08-28T21:16:44Z")
**Seawitch** is a “sex partner” someone you’ve had intercourse with or someone that you have been intimate with? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/12 "2001-08-28T21:28:54Z")
While I don’t think that there is any right number, or that there is anything wrong with having a great number or very few sex partners, I **do** think it is legitamite to take the number of partners someone has as saying **something** about thier partners. I don’t think you are honor bound to ignore it, or it is your job to “handle it” if the answer is not comfortable. For example, Sea Witch, your number suggests to me that sex is very important to you. I mean, finding sex partners is a time-consuming activity–you have to get out there, you have to meet people, you have to find a place to go, you have to deal with the afterwards, whatever. For me, the sacrifice of all that book reading/videogame playing time was never worth it, and I think I would have a hard time identifying with someone who thought it was, in hte same way that I would have trouble identifying with someone who thought that it was worth the time to follow football. As a single fact in isolation, that would not be enough to turn me away from a person, but as one fact amoung the many you collect when trying to form a picture of someone, I think it is kosher to consider it. You just have to do so in context. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/13 "2001-08-28T21:30:37Z")
**pezpunk** - I’m using the term “partner” to describe someone I’ve had intercourse with. A few drunken kisses don’t count. I really don’t do things by halvsies (duh) so my intimacy/sex partner counts would be pretty much the same. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-is-too-many/78587/14 "2001-08-28T21:41:50Z")
**Manda JO** - I agree with you. In my case, a high sex drive is one of the things I look for in a compatible mate; but it is only **one** of the things I look for. I also think that if anyone is not comfortable with the number of prior partners their SO has been with (whether that number be high or low), that discomfort is probably indicative of differences in other viewpoints. (Don’t see me dating a lot of strongly religious Christians, for example. There are a number of reasons for that.) I am now going to hide in a corner. You’d never guess my history by looking at me, so I’m all embarassed.